You and I Are Too Old to Leave Our Humanity Behind

Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society

Photo by Filip Mroz on Unsplash

In an increasingly unkind world, the power of kindness transforms

It had been snowing in Denver, and the fluff piled up on driveways in my friend’s neighborhood. She was working from home when she heard a knock at the front door.

A Mexican man stood there in the bitter cold with his son, asking if she wanted her driveway shoveled. He was a regular, offering the families and older folks around her that courtesy.

Having lived in Denver for 50 years, there were plenty of times I wish someone had offered me that courtesy.

My friend said no thanks, and closed the door.

Seconds later, she was running down the block after them.

She had changed her mind.

The pair made quick work of her driveway. Then she made coffee and a snack inside for both of them and sent them on their way, paid, warm and fed.

And grateful, because Melissa took the extra time, care and kindness to include them in her life.

She was perfectly capable of taking care of her own driveway. That wasn’t the point.

It wasn’t about her damned ego.

Photo by Francesco Ungaro @ungarophrancesco on Unsplash

In 2015 I was getting ready to trek a part of Rwanda to see chimpanzees. Several local tribal men were standing around waiting while our guide told us what to expect.

She said that the men were there to take our backpacks and hold other things for us as we trekked this slippery, wet and dangerous jungle landscape.

One American man nearly bellowed, I CAN CARRY MY OWN BACKPACK. He grinned at his own superiority.

Not the point. These men were previously hunters. These days, the hunting skills passed down to them have been arbitrarily renamed poaching. Overnight, what their families had done for centuries was now a criminal activity, with nothing to replace it.

Without hunting animals to sell at the markets, they can’t take care of their families.

Allowing them to carry our gear gives them work, protects animals and feeds and educates their kids. They show up every day to carry the load for tourists who have no clue how to navigate the mud, the holes, the slick leaves, snakes and undergrowth.

The American man still said no.

He had a rough time. Those of us who paid a few dollars for help?

We could concentrate on the animals instead of juggling our gear. The men we hired showed us where to step, where the holes were, and where to find the animals to photograph.

Not about your damned ego.

Some weeks later in Uganda, I hired three local men to carry my gear while I went trekking to see gorillas. I’d had terrible stomach issues and was weak for lack of food. Three men walked with me on the six-hour trek. When I got tired, they were right there with water, food and a helping hand if necessary.

The cost of their support, which I not only appreciated but needed, was a paltry few dollars per person. Dollars which would keep them out of the jungle looking for game and which would feed their families.

Other trekkers who refused the help had a very hard time on those steep mountainsides, especially on the way back up the muddy slopes.

Not about my damned ego.

My landscaper, Manuel, is a US citizen. He does a terrific job for me. Every time he comes for a job he brings another person from his community. Everybody needs work, and he makes sure that the work is spread around.

I have a downstairs guest bathroom. It’s open for them, as is my kitchen if they need water or ice, especially on July and August days.

I’m shocked at how many people refuse to let workers relieve themselves while working on their houses. They have to drive to a gas station or find a bush. What on earth is the matter with such people?

When it gets really cold, I make a pot of coffee with cream and sugar so that they could warm up.

People are welcome to come inside to cool off while working on my roof in 100+ degree weather. To warm up when their hands freeze digging posts. To refill their coffee.

It would be hard to express the gratitude that I get from every single person who has worked on my house these last five years when I open my kitchen and bathroom to them for their comfort and convenience.

The quality of their work reflects that they are happy to come back, love on my dog and are extremely respectful of my house. My bathroom sink is cleaned out and they are very careful not to track stuff in.

Hell, I’m worse than they are. When I found out that they got bonuses for good reviews, I gave them five stars on Google reviews. They’d earned it.

I have zero fear that anyone’s going to take anything. If anything, these folks, no matter their backgrounds, tend to be more protective of my space when I welcome them into it.

Melissa reconsidered the driveway job because it wasn’t about what she needed or didn’t need. It was about our humanity.

She and I have both traveled to places where the cost of a latte could feed a family for a week.

All we had to do is say yes to a convenience. It was a kindess to both parties and all came away feeling better.

In a world demonstrating greater selfishness, hurtfulness and greed every day, perhaps we might remember that someday it might be our turn to need to work for pennies. To need a kind person to take care of us as we age alone and forgotten.

Too many Americans live on the tightrope of one medical emergency from disaster.

In my early thirties, I spent eighteen months homeless.

Until and unless you have been through something like this, if your needs have always been met and you’ve never known that kind of awful vulnerability, it is so easy to blame the person in those circumstances.

My situation was blessedly brief. I found work, and relaunched my life.

A decade later I had to file bankruptcy because of medical bills, putting me all-too-close to a repeat of that awful situation. I survived.

Not everyone can. Not everyone does.

Karma has a way of coming around. I believe it does, anyway. You and I will someday be very old, if we are fortunate. If we are truly fortunate we will have put enough kindness into the bank that people will be kind to us.

We deserve to be treated with grace, respect and regard. In this terribly unpredictable world, we have no idea when it might be our turn to desperately need an odd job or access to a clean toilet.

This is what it means to be kind in practice. You and I are faced all day every day with opportunities just like this. I’m not looking for accolades. I don’t do nearly enough.

But I will say that every time I get the chance to be kind, I am remade.

Let’s play.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

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