"Own your age and what comes with it." This is the place to begin for goddess sake, and do so with gratitude that we've made it to the age where we are. I love being in my seventies. I may not be quite as fast, but I still haven't met a hiking trail that I don't love. And I find that wandering the trail is much more fulfilling as I have more time to reflect and contemplate life, more time to truly be in love with life. As your piece illustrates Julia, there is a great liberation that comes with the aging. Sign me your friend, fan and a happy hag!
I love love LOVED this article, Julia and as you can probably guess agree with it 100%! I am so much happier than I was when I was younger and I become a happier goddess for every passing year, especially after finding the courage to leave a stultifying marriage. With adult independent children, my duties to my parents as caregiver now over (as wrenching as the loss of my mom was, to dementia), I feel the same "wheeeee!" freedom I felt in my 20s but it's so much better because I am infinitely wiser and braver now and call out my own bullshit as well as those of others. Onward, sister!
Your voice is so needed in the world today! This is a wonderful article. Yes, it's true that misogynistic cultures -- there are many -- insult women for getting older, while stereotyping older men as mature and distinguished. It's a huge lie, and I am so grateful for your calling out the societal views about older women. We are certainly important contributors to society, by we live in a misogynist culture.
For me, my beef with getting older isn't about attracting others, but the aches and pains that come with age, aches and pains that men get too.
Keep writing about this important topic. The universe continues to need your voice.
Oh my do we have our share of those, Beth. That's one of the prices we pay for an aging body, but thank god for Tylenol! Thanks so much for your kind words!
I'm a bad ass. A bad ass crone, and I totally own that. In my 20s, I worked in bars that were owned by mobsters who are either now dead, in jail, or have moved on to more legimate enterprises. How I looked, and how sexy I could be, was a big part of my income. When I reached the age that I became invisible, it freaked me out at first. It took some adjusting, but then at one point, it occurred to me that it might be time to get back in touch with some of those old "bosses" because I was now the perfect get away driver. No one would ever notice me, remember me or suspect me. For a while though, I got lost in that invisiblilty.
Somewhere between then and now, at almost 67 (in two days) I've found myself again, the newer classic version of me, it comes with a new swagger and confidence and sense of possibility. I take no shit. I give no fucks. And enjoying myself not more, but differently, than I did in my 20s, 30s and even my 40s.
Yes to this! I love getting older, and love being on this platform surrounded by the voices of wise older women, busting the myths and negativity that surround aging. I love Sharon Blackie's term 'Hagitude' and love your re-spinning of HAG as an acronym 😀 Keep doing what you do, the world needs more noisy older women disrupting the status quo!
Love turning your acronym for HAG on the original meaning of the word on its head. Great fun.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a person I hardly recognize from just a few years ago. I just shrug my shoulders at the wrinkles and sagging skin. Seeing a plastic surgeon to “correct” the image isn’t going to happen. Ever.
You know, Linda, I got face lift when I turned 51 or so. I'm not sorry I did it but unlike another friend of mine, a second (or more) is chasing a dream. We end up looking ridiculous and empty our bank accounts. My face is what it is these days, and it tells the stories I want it to tell.
I LOVE this post Julia, thank you. Our Western culture DOES suck at this—at honoring and celebrating our Elders but especially our women Elders. This world would be so different if we had more heads of state who were grandmothers.
I will happily take crone as my word although goddess is pretty special too. Interestingly, I don't feel very invisible these days even at 75, but the bright purple hair over my deeply lined and wrinkled face might be part of that. I have been accused of being able to carry on a conversation with a brick wall so that curmudgeon in front of me in line at the grocery store doesn't stand a chance! I'll get him (her, it they) smiling in no time.
One of my role models was a sister I attended a weekend event with about 25 years ago. Very spry, tiny, and vibrant. When someone asked her how old she was, she replied, “I am 73, and I claim every year.“ I will be 73 in a few months, and I plan to claim every year. As I do now.
Julia, I love how you claim the term "hag" and "goddess." I'm trying to find a term I can relate to. I like hag and cron. I recently ruminated on how my youthful face just 5 years ago had given way to gray, thinning hair, and how my face is drooping, while blaming my ex for the emotional tortures that caused me rapid aging during these past years. Yet at the same time I feel liberated from the male gaze, and let me tell you, that is the most liberating feeling I've ever had. I feel that I was not really happy in the decades prior, because I was constantly living with the male gaze in mind, and also the perfect daughter expectation at the same time. I was not my own person. I did not own my sovereignty and agency. Now at 52, I finally have freed myself to live in my own terms. And I embrace the wisdom behind the wrinkles and gray hair, as well as the strength and "stink" from the fermentation of abuse and grief.
