A number of years ago,my son was dating someone whose mother was having some of the same physical issues that I have. His girlfriend was rather amazed that I was getting out and doing things despite my challenges. Her mom was staying home, complaining about her situation. Your comment about people watching really resonates with me. I get up and do despite to the best that I can. And I will until I no longer can.
At 77 my wife and I are at the stage where the marital vow "in sickness and in health" has become a lot more significant. The first half of the year we navigated through her heart issue, which has thankfully been resolved. Now it's my turn, as cataract surgery has impacted my ability to drive, as well as do some of the things that are part of my daily routine. It's temporary, as was her issue, but it underscores the need to be adjust our lifestyle to compensate. After more than 50 years of preparing our annual Thanksgiving meal, replete with traditional dishes that our 3 sons look forward to all year, Nana has prepared recipe books for the three daughters-in-law and they are preparing some of the coveted items this year. Fortunately both of us are in excellent health, and still able to do the things that we enjoy. And like every senior that ever lived, we want to stay in our home until the last possible day. We will, albeit grudgingly, make the adjustments necessary for that, as we take solace in the memories that we've built together.
In so many ways I envy you this connection, Jim. I'm glad you've finished that surgery and also know how wobbly it can be shortly thereafter but I'm looking forward to more writing as your vision improves.
Julia, thanks so much for this lovely comment: “She is a supreme giver, and her soul is deeply interwoven with empathy and care.” I appreciate it.
Sometimes I feel as though I’m alone and trudging through muck (or more aptly wading through water, as we’ve had plumbing problems at this house that caused drywall problems in the PR, kitchen ceiling, hall bathroom in 6 months). I know these feelings are temporary, as is life itself.
Time for fun is limited, but there are opportunities that I seize when they present themselves. Example: an email last week asking if I wanted to be waitlisted for a concert, if tickets became available. I replied yes and was notified 3 days later that they were. I called the box office Friday morning, bought two tickets to hear this fabulous pianist (Jonathan Biss) Friday night. Didn’t know which of my friends was available on short notice; placed a phone call to a friend I hadn’t seen in a month and she had no plans for that evening. While Joanne isn’t as familiar with classical music as I am, she likes piano music. So we went to a pre-concert lecture about Schubert, his musical talents and what we could expect to hear from Mr. Biss’ playing.
Going to musical concerts and the theater keeps me centered and feeling less overwhelmed. I have three different subscriptions for performances in the coming months. Something to look forward to each month!
Much deserved Linda. You are so welcome. If I could stay awake past seven I'd go to concerts myself but my face is in the soup by 6:30 pm. I love classical music.
Julia and Linda thank you for sharing this vulnerable story. There is a price for being fully human and to see it played out with such generosity of spirit is very inspiring.
I understand and empathize with Linda's transitions. We downsized our home last fall and let go of many things we had been clinging to. I was fortunate that my husband did not resist the changes I pushed for although one might point out that he really doesn't have enough to do here in town with only a small yard. He is working hard to fill his time and find useful things to keep him busy. I'm very proud of him for that.
As to the other thing you mentioned, silencing the Loony Toons going on all around us, I find I can't listen to my favorite radio stations these days. Even NPR drives me nuts so I'm only listening to music for now. We are watching less and less television and muting the sound more and more. Even the various ads that didn't drive me nuts initially are wearing very thin. Better to spend my time at my loom or at my spinning wheel or reading a book. Or at the gym, of course!
It's always an honor to meet people, in whatever way they come into my experience, like Linda. Courage and grace — thank you for sharing her story with us.
Hi Julia, Linda's story is so poignant. Being a caregiver is very difficult. My dad had Parkinson's and dementia. He and my mom moved to another house, and he was disoriented. Perhaps Linda can find a smaller home in the same neighborhood, so the change won't be so abrupt for her husband? As they say, aging is not for sissies. It is difficult to watch ourselves and loved ones age. Thank you for this beautiful post.
One of the more difficult challenges in these later years is the mental and physical decline of a loved one and knowing that we may not be far behind. Much of it is related to the deteriorating functions that were once so vibrant and remembering then contrasted with now. Adapting and adjusting to these changes does not come easily. A plan ahead of said decline can help but does not answer all the questions and concerns. Family can be helpful and supportive if available but that's not necessarily true for everyone. Each person, each situation, while similar to others, is unique to that person, that life and what next. Sharing with trusted friends can help too.
Yes, adapting to these changes is indeed challenging. Family support is limited, as I have no siblings and first cousins who have their own health issues, sadly. We’re all seniors! My only son lives 700+ miles away; I can count on him with a phone call, if required. I rely on fabulous neighbors and dear friends who live w/i an hour’s drive for support.
A number of years ago,my son was dating someone whose mother was having some of the same physical issues that I have. His girlfriend was rather amazed that I was getting out and doing things despite my challenges. Her mom was staying home, complaining about her situation. Your comment about people watching really resonates with me. I get up and do despite to the best that I can. And I will until I no longer can.
