You said it all. What we send out comes back. When you use your money it’s a stream of your own personal energy. When you share your time to pass on a kind word or deed you express the arc of your personal energy. Live like everyone counts because they do.
This is beautiful, Julia. I have never, ever regretted any act of kindness I've offered -- which probably hasn't been nearly enough. People miss so much delightful connection with others because of their fear.
When we are down at our little place in the Yucatán, we have people come to clean up the back yard/gravel and palm trees more often than really necessary, and pay more than they quote us. It's a small town and we want to support the lovely local people. Anything that can be spent in the town instead of going to a bigger place, makes me happy to be a part of the charming community. We open our house to workers too. Thank dog for google translate!
People who’ve worked in varied homes of ours over the past 44 years have been welcomed . Some who’ve been shocked when I offer coffee or water and if needed the bathroom. Actually I like my cleaning ladies (my only house hold indulgence ) more than most of my friends.
It was a terrible, wonderful teacher. Interestingly, it taught me so very much that I use today. By contrast my parents couldn’t let my brother do the same. He took his life at 62, never finding out that he could pull himself up by the bootstraps. He was so much more talented than I was. Remarkable. Thank you for the kind words.
This is beautiful. So very well said. Thank you for sharing. I too have had a few rather humbling experiences in life and I still remember the kindness that some people showed me during some very difficult times. I’ve tried to be there for others and I sure hope I’ve helped.
Glad I found you! I am in Parker and got into it big time on Nextdoor with people who on one hand clutched their pearls over a worker peeing in a neighbor’s yard and yet won’t let them in the house to pee. Like you I am providing radical hospitality to anyone working in and around my home. And I tell women in my wisdom council circles who have a hard time accepting help and support that when someone offers and you say no. It is a selfish act. One that takes away from the other’s soul purpose of being of service.
Thank you. AND. Those who give, get what they offer others. That most emphatically includes hate, which is why choosing how to be in the world is so critical to our mental health.
My brother has spent much of his life on the edge. He tends to be angry and judgmental about pretty much everything. And while he is not particularly unkind, he isn't particularly kind either. He has spent years in jobs he grew to hate and has one failed marriage and several other failed relationships. Over the years, I have sent him money so he could get by. In hindsight, I probably gave him more money that I should have but what's done is done. When he lost his job and had to give up his rented home, he came and lived with us for more than a year. When it became obvious that that situation could not continue, he moved across the country to live with our sister. Those living arrangements didn't last very long either but by then he had found a job and accumulated enough money to rent an apartment. I really thought his being in that situation would quiet his haranguing about welfare cheats and all the crooks out there who were gaming the system. Any system. I hoped his being homeless and only surviving because he had sisters who could help him would give him some empathy for others in the same situation. Nope. He was just as unkind, unfeeling and judgmental as ever. I would like to think that kindness, like empathy can be learned. Harsh experiences do seem to teach some people about how not to judge others. But sometimes, even those lived experiences do nothing to teach those things.
Over the years, we also have opened our homes to any workers on our property. Early on, we came back from getting coffee in the morning to find the police in our driveway. Someone had seen the landscapers jumping our fence to pee across the road and they called the police. We assured the police that the landscapers were there to work for us and that nothing bad was happening. After that we always made one of the buildings was open so they had full facilities. These guys were at our house for 3 to 4 hours at a stretch and I was horrified I hadn't thought of opening everything for them. Nothing was ever taken, nothing was ever broken and they were neater and more careful than anyone else who ever came to visit. We were really sorry to say goodbye to those guys when we moved into town.
Penny, so well said. My big brother was exactly the same; he was angry and bitter and a black hole into which people poured money and love to no avail. He took his life at 62. I learned a great deal watching that story unfold. All we did was enable his behavior, which is terribly sad, but so often our best efforts end up not paying off for certain people. Honestly, sometimes I am convinced we are just wired a certain way.
I do think it is hard to change significantly once we are adults unless we put tremendous effort into that. I’ve noticed that many families seem to have one child who ends up getting pampered/spoiled/the rules don’t to them situation because one or both of the parents enables that behavior. They get bailed out when the other children don’t. They get special treatment and don’t have to do chores that the other siblings are doing. It sets up an inequality that endures time. And when all those siblings are adults, you can bet that you’re going to see tension rise when that preferred child doesn’t get what they think they are owed. I’ve seen it play out way too many times to say it was just a random accident.
You just nailed what happened in my family. My brother got bailed out, but I didn't- and what a gift that was. I built a backbone, my brother learned to manipulate people to take care of him. Those are terribly hard lessons. I am grateful to my folks for saying no to me.
I agree, 100% Julia! I developed a back bone too, and it sure has helped me when life didn’t go as planned. Thankfully, I’ve been able to recover and heal from many negative life events.
My wife and I use a small local landscape supply company for stone and gravel. We’ve needed numerous loads over the past couple of years to repair drainage issues in our long, gravel driveway. Last week, the dump truck driver and company owner were here spreading a load and commented our place is one of their favorite places to deliver and work. I asked, “why is that?” “Because you’re nice,” was the first thing out of the driver’s mouth. His reply stuck with me. Is being nice so rare as to be noteworthy? Perhaps so…
Love your clarity about what really matters!
You said it all. What we send out comes back. When you use your money it’s a stream of your own personal energy. When you share your time to pass on a kind word or deed you express the arc of your personal energy. Live like everyone counts because they do.
This is beautiful, Julia. I have never, ever regretted any act of kindness I've offered -- which probably hasn't been nearly enough. People miss so much delightful connection with others because of their fear.