I'd like to recommend a book for your community here. "Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to be Wanted" by Polly Young-Einsendrath. In this book, the author tells a fascinating story of Sir Gawain and the Lady Ragnell. Lady Ragnell, who has a "grotesque" appearance, reveals the secret of what a women truly desires: "What a woman desires above all else is the power of sovereignty, the right to exercise her own free will." She actually chose Sir Gawain as her husband and negotiated their marriage in her own terms. The end of the story is wonderful but I don't want to spoil it here ;-) I think this is an amazing allegory of the feminine power and an example of the probably the earliest expression of feminimism.
To the book: many many many of us women have read Mists of Avalon, the retelling of the story of Camelot from the standpoint of the women. I read that enormous doorstop of a book every five years just to see where I am along the arc of Morgaine, the primary character. It's a profound book about women and women's power, the choices we make and the costs to society when society turns away from women's agency and chooses patriarchy. Thanks kindly for your comments, Louisa. We are all of us finding our way, our language to describe ourselves and the right to age without apology. No easy task.
It's a big, long book. One of my friends simply could not get into it, but then some of her faves aren't for me, either. That said, fair warning, Marion Zimmer Bradley has a daughter who has gone quite public with some pretty horrible accusations. No idea of they are true, but something to be mindful of going forward. We are all of us terribly complex.
"Own your age and what comes with it." This is the place to begin for goddess sake, and do so with gratitude that we've made it to the age where we are. I love being in my seventies. I may not be quite as fast, but I still haven't met a hiking trail that I don't love. And I find that wandering the trail is much more fulfilling as I have more time to reflect and contemplate life, more time to truly be in love with life. As your piece illustrates Julia, there is a great liberation that comes with the aging. Sign me your friend, fan and a happy hag!
Cheers, Julia. The adjective I have aspired to for decades — and believe I'm getting close to achieving this decade — is "formidable."
HAPPILY. A. GODDESS. Shell 🐚 YES!
I'm a Sea-witch Mermaid, Water-lover, Earth Singer, Truth Dancer, Deep Listener, Daring Dreamer...
I love this Christine. We get to own our own labels!
Ah this article is salve on my wounded soul. Thank you!
You are so welcome, Violet. There are a million reasons to be hopeful.
I love love LOVED this article, Julia and as you can probably guess agree with it 100%! I am so much happier than I was when I was younger and I become a happier goddess for every passing year, especially after finding the courage to leave a stultifying marriage. With adult independent children, my duties to my parents as caregiver now over (as wrenching as the loss of my mom was, to dementia), I feel the same "wheeeee!" freedom I felt in my 20s but it's so much better because I am infinitely wiser and braver now and call out my own bullshit as well as those of others. Onward, sister!
The "wheee" I feel now when I take a chance is so much more heartfelt because I know far more the fullness of what it really means. What a gift, Amy!
Julia,
Your voice is so needed in the world today! This is a wonderful article. Yes, it's true that misogynistic cultures -- there are many -- insult women for getting older, while stereotyping older men as mature and distinguished. It's a huge lie, and I am so grateful for your calling out the societal views about older women. We are certainly important contributors to society, by we live in a misogynist culture.
For me, my beef with getting older isn't about attracting others, but the aches and pains that come with age, aches and pains that men get too.
Keep writing about this important topic. The universe continues to need your voice.
Oh my do we have our share of those, Beth. That's one of the prices we pay for an aging body, but thank god for Tylenol! Thanks so much for your kind words!
I'm a bad ass. A bad ass crone, and I totally own that. In my 20s, I worked in bars that were owned by mobsters who are either now dead, in jail, or have moved on to more legimate enterprises. How I looked, and how sexy I could be, was a big part of my income. When I reached the age that I became invisible, it freaked me out at first. It took some adjusting, but then at one point, it occurred to me that it might be time to get back in touch with some of those old "bosses" because I was now the perfect get away driver. No one would ever notice me, remember me or suspect me. For a while though, I got lost in that invisiblilty.
Somewhere between then and now, at almost 67 (in two days) I've found myself again, the newer classic version of me, it comes with a new swagger and confidence and sense of possibility. I take no shit. I give no fucks. And enjoying myself not more, but differently, than I did in my 20s, 30s and even my 40s.
Yay! Over 70 and free!
Just read a great novel on this issue. Women fighting back. The Revenge Club Kathy Lette.
There are so very many to choose from. So many great voices now!
