Coming up on 3 years sober after drinking for ~50 (!) years. It can be done and now I volunteer at a recovery center, sound what I can to help. Fucking insidious thing.
I really hope that a few sober-curious people read this and think. It’s unlikely that a full-blown alcoholic will give your article the time of day. Fine. But what about all the people that start with one glass of wine a night? They are on a slippery slope to a bottle or more a night. I’ve seen it so many times. 5 oz. used to be enough. Then they work their way up to a big glass. Before you know it, two glasses. And that’s after supper, no party involved.
What does it do? Besides the liver, the body has to burn the alcohol first, no choice. It’s a poison. So any other food gets stored as fat. Insulin levels spike. A recipe for inflammation.
Also, sleep cycles are totally turned on their head. Sure, they’re resting at night, but not well.
Do this for a few years or decades, and what do you know, dementia! Weird. Who could have seen that coming! I guess diseases like dementia “just happen,” right?
No. Things like drinking can do it. That’s a choice we make.
That, Tim, in a nutshell, is why I wrote the article. That's why the commenter's restack was unnecessary- there is no way anyone so fully in the grips of disease would even read my piece. You and I have both had eating disorders, and those have their own horrific side effects and long-term damage- any time we allow something to take us over, it is indeed a slippery slope. One is never enough. Thank you.
I’m standing right beside you on everything you write here! The things we humans do to ourselves, our relations, and our world is astounding. Like you say, the way we glorify certain addictions (sex, possessions, alcohol, et al) is simply and disgustingly gross. Capitalism at its finest. I worry about our kids who are taking in everything they see and hear from their adults.
A few years ago there was a sudden outburst of, “It’s gin o’clock” type messages based on the assumption that middle-class women (who can afford to do it without the more obvious social consequences) will inevitably turn to alcohol to deal with the stresses of child-rearing. I felt just the same about those messages. I’ve seem quite a few middle-class households where people were quietly putting away a bottle of wine a day, and there really is nothing funny about it.
So true Miranda. It’s like so many things, if there’s profit to be made from our collective misery, people will push crap on us: bad food, bad medicine, alcohol, tobacco, gambling and argue WELL IT’S A CHOICE. For some who deal with highly addictive personalities and I am one of them, that’s an insult. Some of us find a way out. Many don’t.
Could agree more 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I find those bags and all those ‘cute signs’ awful. A cousin of mine lost his life to alcohol last year and my husband’s uncle was an alcoholic and committed suicide last year too. Booze very much kills and it’s not a merry thing for our bodies. I was forced to give up drinking after getting very sick, which I’m now grateful for as it was so hard but knowing I’d die if I drank was a big motivation and it was hard! I started drinking at around 14 and into an Irish family where heavy drinking was normalised. Now I’m sober I feel like I’ve had a spotlight put on drinking culture and how f-ed up it is! Thank you for writing about this, I couldn’t agree more!
Thank you for this. I’m 25 years sober, and I’ve been lucky, so far, today, to have gotten sober on my first attempt. I haven’t had to struggle through constant cravings the way many do. I am still reminded, frequently, how insidious alcoholism is. Day to day life rolls on without thinking much about it. Being married to a man who doesn’t drink (not an alcoholic, he just doesn’t drink) helps just because it’s not part of our daily lives. For me, I have to be vigilant in the joyous times, the celebratory times. It’s the sneaky “I’d love a glass (ha!) of champagne to celebrate this,” or even an (again, ha!) ice cold beer while hanging with friends poolside on a hot summer day. Why is alcohol so ingrained in our culture? Why are we so quick to push alcohol on people, especially after a “no thank you.” I live very openly with the fact that I am an alcoholic. Everyone who knows me, knows that. That’s my choice, although I know that’s not for many, which is understandable. I started that way in the beginning because it left me less room to mess up if I knew there were knowing eyes on me. I don’t announce it to people I don’t know, but I’ve been known to say it to a stranger if they choose to push the drinking thing, after I’ve declined a drink at a social event. “Oh come on! Just one.” It shuts that stuff down pretty quickly when one pushes back with a smile and “No thanks. I’m an alcoholic.” It doesn’t bother me at all, and hopefully it gives them something to think about before trying to push alcohol on someone else. All this to say, thanks for this piece. Very well written, and left all the appropriate knots in my stomach.
