The Price Life Exacts...for Life

Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society

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We all have plenty in our buckets to carry, which is why compassion is critical

Linda Ann Robinson has followed me from Medium to my blog to here, and I have watched as her life has changed substantially. She is a supreme giver, and her soul is deeply interwoven with empathy and care. One reason is that her own life is challenged, as are so many of our lives as we age. Linda’s comment, printed here with permission, speaks to what she’s been juggling. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, then I read something like this and am reminded that no matter what I think my story may be, there are plenty of others dealing with much worse and still, staying positive.

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Linda writes:

Two summers ago, I had the exterior of our home of 30+ years painted (it has aluminum siding that was weather beaten by the sun and other elements, looking rather shabby). The chimney for the furnace needed brick pointing. The concrete decking around the pool needed repairs and painting. I was recognizing physical issues with my spouse's health which suggested we needed to downsize in the future.

Last year, when my husband was diagnosed with multiple medical issues (Parkinson's Disease, a 75% occlusion of his left carotid artery - surgery to fix that, NPH - aka water on the brain, which required brain surgery for the insertion of a shunt for drainage), I began the decluttering of our house. MANY books were donated. Unused things in the garage in particular were given away to friends and strangers (thanks to Craigslist).

Business clothing was also culled by both of us; there's a great organization here in Philadelphia called The Wardrobe which helps people in transition (newly-released prisoners, patients out of rehab, folks living on the financial edge) to dress for interviews. Volunteers help them to find the right clothes and shoes for the employment setting.

My spouse's two expensive tubas left our home (one was donated to a music teacher/professor; one was sold) along with literally five file drawers of sheet music for brass quintets, sextets, and other musical ensembles to four different people/organizations. He stopped playing professionally about five years ago and stopped practicing about three years ago. He realized that it was time to give up the equipment and music for the next generation of tuba players.

I had to coax him into this decision.

I reminded him that someone else of lesser means, especially up-and-coming students, would be delighted to be able to use one of his tubas at Temple University. He agreed, thankfully. It also gave him an opportunity for old friends and musicians to stop by the house to pick up the many boxes of sheet music that he painstakingly sorted through and labeled for different musical ensembles. It gave him a sense of purpose for a time.

It was a tough transition for him, after identifying as a tubist for 70 years (he's 80 now).

I realized, but he still does not accept it, that we need to let go of the house.

He's not ready. This 2500 square foot home is just too much for me to take care of. I at least have a respite from taking care of the inground pool that was closed up by a crew in mid-September. Opening and closing of said pool (it has a safety cover) is about $1.1K. Paying this company $4K a season for weekly maintenance for four months, just seems excessive to me. Yes, we wouldn't need to purchase pool chemicals...we have two dogs now and one of them has the wanderlust if gates are kept open. The crew for this company just shows up for repairs (we needed a new pool pump and other repairs this year) whenever. Like the landscaping crew.

Spouse's memory issues are becoming more and more pronounced. This house and our great neighbors are an "anchor" for him. Moving to a smaller place might just accelerate his cognitive issues...so, I am conflicted. I will not give up on the idea of moving, however.

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I’ve been following Linda’s story for several years just as she has followed mine. She shares photos of the gorgeous spring lilies in her yard just as I have shared mine. We both have, in our own ways, tough roads ahead.

Yet she consistently shows up for others, encourages, gives love and time and effort and support where she can. This is what character looks like.

Life exacts a price of us for our growth. If we want peace, it doesn’t come in avoidance. It comes from walking up to, and through, those difficult things we are given.

Thanks to Linda for being willing to share her story. For all of us who are dealing with the ravages of age on those we love, on ourselves, this is where we find our strength. Never surrender. There are people watching us and finding courage.

Above and beyond all this, remember to set aside time so that you can play. Your life depends on it.

I know we’re all distracted by the goings-on of the Looney Toons in all directions. Don’t be. Take a rest, eat cake with a kid, love yourself enough to shut that sh*t down for a while. We all deserve a break. If this article was useful to you please consider

If you know someone who might appreciate knowing that they are not alone in their challenges, please also consider

Thank you.