So true, Jan. Thanks so much.
🙏🏾 🙏🏾 🙏🏾 🙏🏾 🙏🏾
When we are down at our little place in the Yucatán, we have people come to clean up the back yard/gravel and palm trees more often than really necessary, and pay more than they quote us. It's a small town and we want to support the lovely local people. Anything that can be spent in the town instead of going to a bigger place, makes me happy to be a part of the charming community. We open our house to workers too. Thank dog for google translate!
Well said and I agree.
People who’ve worked in varied homes of ours over the past 44 years have been welcomed . Some who’ve been shocked when I offer coffee or water and if needed the bathroom. Actually I like my cleaning ladies (my only house hold indulgence ) more than most of my friends.
That was a wonderful essay. I was almost homeless in my late twenties.
It was a terrible, wonderful teacher. Interestingly, it taught me so very much that I use today. By contrast my parents couldn’t let my brother do the same. He took his life at 62, never finding out that he could pull himself up by the bootstraps. He was so much more talented than I was. Remarkable. Thank you for the kind words.
Best story I read today. Thank you for being a light in what is seeming to be a darker and tomorrow. My best to you.
Warm thanks Stevie. I appreciate the kind words.
This is beautiful. So very well said. Thank you for sharing. I too have had a few rather humbling experiences in life and I still remember the kindness that some people showed me during some very difficult times. I’ve tried to be there for others and I sure hope I’ve helped.
A beautiful reminder and just what we need right now!
many thanks Sandra!
Glad I found you! I am in Parker and got into it big time on Nextdoor with people who on one hand clutched their pearls over a worker peeing in a neighbor’s yard and yet won’t let them in the house to pee. Like you I am providing radical hospitality to anyone working in and around my home. And I tell women in my wisdom council circles who have a hard time accepting help and support that when someone offers and you say no. It is a selfish act. One that takes away from the other’s soul purpose of being of service.
Hi Julia,
This is so beautiful. And needed. After all, who doesn't need a bit more kindness in their life - whether you are giving it or receiving it.
Thank you. AND. Those who give, get what they offer others. That most emphatically includes hate, which is why choosing how to be in the world is so critical to our mental health.
My brother has spent much of his life on the edge. He tends to be angry and judgmental about pretty much everything. And while he is not particularly unkind, he isn't particularly kind either. He has spent years in jobs he grew to hate and has one failed marriage and several other failed relationships. Over the years, I have sent him money so he could get by. In hindsight, I probably gave him more money that I should have but what's done is done. When he lost his job and had to give up his rented home, he came and lived with us for more than a year. When it became obvious that that situation could not continue, he moved across the country to live with our sister. Those living arrangements didn't last very long either but by then he had found a job and accumulated enough money to rent an apartment. I really thought his being in that situation would quiet his haranguing about welfare cheats and all the crooks out there who were gaming the system. Any system. I hoped his being homeless and only surviving because he had sisters who could help him would give him some empathy for others in the same situation. Nope. He was just as unkind, unfeeling and judgmental as ever. I would like to think that kindness, like empathy can be learned. Harsh experiences do seem to teach some people about how not to judge others. But sometimes, even those lived experiences do nothing to teach those things.
Over the years, we also have opened our homes to any workers on our property. Early on, we came back from getting coffee in the morning to find the police in our driveway. Someone had seen the landscapers jumping our fence to pee across the road and they called the police. We assured the police that the landscapers were there to work for us and that nothing bad was happening. After that we always made one of the buildings was open so they had full facilities. These guys were at our house for 3 to 4 hours at a stretch and I was horrified I hadn't thought of opening everything for them. Nothing was ever taken, nothing was ever broken and they were neater and more careful than anyone else who ever came to visit. We were really sorry to say goodbye to those guys when we moved into town.
Penny, so well said. My big brother was exactly the same; he was angry and bitter and a black hole into which people poured money and love to no avail. He took his life at 62. I learned a great deal watching that story unfold. All we did was enable his behavior, which is terribly sad, but so often our best efforts end up not paying off for certain people. Honestly, sometimes I am convinced we are just wired a certain way.
I do think it is hard to change significantly once we are adults unless we put tremendous effort into that. I’ve noticed that many families seem to have one child who ends up getting pampered/spoiled/the rules don’t to them situation because one or both of the parents enables that behavior. They get bailed out when the other children don’t. They get special treatment and don’t have to do chores that the other siblings are doing. It sets up an inequality that endures time. And when all those siblings are adults, you can bet that you’re going to see tension rise when that preferred child doesn’t get what they think they are owed. I’ve seen it play out way too many times to say it was just a random accident.
You just nailed what happened in my family. My brother got bailed out, but I didn't- and what a gift that was. I built a backbone, my brother learned to manipulate people to take care of him. Those are terribly hard lessons. I am grateful to my folks for saying no to me.
I agree, 100% Julia! I developed a back bone too, and it sure has helped me when life didn’t go as planned. Thankfully, I’ve been able to recover and heal from many negative life events.
Thank you .
My wife and I use a small local landscape supply company for stone and gravel. We’ve needed numerous loads over the past couple of years to repair drainage issues in our long, gravel driveway. Last week, the dump truck driver and company owner were here spreading a load and commented our place is one of their favorite places to deliver and work. I asked, “why is that?” “Because you’re nice,” was the first thing out of the driver’s mouth. His reply stuck with me. Is being nice so rare as to be noteworthy? Perhaps so…