Beautifully said. I used to get the insipid “you must be a recovering alki” when I said no to drinks from people who sought to shame me for saying no. Like your husband, I never drank. My deadly addiction was sugar, in any form, and as much of it as possible. I used to chew up and spit out fifteen dozen Krispy kreme donuts every single night. This may seem incomprehensible- it is to me now and they goddamned well owe me a STATUE at their headquarters- but this is my point: I cannot go places where sweets are prevalent. Christmas parties, weddings where the icing is three inches thick with roses. While I am pretty damned strong, I’m well aware that “just one bite” is a nosedive into extremes. Addictions are addictions. They cost us. I’ve not had sugar in my house for twelve years. Fruit, stevia, but no sugar and no pastries. Addictions are addictions. All of us have some kind of battle, Deb, and kudos to us for finding our way.
Geez. I’ve never had anyone say that alkie comment to me. JFC. People are bold. If anyone ever does say that to me, I’ll have an equally assholish response. Wow.
You’re right, addiction is addiction and it’s an insidious mfer. And yes, kudos to us!
I was reminded how booze-soaked our culture is when I went to buy a birthday card for my sister. Pretty much all the funny cards for women, sisters & friends were about drinking. My sister doesn't drink at all, so I couldn't find a humorous card that suited her.
Cheering this entire piece! I am also the product of a family riddled by alcoholism. With the exception of two, every single male in my family developed alcoholism. I'm 4.5 years sober, which means I quit well into my fifties. It's been an absolute revelation. I LOVE sober living, and it really shows you the dysfunction of alcohol in our society. I deeply believe there will come a time that we look back at the abuse of alcohol and the disaster that follow it on so many levels and think, "those poor deluded people."
Like you, I do not drink alcohol at all. I’m glad that you wrote about drinking now. I used to drink but quit cold after realizing that drinking was harming me both physically and emotionally. I vowed to stop after these realizations somehow made it out of my buried reality or should I say drowned reality instead of buried. Anyway, your opinions helped me to understand why I am pondering drinking again. Thanks so much for your very needed words.
Just finished. Sent to our son. 41. Recovering . Alcohol. . Sober 14 years. Stopped smoking. Attends AA. Doesn’t miss drinking or smoking. My family. A field of addictions. Yes. It’s always a choice. I choose to have one or two drinks at night. Habit? Addict? My choice. I will take your words into serious consideration.
Jennifer, thank god for your son. Kudos. So rough. As for you? The ONLY thing that troubles me here is the effect that the alcohol has on the body- that is where the damage is done; the addiction is on top of that. Every human body is a unique universe. The article points out that we rarely know what's happening to our liver until it's too late. That worries me a great deal about all of us.
Julia I am 73. My recent physical. Fit as fiddle. I was a smoker. Stopped when I was 47. I have 5 sisters. From ages 84 to 70. All of us still alive and kicking. Some have abused their bodies with pain killers (I took one after surgery and vomited.) I've many stories of family and friends. Addictions. Suicides. Expensive rehabs. The works. was raised in a very wealthy community where doctors easily dispensed anything one asked for. I have stories in my files. Not yet ready for prime time. Bottom line. If someone wants to get sober. They do.
For years I used to teach SMART goals without realizing one essential problem: the S has several components. Two of them are Sincere, I REALLY want to stop (whatever), and I’m SERIOUS about it. Took me forty years to get from Sincere to Serious with my addiction, which wasn’t alcohol, but actually more insidious and really damaging. I get how hard this is. Want isn’t enough. God, I wanted for forty years. I really understand this. Thanks.
if you don't mind my asking, what are SMART goals? did you enjoy it? hope I am not budding in. Im just fascinated with your journey as I admire the article so much, cheers.
Damn 2 large glasses of wine = a binge for women hit home - I don’t anyone (present company included) would think that little constitutes too much- thanks for calling this out
I started out with an eating disorder. I mostly licked it. Then I realised I began drinking, luckily not till my mid 20s. Socially of course. After all I was the teen who was "Say no to drugs" Yes that kind of geek. My best friends were not into the partying scene, and lucky for me as I had no clue about the dangers of substance misuse, not a clue!, even at the time. Anyway fast forward several years. Realised that when I was exposed to a deeply malignant narcissist who seemed to enjoy targeting me for brutal interpersonal destruction (in fact since I was quite young, another story, I wanted a way to calm the CPTSD this type of exposure's effects' had upon my psyche and also my body for years. (Cue here to suggest for further study: to read B. Van Der Kolks "Body Keeps the Score" for more detail on that) A little like the way a war veteran returns and is so shaken up by the experiences, and so then s/he develops a process addiction oftentimes to calm his or her "nerves".