(A gasp from his sofa-recliner. Gary reads, enthralled, at Julia’s fist shaking at our society’s “norms.”) And totally unsurprising, of course.
Thank you Gary.
Yes to this! I love getting older, and love being on this platform surrounded by the voices of wise older women, busting the myths and negativity that surround aging. I love Sharon Blackie's term 'Hagitude' and love your re-spinning of HAG as an acronym 😀 Keep doing what you do, the world needs more noisy older women disrupting the status quo!
Love turning your acronym for HAG on the original meaning of the word on its head. Great fun.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a person I hardly recognize from just a few years ago. I just shrug my shoulders at the wrinkles and sagging skin. Seeing a plastic surgeon to “correct” the image isn’t going to happen. Ever.
You know, Linda, I got face lift when I turned 51 or so. I'm not sorry I did it but unlike another friend of mine, a second (or more) is chasing a dream. We end up looking ridiculous and empty our bank accounts. My face is what it is these days, and it tells the stories I want it to tell.
Looking ridiculous (thinking of some Hollywood types), is kind. Clownish or hideous is closer to how I would describe the end result for way too many.
Agree completely. People lose all sense of what they look like to the general public.,
Hi Julia, Love this article. I am about 18 months from 60 and have already snapped up FairyCrone🧚🏼♀️
I love that!
I LOVE this post Julia, thank you. Our Western culture DOES suck at this—at honoring and celebrating our Elders but especially our women Elders. This world would be so different if we had more heads of state who were grandmothers.
I will happily take crone as my word although goddess is pretty special too. Interestingly, I don't feel very invisible these days even at 75, but the bright purple hair over my deeply lined and wrinkled face might be part of that. I have been accused of being able to carry on a conversation with a brick wall so that curmudgeon in front of me in line at the grocery store doesn't stand a chance! I'll get him (her, it they) smiling in no time.
One of my role models was a sister I attended a weekend event with about 25 years ago. Very spry, tiny, and vibrant. When someone asked her how old she was, she replied, “I am 73, and I claim every year.“ I will be 73 in a few months, and I plan to claim every year. As I do now.
Wonderful, Betsy, and well said.
Julia, I love how you claim the term "hag" and "goddess." I'm trying to find a term I can relate to. I like hag and cron. I recently ruminated on how my youthful face just 5 years ago had given way to gray, thinning hair, and how my face is drooping, while blaming my ex for the emotional tortures that caused me rapid aging during these past years. Yet at the same time I feel liberated from the male gaze, and let me tell you, that is the most liberating feeling I've ever had. I feel that I was not really happy in the decades prior, because I was constantly living with the male gaze in mind, and also the perfect daughter expectation at the same time. I was not my own person. I did not own my sovereignty and agency. Now at 52, I finally have freed myself to live in my own terms. And I embrace the wisdom behind the wrinkles and gray hair, as well as the strength and "stink" from the fermentation of abuse and grief.
I'd like to recommend a book for your community here. "Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting to be Wanted" by Polly Young-Einsendrath. In this book, the author tells a fascinating story of Sir Gawain and the Lady Ragnell. Lady Ragnell, who has a "grotesque" appearance, reveals the secret of what a women truly desires: "What a woman desires above all else is the power of sovereignty, the right to exercise her own free will." She actually chose Sir Gawain as her husband and negotiated their marriage in her own terms. The end of the story is wonderful but I don't want to spoil it here ;-) I think this is an amazing allegory of the feminine power and an example of the probably the earliest expression of feminimism.
To the book: many many many of us women have read Mists of Avalon, the retelling of the story of Camelot from the standpoint of the women. I read that enormous doorstop of a book every five years just to see where I am along the arc of Morgaine, the primary character. It's a profound book about women and women's power, the choices we make and the costs to society when society turns away from women's agency and chooses patriarchy. Thanks kindly for your comments, Louisa. We are all of us finding our way, our language to describe ourselves and the right to age without apology. No easy task.
Thank you for the introduction of "Mists of Avalon." I will check it out!
YES to aging without apology!
It's a big, long book. One of my friends simply could not get into it, but then some of her faves aren't for me, either. That said, fair warning, Marion Zimmer Bradley has a daughter who has gone quite public with some pretty horrible accusations. No idea of they are true, but something to be mindful of going forward. We are all of us terribly complex.
Oh, how intriguing. Thanks for the warning! I saw there're DVDs of the same title. Is that a TV series? Worth watching or...?
BTW, I was delighted to see the name "Avalon" in the title. It's the model of my car ;-)
There was a movie with Angelica Huston. Never saw it. I was fearful of what the editors would remove from the book.