Going to the gym is so interesting. I'm in the "older" group and I watch my fellow oldsters around me. I think I'm sort of in the middle of the group when it comes to fitness and intention. I love the ones who are going for it and look like they are. They come and work out and look fabulous. They are way ahead of me and I love that I take encouragement and motivation from them. The ones who look like they started at the gym today and need some work to get to my level of fitness, well, I want to give them a high five and tell them they are well on their way to a better life. Regardless of fitness level or ability, I'm most impressed with my fellow oldsters who have a big smile on their face and when asked how they're doing, always say "I'm doing great today. How about you?" You can tell when it's a real reaction said with enthusiasm or just a pat response. But even a pat response is a good thing. The more times you say you're doing great, the easier it is to really believe it.
I hadn't heard that story, and I'm grateful to you for sharing it. There's a huge, crucial difference between toxic positivity and exercising one's power to choose through which lens you wish to see what must be confronted. We could demolish so much of the fear of aging if we could decide it's beautiful.
Of course, Jan, consider the alternative. It's not easy but I'm not sure I want things to be easy. I want to earn what peace and joy I have. And you're right,, that is a choice, not a toxic imperative.
This is on point. I never realized how ageism works until I went on a dating site at 59. I look 40. But, damn, that algorithm kills my chances. This is a great piece. I will say that being older and single is not what I planned for.
So true. I've always looked younger, and at 65 was on Match.com. I've been a body builder for years. Nobody responded. NOBODY, except trolls who accused me of photoshopping my head onto a younger woman's body. I didn't plan on being single at 71 either, or for that matter, most of my adult life. However, my choice is to see all life, single, paired, whatever, as equally valuable. It's a challenge, oy, but I'm up for it. At least I have my ancient teddy bear!
Thank you for responding. Well, I think you are pretty cool. I've never been single for this long. I don't think I am built for this. It's really difficult. I really like your work.
While I resist this at times, I have to relax into the fact that I am where I need to be at all times. No matter what. Of course I want to throw a tantrum. That won't get me anywhere but an ugly face. So I sit with it, and the irritation passes. And comes back, natch, but it's all good.
And I never realized what ageism is until I lost my job at 50. Getting interviews is a challenge but hearing back after the interview is damn near non-existent. I can’t help but think they realized my age after seeing me and decided I don't fot their demographic.
Thanks for sharing this story that we cannot hear too many times. Aging vibrantly is a message I live by and teach as well, and yet I love hearing it from you over and over.
You bet, Donna. When people bark about gratitude, what comes to mind is "wait a while." When the body doesn't do what it used to, when things we used to count out count us out, we realize how much we had when we had it, and how important it is to be grateful right now.
Going to the gym is so interesting. I'm in the "older" group and I watch my fellow oldsters around me. I think I'm sort of in the middle of the group when it comes to fitness and intention. I love the ones who are going for it and look like they are. They come and work out and look fabulous. They are way ahead of me and I love that I take encouragement and motivation from them. The ones who look like they started at the gym today and need some work to get to my level of fitness, well, I want to give them a high five and tell them they are well on their way to a better life. Regardless of fitness level or ability, I'm most impressed with my fellow oldsters who have a big smile on their face and when asked how they're doing, always say "I'm doing great today. How about you?" You can tell when it's a real reaction said with enthusiasm or just a pat response. But even a pat response is a good thing. The more times you say you're doing great, the easier it is to really believe it.
“I’ve already decided it’s beautiful!”
I absolutely love that! Positive attitude!!
I hadn't heard that story, and I'm grateful to you for sharing it. There's a huge, crucial difference between toxic positivity and exercising one's power to choose through which lens you wish to see what must be confronted. We could demolish so much of the fear of aging if we could decide it's beautiful.
Of course, Jan, consider the alternative. It's not easy but I'm not sure I want things to be easy. I want to earn what peace and joy I have. And you're right,, that is a choice, not a toxic imperative.
This is on point. I never realized how ageism works until I went on a dating site at 59. I look 40. But, damn, that algorithm kills my chances. This is a great piece. I will say that being older and single is not what I planned for.
So true. I've always looked younger, and at 65 was on Match.com. I've been a body builder for years. Nobody responded. NOBODY, except trolls who accused me of photoshopping my head onto a younger woman's body. I didn't plan on being single at 71 either, or for that matter, most of my adult life. However, my choice is to see all life, single, paired, whatever, as equally valuable. It's a challenge, oy, but I'm up for it. At least I have my ancient teddy bear!
Thank you for responding. Well, I think you are pretty cool. I've never been single for this long. I don't think I am built for this. It's really difficult. I really like your work.
While I resist this at times, I have to relax into the fact that I am where I need to be at all times. No matter what. Of course I want to throw a tantrum. That won't get me anywhere but an ugly face. So I sit with it, and the irritation passes. And comes back, natch, but it's all good.
Well. I would date you. You're a great writer. Intelligent. Kind. All the boxes ticked off.
I'm serious. My time is short!!
That's lovely of you. You have time!
And I never realized what ageism is until I lost my job at 50. Getting interviews is a challenge but hearing back after the interview is damn near non-existent. I can’t help but think they realized my age after seeing me and decided I don't fot their demographic.
That is so awful and unkind. As, I wrote, I am a 59 year old man. Looking for love. I'm sorry that happened to you
I hope love will be easier to find for you than a job is for me! 😁 Best of luck in your search.
Thanks for sharing this story that we cannot hear too many times. Aging vibrantly is a message I live by and teach as well, and yet I love hearing it from you over and over.
You bet, Donna. When people bark about gratitude, what comes to mind is "wait a while." When the body doesn't do what it used to, when things we used to count out count us out, we realize how much we had when we had it, and how important it is to be grateful right now.
Yep. I also remind myself of that when I look in the mirror, 'I will never look this young again so enjoy it'.