Anyway once I got further clarity on all this, I was able to make a connection and the moment I went "no contact" my urges and methods to relieve severe panic attacks changed, for the better. If you have a MN in your life, please do not take it out on yourself, reduce or eliminate the true toxicity in your life first, followed by the toxins from mind altering substances. Therefore, I do concur; give yourself the gift of health and a new start by all the beautifully written admonitions in this substack article. Brilliant read and it was written with heart and soul, not hard to pick up on that. Great timing too! Good reminder for the remainder of the holiday season. Thanks for this beautifully written piece. It is a treasure.
I just realized I didn't respond to t his, Kait. I didn't mean to let it languish. This is an important statement. I have the book, in a big pile of books to read, and it will get read....Thanks so very kindly for your words. Depending on your personal family history, Kait you might find the work of Rebecca Mandeville valuable. She's got a stack on here and I find her writing extremely valuable. Good for your journey. Good for us.
An excellent post for the holidays and, really, any time. I do not drink, so I know my breast cancer was not started by alcohol. What gets to me is how many times is alcohol touted, when there are known carcinogens?
Like you, alcoholism is in my family. It is insidious and horrific. And the abuse that comes with it is awful too.
Coming up on 3 years sober after drinking for ~50 (!) years. It can be done and now I volunteer at a recovery center, sound what I can to help. Fucking insidious thing.
Thanks Dave. It is indeed insidious. I'm so glad I never start but I rue the day I ate my first hot Krispy Kreme donut....
Bravo. You and our son.
sound = doing
I really hope that a few sober-curious people read this and think. It’s unlikely that a full-blown alcoholic will give your article the time of day. Fine. But what about all the people that start with one glass of wine a night? They are on a slippery slope to a bottle or more a night. I’ve seen it so many times. 5 oz. used to be enough. Then they work their way up to a big glass. Before you know it, two glasses. And that’s after supper, no party involved.
What does it do? Besides the liver, the body has to burn the alcohol first, no choice. It’s a poison. So any other food gets stored as fat. Insulin levels spike. A recipe for inflammation.
Also, sleep cycles are totally turned on their head. Sure, they’re resting at night, but not well.
Do this for a few years or decades, and what do you know, dementia! Weird. Who could have seen that coming! I guess diseases like dementia “just happen,” right?
No. Things like drinking can do it. That’s a choice we make.
That, Tim, in a nutshell, is why I wrote the article. That's why the commenter's restack was unnecessary- there is no way anyone so fully in the grips of disease would even read my piece. You and I have both had eating disorders, and those have their own horrific side effects and long-term damage- any time we allow something to take us over, it is indeed a slippery slope. One is never enough. Thank you.
I’m standing right beside you on everything you write here! The things we humans do to ourselves, our relations, and our world is astounding. Like you say, the way we glorify certain addictions (sex, possessions, alcohol, et al) is simply and disgustingly gross. Capitalism at its finest. I worry about our kids who are taking in everything they see and hear from their adults.
Thank you Kert.
A few years ago there was a sudden outburst of, “It’s gin o’clock” type messages based on the assumption that middle-class women (who can afford to do it without the more obvious social consequences) will inevitably turn to alcohol to deal with the stresses of child-rearing. I felt just the same about those messages. I’ve seem quite a few middle-class households where people were quietly putting away a bottle of wine a day, and there really is nothing funny about it.
So true Miranda. It’s like so many things, if there’s profit to be made from our collective misery, people will push crap on us: bad food, bad medicine, alcohol, tobacco, gambling and argue WELL IT’S A CHOICE. For some who deal with highly addictive personalities and I am one of them, that’s an insult. Some of us find a way out. Many don’t.
Anyone else noticed how alcohol is introduced within about 10 minutes of most movies? Is it me or is tobacco promotion increasing also?
My guess, yes. I've noticed smoking making a comeback in movies as well.
