Wow. I can't tell you how much a shout-out from Julia Hubbel means to me. Not only that, but she's clarified my purpose in writing the pieces I do for Medium and Substack -- by pointing out the forest where all I saw were a bunch of trees. Whatever big change is coming up for Julia, may it lead to more genuine joy (and horses). And my heart goes out to her friend Melissa -- it's crucial to see personalized the damage that's being done to excellent public servants, and what we all stand to lose because of it.
Thanks so much Jan. This is where my journalism background comes in. While I have a lane, I also need to address how aging is affected by what's happening, and the impact it has on our society. Everyone is directly affected..so no matter how we voted, our vote affects the other guy and how they want to live. I ache that we are so divided, and Melissa's experience is replicated all over the country with much worse consequences.
Love this, Julia, and appreciate the mention. I was a 'free range child' due to the fact my father abandoned the family, disappearing for 37 years until I found him, and my mother worked full time as a result to support us. At the age of 6 I pleaded to be able to go home versus the babysitter's after school and she relented and I became a 'latch key child'.
I'll never forget when I was 8 years old being told by a friend that her parents forbid her to play with me anymore as I was "too independent." I felt a deep sense of shame and confusion hearing this, but didn't know what 'independent' meant (I figured it must be something very bad) so I looked it up in the dictionary when I got home. I'll never forget reading it and thinking, "What is so wrong with that?!?" I remain fiercely independent to this day, but I do know how to "play" well with others and be 'interdependent' in relationships.
The way we instill fear and shame into children never ceases to amaze (and sadden) me. Great post, thanks.
I’ve been on the fence about getting back to work and what level I’d like to do. It’s been 6 months of mostly “service to others” effort, which has been good for my heart. But I’ve finally crystallized what I miss about working in my field: being with others, in real time, whether in-person or remote, and solving problems together where we fire one another’s neurons. That gives me a fierce joy that this layabout life does not, so I’ll go figure out where and how to add that back in.
One thought I have often as I enter this age: leveraging our homes. I remember all the stories of widowed women who “took in lodgers”, cooking them dinner, giving them a place to live and someone to laugh about with their mates. This seems to have disappeared from our landscapes in the post-war era. It might be a way to dampen our self-centered selves, to open up to younger people who need housing, to make friendships across generations. And to stay in our homes. Done carefully, it might even bring joy to those who can’t travel. I’m going to keep thinking about it.
Nancy, I thought about this as well. I tried roommates, too, but after a very good experience with one of my closest friends I had a disaster. I prefer living alone, and I'm afraid that in Eugene, because household, car and petty theft are extremely high, I just don't feel comfortable. If I had a partner, perhaps. That said, at this point, the house likely has to go. I just can't afford the damned thing no matter how much I adore it, and I do. As I age, the high hill, the stairs, the split level and the skyrocketing costs of maintenance are going to eat me alive. The maintenance costs already do- I am tied to a pretty prison. That's hard to face but it's life.
Thank you for this, Julia. We're going to need each other more than ever now. We're a community, a team, a FORCE. But we're going to need R&R and companionship along the way. We have to remember to take it easy while the natural action would be to panic.
The things happening right now are baffling and tragic. We wouldn't be blamed for wanting to chuck it all in favor of chair-rocking and thumb-sucking, but that has to come in our off-moments.
We know there's work to do, and nobody else is going to do it. It's going to be hard on us, but we can do it if we know we're not alone. ❤️
Ramona, thanks so much. I'm not in a financial position to wait this out either- and as a soul who needs travel to survive, l'm right in the middle of making some hard decisions about what to do. That's another series of articles, but for now, let's just say that everything is on the table. I can write from anywhere, and anywhere might be an answer going forward.
Hi Julia, thanks for your mention. I appreciate learning about the invaluable work that your friend does, and a glimpse into what it means to be a federal employee. I think as the Musk atrocity unravels, a positive "side effect" (though I'd rather it didn't happen at all) is that slashing the federal staff makes me a lot more aware of the contributions of countless unsung heroes who are given the unsavory name "career bureaucrats." I'm understanding that the dilemma facing your friend is not an easy choice, and how cruel it is when a person has to choose between their livelihood and career vs. the people and animals they love and care for. The existence of this kind of dilemma itself points to the sick value system of our society.
I think your suggestion to choose traveling over a few more years on the job is a sound one and close to what I would choose if I were in the same situation.
As for me, I'm far from being able to retire, and the future looks bleak. I'm kind of already resigned to the prospect of never being able to retire. So what do I do? Live and squeeze out whatever makes me feel free and joyful in the little time I have in between working hours. Swimming allows me to feel that way. I wish I could one day swim in open water in an exotic place. I used to enjoy traveling in my 20s, and all that wunderlust was stopped due to financial abuse by my ex's. I'm still mourning that loss, and think that I could've traveled so much more and met so many interesting people if I wasn't bogged down. Now I'm bogged down by other things.