I love this Nancy. We can give up or we can get going. That simple. Even if it's changing our minds.
At 77 my wife and I are at the stage where the marital vow "in sickness and in health" has become a lot more significant. The first half of the year we navigated through her heart issue, which has thankfully been resolved. Now it's my turn, as cataract surgery has impacted my ability to drive, as well as do some of the things that are part of my daily routine. It's temporary, as was her issue, but it underscores the need to be adjust our lifestyle to compensate. After more than 50 years of preparing our annual Thanksgiving meal, replete with traditional dishes that our 3 sons look forward to all year, Nana has prepared recipe books for the three daughters-in-law and they are preparing some of the coveted items this year. Fortunately both of us are in excellent health, and still able to do the things that we enjoy. And like every senior that ever lived, we want to stay in our home until the last possible day. We will, albeit grudgingly, make the adjustments necessary for that, as we take solace in the memories that we've built together.
In so many ways I envy you this connection, Jim. I'm glad you've finished that surgery and also know how wobbly it can be shortly thereafter but I'm looking forward to more writing as your vision improves.
Only half done, as the right eye gets done next week. The big surprise is how much the surgery brightened up the house.
I love that!
Julia, thanks so much for this lovely comment: “She is a supreme giver, and her soul is deeply interwoven with empathy and care.” I appreciate it.
Sometimes I feel as though I’m alone and trudging through muck (or more aptly wading through water, as we’ve had plumbing problems at this house that caused drywall problems in the PR, kitchen ceiling, hall bathroom in 6 months). I know these feelings are temporary, as is life itself.
Time for fun is limited, but there are opportunities that I seize when they present themselves. Example: an email last week asking if I wanted to be waitlisted for a concert, if tickets became available. I replied yes and was notified 3 days later that they were. I called the box office Friday morning, bought two tickets to hear this fabulous pianist (Jonathan Biss) Friday night. Didn’t know which of my friends was available on short notice; placed a phone call to a friend I hadn’t seen in a month and she had no plans for that evening. While Joanne isn’t as familiar with classical music as I am, she likes piano music. So we went to a pre-concert lecture about Schubert, his musical talents and what we could expect to hear from Mr. Biss’ playing.
Going to musical concerts and the theater keeps me centered and feeling less overwhelmed. I have three different subscriptions for performances in the coming months. Something to look forward to each month!
Much deserved Linda. You are so welcome. If I could stay awake past seven I'd go to concerts myself but my face is in the soup by 6:30 pm. I love classical music.
Julia and Linda thank you for sharing this vulnerable story. There is a price for being fully human and to see it played out with such generosity of spirit is very inspiring.
I understand and empathize with Linda's transitions. We downsized our home last fall and let go of many things we had been clinging to. I was fortunate that my husband did not resist the changes I pushed for although one might point out that he really doesn't have enough to do here in town with only a small yard. He is working hard to fill his time and find useful things to keep him busy. I'm very proud of him for that.
As to the other thing you mentioned, silencing the Loony Toons going on all around us, I find I can't listen to my favorite radio stations these days. Even NPR drives me nuts so I'm only listening to music for now. We are watching less and less television and muting the sound more and more. Even the various ads that didn't drive me nuts initially are wearing very thin. Better to spend my time at my loom or at my spinning wheel or reading a book. Or at the gym, of course!
Me, too. Penny. Me, too. Movies help. Substack is overwhelmed with too much political stuff and therefore I am avoiding reading much.
It's always an honor to meet people, in whatever way they come into my experience, like Linda. Courage and grace — thank you for sharing her story with us.
Hi Julia, Linda's story is so poignant. Being a caregiver is very difficult. My dad had Parkinson's and dementia. He and my mom moved to another house, and he was disoriented. Perhaps Linda can find a smaller home in the same neighborhood, so the change won't be so abrupt for her husband? As they say, aging is not for sissies. It is difficult to watch ourselves and loved ones age. Thank you for this beautiful post.
One of the more difficult challenges in these later years is the mental and physical decline of a loved one and knowing that we may not be far behind. Much of it is related to the deteriorating functions that were once so vibrant and remembering then contrasted with now. Adapting and adjusting to these changes does not come easily. A plan ahead of said decline can help but does not answer all the questions and concerns. Family can be helpful and supportive if available but that's not necessarily true for everyone. Each person, each situation, while similar to others, is unique to that person, that life and what next. Sharing with trusted friends can help too.
Yes, adapting to these changes is indeed challenging. Family support is limited, as I have no siblings and first cousins who have their own health issues, sadly. We’re all seniors! My only son lives 700+ miles away; I can count on him with a phone call, if required. I rely on fabulous neighbors and dear friends who live w/i an hour’s drive for support.
Good to know your network and be in touch. Nurture, sustain and enjoy those relationships knowing those will change too.