Could agree more 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I find those bags and all those ‘cute signs’ awful. A cousin of mine lost his life to alcohol last year and my husband’s uncle was an alcoholic and committed suicide last year too. Booze very much kills and it’s not a merry thing for our bodies. I was forced to give up drinking after getting very sick, which I’m now grateful for as it was so hard but knowing I’d die if I drank was a big motivation and it was hard! I started drinking at around 14 and into an Irish family where heavy drinking was normalised. Now I’m sober I feel like I’ve had a spotlight put on drinking culture and how f-ed up it is! Thank you for writing about this, I couldn’t agree more!
Thanks Sheila. So many of us don’t see how such things are normalized early on and we just slip into oblivion.
Thank you for this. I’m 25 years sober, and I’ve been lucky, so far, today, to have gotten sober on my first attempt. I haven’t had to struggle through constant cravings the way many do. I am still reminded, frequently, how insidious alcoholism is. Day to day life rolls on without thinking much about it. Being married to a man who doesn’t drink (not an alcoholic, he just doesn’t drink) helps just because it’s not part of our daily lives. For me, I have to be vigilant in the joyous times, the celebratory times. It’s the sneaky “I’d love a glass (ha!) of champagne to celebrate this,” or even an (again, ha!) ice cold beer while hanging with friends poolside on a hot summer day. Why is alcohol so ingrained in our culture? Why are we so quick to push alcohol on people, especially after a “no thank you.” I live very openly with the fact that I am an alcoholic. Everyone who knows me, knows that. That’s my choice, although I know that’s not for many, which is understandable. I started that way in the beginning because it left me less room to mess up if I knew there were knowing eyes on me. I don’t announce it to people I don’t know, but I’ve been known to say it to a stranger if they choose to push the drinking thing, after I’ve declined a drink at a social event. “Oh come on! Just one.” It shuts that stuff down pretty quickly when one pushes back with a smile and “No thanks. I’m an alcoholic.” It doesn’t bother me at all, and hopefully it gives them something to think about before trying to push alcohol on someone else. All this to say, thanks for this piece. Very well written, and left all the appropriate knots in my stomach.
Beautifully said. I used to get the insipid “you must be a recovering alki” when I said no to drinks from people who sought to shame me for saying no. Like your husband, I never drank. My deadly addiction was sugar, in any form, and as much of it as possible. I used to chew up and spit out fifteen dozen Krispy kreme donuts every single night. This may seem incomprehensible- it is to me now and they goddamned well owe me a STATUE at their headquarters- but this is my point: I cannot go places where sweets are prevalent. Christmas parties, weddings where the icing is three inches thick with roses. While I am pretty damned strong, I’m well aware that “just one bite” is a nosedive into extremes. Addictions are addictions. They cost us. I’ve not had sugar in my house for twelve years. Fruit, stevia, but no sugar and no pastries. Addictions are addictions. All of us have some kind of battle, Deb, and kudos to us for finding our way.
Geez. I’ve never had anyone say that alkie comment to me. JFC. People are bold. If anyone ever does say that to me, I’ll have an equally assholish response. Wow.
You’re right, addiction is addiction and it’s an insidious mfer. And yes, kudos to us!
I was reminded how booze-soaked our culture is when I went to buy a birthday card for my sister. Pretty much all the funny cards for women, sisters & friends were about drinking. My sister doesn't drink at all, so I couldn't find a humorous card that suited her.
So very true. That hit home for my family as well.
Cheering this entire piece! I am also the product of a family riddled by alcoholism. With the exception of two, every single male in my family developed alcoholism. I'm 4.5 years sober, which means I quit well into my fifties. It's been an absolute revelation. I LOVE sober living, and it really shows you the dysfunction of alcohol in our society. I deeply believe there will come a time that we look back at the abuse of alcohol and the disaster that follow it on so many levels and think, "those poor deluded people."
Thanks Barbara. It's a rough go, and anyone who has ever battled an addiction can understand.
Like you, I do not drink alcohol at all. I’m glad that you wrote about drinking now. I used to drink but quit cold after realizing that drinking was harming me both physically and emotionally. I vowed to stop after these realizations somehow made it out of my buried reality or should I say drowned reality instead of buried. Anyway, your opinions helped me to understand why I am pondering drinking again. Thanks so much for your very needed words.
You are so welcome. YOU are the reason I wrote the article.