This is very close to home, Lily. I've been bogged down by huge home expenses that I couldn't have seen coming. They just never stop. I'm facing the reality that I won't be able to do much of anything I love if I don't let go of my house. These are hard decisions for so many of us, and part of my story is also men who took financial advantage, so I can relate.
I hear you, Julia! What with the tariffs, crazy policies and social instability, things will become more expensive. And I appreciate what you went through in terms of men who took financial advantage. Oh, don't get me started!!!
I think that more and more people will find ourselves in the "same boat" trying to swim against the currents. So many odds against us and hard decisions to make!
I'm trying to comfort myself in thinking that, perhaps, all this swimming upstream will make me strong like a salmon, LOL!
Thank you Julia - for calling each of us out to be aware of the truth about us - especially in this precious third trimester of our lives. These times have the silver lining of the potential of bringing us closer, aligning to our core values more fiercely, being kinder more often and paying attention to the beauty that constantly surrounds us despite the noise. I count myself grateful to be your friend. The world is a better place with you in it.
Recently, I had the 'opportunity' to take a part-time job 15 hours a week. I already teach fitness and yoga 5 hours a week which I love. My husband and I are 'in our travel era' taking as many trips as we can. I decided that this 'opportunity' wasn't for me as it would cut into how I like spending my time now - taking dance classes, volunteering at a local food pantry, spending time with my family and friends and writing! All those things currently bring me joy! And life's too short to not do something that brings you joy!
Precisely, Marlo. That's the question I'm currently posing. What about my current situation is costing me joy? After several years of very painful surgeries and PT, and two more of both to go coming up fast, and then constant very expensive repairs to the house which never ends, I'm having to look at whether or not where I am is where I can afford to remain. OMIGOD that's hard. I poured so much into that house. If I stay I may not be able to travel again. If my benefits get cut I'm dead in the water. After Medium went sideways in 2022, as it consistently does every few years hurting its top writers and just did again this month apparently, l lost a huge chunk of income that I counted on. I've only been able to regain a sixth of it and I just can't keep up with the bills. As with so many of us, I seriously doubt I can find a downsized place to live because millions of Americans are looking for precisely that at at time of skyrocketing prices and dropping incomes. I know what to, and it's a very painful choice, but not without lots and lots of benefits. More to follow. Adventure ahead!
Wow. I can't tell you how much a shout-out from Julia Hubbel means to me. Not only that, but she's clarified my purpose in writing the pieces I do for Medium and Substack -- by pointing out the forest where all I saw were a bunch of trees. Whatever big change is coming up for Julia, may it lead to more genuine joy (and horses). And my heart goes out to her friend Melissa -- it's crucial to see personalized the damage that's being done to excellent public servants, and what we all stand to lose because of it.
Thanks so much Jan. This is where my journalism background comes in. While I have a lane, I also need to address how aging is affected by what's happening, and the impact it has on our society. Everyone is directly affected..so no matter how we voted, our vote affects the other guy and how they want to live. I ache that we are so divided, and Melissa's experience is replicated all over the country with much worse consequences.
Yup, I definitely need my pupper! Starting next month, I'm working toward being able to travel a lot more with her in coming years.
Love this, Julia, and appreciate the mention. I was a 'free range child' due to the fact my father abandoned the family, disappearing for 37 years until I found him, and my mother worked full time as a result to support us. At the age of 6 I pleaded to be able to go home versus the babysitter's after school and she relented and I became a 'latch key child'.
I'll never forget when I was 8 years old being told by a friend that her parents forbid her to play with me anymore as I was "too independent." I felt a deep sense of shame and confusion hearing this, but didn't know what 'independent' meant (I figured it must be something very bad) so I looked it up in the dictionary when I got home. I'll never forget reading it and thinking, "What is so wrong with that?!?" I remain fiercely independent to this day, but I do know how to "play" well with others and be 'interdependent' in relationships.
The way we instill fear and shame into children never ceases to amaze (and sadden) me. Great post, thanks.
Hey, thanks for the mention!
I’m playing every evening.
I do a solo dance party and cut loose, shake it out. Life is too short to not dance every single day everyone needs to find a way to play.
So true and absolutely, I miss dancing, my feet need to heal up first. Back to salsa!
I’ve been on the fence about getting back to work and what level I’d like to do. It’s been 6 months of mostly “service to others” effort, which has been good for my heart. But I’ve finally crystallized what I miss about working in my field: being with others, in real time, whether in-person or remote, and solving problems together where we fire one another’s neurons. That gives me a fierce joy that this layabout life does not, so I’ll go figure out where and how to add that back in.
One thought I have often as I enter this age: leveraging our homes. I remember all the stories of widowed women who “took in lodgers”, cooking them dinner, giving them a place to live and someone to laugh about with their mates. This seems to have disappeared from our landscapes in the post-war era. It might be a way to dampen our self-centered selves, to open up to younger people who need housing, to make friendships across generations. And to stay in our homes. Done carefully, it might even bring joy to those who can’t travel. I’m going to keep thinking about it.
