19 Comments

Additionally, I get to choose how I’m going to go through something … even the really hard things. And sometimes, it’s a moment by moment decision. Nevertheless, I choose life.

Expand full comment

This is THE lesson, isn't it? Moment to moment, we choose. That's a superpower.

Expand full comment

You gave some excellent advice - which is a superpower of older people. My mother was a model. Her life was ruined by others when she was young & beautiful, and by herself when she was older and mourned her lost beauty. Consequently I have never aspired to be admired. But I did find it hard that I was no longer noticed, until I realised there is a freedom in being able to move along the sides of the crowd. I also love the liberty to do and say what I want. Though I have to say, we don't all have that freedom, I have the immense privilege of not being trapped in old age poverty.

Expand full comment

So much wisdom in this comment, Kate. My mother was also a beauty and her anger at having lost it, although she wasn't a model, was part of what marked her as she so deeply resented her aging process. I want to acknowledge the double-meaning of your last line about being "trapped in old age poverty," which I may steal and give you credit for, because poverty has many layers and meanings. We are poor indeed as we age if we are trapped not only in financial dire straits, but worse, utterly imprisoned by our desire to be what we will never be again: young. What minor beauty I may have rocked as a young woman got me assaulted and raped repeatedly in the military- so for those who hunger after beauty, that, too, has a terrible cost in our predatory world. We pay for everything we have, and we often don't understand the cost of what we hunger for in others. Well said, and thanks.

Expand full comment

Thank you for taking time to write such a thoughtful reply. I am very sad that you had such a terrible time in the military. I am so glad these issues are being discussed, which will hopefully lead to changes in attitudes, and acknowledgement of the rarely talked about issues of old age.

Expand full comment

This is lovely & beautiful and so very encouraging. As someone who doesn’t see the point in Botox or fillers I often feel like a foreigner along my peers. Aging is coming for us all. Life is made up of seasons & thank God they aren’t all the same. YOU are the woman I want to become. Thank you :)

Expand full comment

You made me blush. Very warm thanks, Kathi.

Expand full comment

Wow. I read this after an article on the dangers of sugar. I'm stopping it - AGAIN - not so much for the weight loss but the negative impact on my moods. The article quoted Brene Brown - “We can choose courage, or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” Seems to be a theme today. I like it!

Expand full comment

This might be of interest to you:

https://quitsugarsummit.com/jan-2024-quit-sugar_summit_registration?a_aid=651d65efa2018

Also look up Gary Taubes' work on sugar. I haven't had the substance in my house for years. I use Stevia, and no ultraprocessed foods AT ALL but for the occasional salad dressing.

Expand full comment

That has been the one great thing about retirement - I have time to cook all of our food. Lots of meat, vegetables, fruit, soups and stews. I even make chicken bone broth from the carcasses. Good gosh, how did our dietary people get away with allowing all of this crap into our stores? EU won't let in poptarts, Ritz crackers and other American food - too dangerous. Thank you for the link!

Expand full comment

Any time!

Expand full comment

Keep our food out! It's awful-- the Ritz crackers and Oreos are about the worst things you can put in your body.

Expand full comment

I'm pretty sure I know who D is and I, too, wish she would let go and live a little without all her hangups about aging and looking good. If it's the same D, she has teenage kids and I don't think her type of superficiality bodes well for their self esteem.

You've written this so well.

Expand full comment

Yeah, I agree. Her attitude saddens me very much.

Expand full comment

Forgot to say thank you for the compliment.....thank you!

Expand full comment

How lucky D was to have you there to pull her back off the ledge. I hope she took your (metaphorical) hand.

Expand full comment

That's very kind of you, Jan. I have no idea. I've spent no time on that platform but to check for comments and all I can do is hope.

Expand full comment

Julia, I love everything about this article and about your response to D. The one thing that can never be taken from us, ever, is CHOICE. We get to choose how we do anything in our lives, how we “be” in our lives and what we have in our lives. It’s our choice. There’s a verse in the Torah that says: “Choose ye this day ….” So, I choose. I choose, how I live each day, how I do what I do, how I go through this life and yes, how I age. It’s all up to me. I get to choose. Thanks for a great article.

Expand full comment

I've been thinking about you a lot this week. About to head out to meet a brand new friend who has horses nearby. In the rain! So much love your way, Nurit.

Expand full comment