Just finished. Sent to our son. 41. Recovering . Alcohol. . Sober 14 years. Stopped smoking. Attends AA. Doesn’t miss drinking or smoking. My family. A field of addictions. Yes. It’s always a choice. I choose to have one or two drinks at night. Habit? Addict? My choice. I will take your words into serious consideration.
Jennifer, thank god for your son. Kudos. So rough. As for you? The ONLY thing that troubles me here is the effect that the alcohol has on the body- that is where the damage is done; the addiction is on top of that. Every human body is a unique universe. The article points out that we rarely know what's happening to our liver until it's too late. That worries me a great deal about all of us.
Julia I am 73. My recent physical. Fit as fiddle. I was a smoker. Stopped when I was 47. I have 5 sisters. From ages 84 to 70. All of us still alive and kicking. Some have abused their bodies with pain killers (I took one after surgery and vomited.) I've many stories of family and friends. Addictions. Suicides. Expensive rehabs. The works. was raised in a very wealthy community where doctors easily dispensed anything one asked for. I have stories in my files. Not yet ready for prime time. Bottom line. If someone wants to get sober. They do.
For years I used to teach SMART goals without realizing one essential problem: the S has several components. Two of them are Sincere, I REALLY want to stop (whatever), and I’m SERIOUS about it. Took me forty years to get from Sincere to Serious with my addiction, which wasn’t alcohol, but actually more insidious and really damaging. I get how hard this is. Want isn’t enough. God, I wanted for forty years. I really understand this. Thanks.
if you don't mind my asking, what are SMART goals? did you enjoy it? hope I am not budding in. Im just fascinated with your journey as I admire the article so much, cheers.
Damn 2 large glasses of wine = a binge for women hit home - I don’t anyone (present company included) would think that little constitutes too much- thanks for calling this out
It's rough realizing that what most of us consider quite normal is nearly lethal, Maureen.
I started out with an eating disorder. I mostly licked it. Then I realised I began drinking, luckily not till my mid 20s. Socially of course. After all I was the teen who was "Say no to drugs" Yes that kind of geek. My best friends were not into the partying scene, and lucky for me as I had no clue about the dangers of substance misuse, not a clue!, even at the time. Anyway fast forward several years. Realised that when I was exposed to a deeply malignant narcissist who seemed to enjoy targeting me for brutal interpersonal destruction (in fact since I was quite young, another story, I wanted a way to calm the CPTSD this type of exposure's effects' had upon my psyche and also my body for years. (Cue here to suggest for further study: to read B. Van Der Kolks "Body Keeps the Score" for more detail on that) A little like the way a war veteran returns and is so shaken up by the experiences, and so then s/he develops a process addiction oftentimes to calm his or her "nerves".
Anyway once I got further clarity on all this, I was able to make a connection and the moment I went "no contact" my urges and methods to relieve severe panic attacks changed, for the better. If you have a MN in your life, please do not take it out on yourself, reduce or eliminate the true toxicity in your life first, followed by the toxins from mind altering substances. Therefore, I do concur; give yourself the gift of health and a new start by all the beautifully written admonitions in this substack article. Brilliant read and it was written with heart and soul, not hard to pick up on that. Great timing too! Good reminder for the remainder of the holiday season. Thanks for this beautifully written piece. It is a treasure.
I just realized I didn't respond to t his, Kait. I didn't mean to let it languish. This is an important statement. I have the book, in a big pile of books to read, and it will get read....Thanks so very kindly for your words. Depending on your personal family history, Kait you might find the work of Rebecca Mandeville valuable. She's got a stack on here and I find her writing extremely valuable. Good for your journey. Good for us.
Hi Julia,
An excellent post for the holidays and, really, any time. I do not drink, so I know my breast cancer was not started by alcohol. What gets to me is how many times is alcohol touted, when there are known carcinogens?
Like you, alcoholism is in my family. It is insidious and horrific. And the abuse that comes with it is awful too.
Thanks Beth. It can be a tough go for anyone, no matter the addiction.
Great article Julia. Perfect timing 🩵
Great article. I suspect that booze has been flying off the shelves because of that orange baboon.
Too true. But devolving is no way to fight back. That's self-immolation. I understand, but....
Totally agree! I don’t but I know friends who have not been able to cope I guess any other way.