Nancy, I thought about this as well. I tried roommates, too, but after a very good experience with one of my closest friends I had a disaster. I prefer living alone, and I'm afraid that in Eugene, because household, car and petty theft are extremely high, I just don't feel comfortable. If I had a partner, perhaps. That said, at this point, the house likely has to go. I just can't afford the damned thing no matter how much I adore it, and I do. As I age, the high hill, the stairs, the split level and the skyrocketing costs of maintenance are going to eat me alive. The maintenance costs already do- I am tied to a pretty prison. That's hard to face but it's life.
Thank you for this, Julia. We're going to need each other more than ever now. We're a community, a team, a FORCE. But we're going to need R&R and companionship along the way. We have to remember to take it easy while the natural action would be to panic.
The things happening right now are baffling and tragic. We wouldn't be blamed for wanting to chuck it all in favor of chair-rocking and thumb-sucking, but that has to come in our off-moments.
We know there's work to do, and nobody else is going to do it. It's going to be hard on us, but we can do it if we know we're not alone. ❤️
Ramona, thanks so much. I'm not in a financial position to wait this out either- and as a soul who needs travel to survive, l'm right in the middle of making some hard decisions about what to do. That's another series of articles, but for now, let's just say that everything is on the table. I can write from anywhere, and anywhere might be an answer going forward.
Thanks for your input, Julia. That's the best thing about what we writers do--we can do it from anywhere. No limits. And we have plenty to say!
Hi Julia, thanks for your mention. I appreciate learning about the invaluable work that your friend does, and a glimpse into what it means to be a federal employee. I think as the Musk atrocity unravels, a positive "side effect" (though I'd rather it didn't happen at all) is that slashing the federal staff makes me a lot more aware of the contributions of countless unsung heroes who are given the unsavory name "career bureaucrats." I'm understanding that the dilemma facing your friend is not an easy choice, and how cruel it is when a person has to choose between their livelihood and career vs. the people and animals they love and care for. The existence of this kind of dilemma itself points to the sick value system of our society.
I think your suggestion to choose traveling over a few more years on the job is a sound one and close to what I would choose if I were in the same situation.
As for me, I'm far from being able to retire, and the future looks bleak. I'm kind of already resigned to the prospect of never being able to retire. So what do I do? Live and squeeze out whatever makes me feel free and joyful in the little time I have in between working hours. Swimming allows me to feel that way. I wish I could one day swim in open water in an exotic place. I used to enjoy traveling in my 20s, and all that wunderlust was stopped due to financial abuse by my ex's. I'm still mourning that loss, and think that I could've traveled so much more and met so many interesting people if I wasn't bogged down. Now I'm bogged down by other things.
This is very close to home, Lily. I've been bogged down by huge home expenses that I couldn't have seen coming. They just never stop. I'm facing the reality that I won't be able to do much of anything I love if I don't let go of my house. These are hard decisions for so many of us, and part of my story is also men who took financial advantage, so I can relate.
I hear you, Julia! What with the tariffs, crazy policies and social instability, things will become more expensive. And I appreciate what you went through in terms of men who took financial advantage. Oh, don't get me started!!!
I think that more and more people will find ourselves in the "same boat" trying to swim against the currents. So many odds against us and hard decisions to make!
I'm trying to comfort myself in thinking that, perhaps, all this swimming upstream will make me strong like a salmon, LOL!
There is so much strength to be gained going through all this, Lily. But it does such in the interim.
Thank you Julia - for calling each of us out to be aware of the truth about us - especially in this precious third trimester of our lives. These times have the silver lining of the potential of bringing us closer, aligning to our core values more fiercely, being kinder more often and paying attention to the beauty that constantly surrounds us despite the noise. I count myself grateful to be your friend. The world is a better place with you in it.
And you can tell you are a powerful inspiration. Thank you.
Recently, I had the 'opportunity' to take a part-time job 15 hours a week. I already teach fitness and yoga 5 hours a week which I love. My husband and I are 'in our travel era' taking as many trips as we can. I decided that this 'opportunity' wasn't for me as it would cut into how I like spending my time now - taking dance classes, volunteering at a local food pantry, spending time with my family and friends and writing! All those things currently bring me joy! And life's too short to not do something that brings you joy!
Precisely, Marlo. That's the question I'm currently posing. What about my current situation is costing me joy? After several years of very painful surgeries and PT, and two more of both to go coming up fast, and then constant very expensive repairs to the house which never ends, I'm having to look at whether or not where I am is where I can afford to remain. OMIGOD that's hard. I poured so much into that house. If I stay I may not be able to travel again. If my benefits get cut I'm dead in the water. After Medium went sideways in 2022, as it consistently does every few years hurting its top writers and just did again this month apparently, l lost a huge chunk of income that I counted on. I've only been able to regain a sixth of it and I just can't keep up with the bills. As with so many of us, I seriously doubt I can find a downsized place to live because millions of Americans are looking for precisely that at at time of skyrocketing prices and dropping incomes. I know what to, and it's a very painful choice, but not without lots and lots of benefits. More to follow. Adventure ahead!
Tough decisions ahead, good luck! I’m staying tuned for the adventure.