When I think about age I just look toward my family to know that it truly is just a number. My Nana lived til 94, by herself in her own apartment. My mom just turned 76 and we still go hiking together all the time. I don't look outward when considering age, I look toward my inner circle and give thanks for good genes.
Several pieces to this, Kristi. Much of aging research points to how if we want to live long, first pick long-lived parents. That said, that still only goes so far. My dad had long-lived relatives but he smoked filterless Marlboros and drank heavily his whole life dying of cancer at 84. Still a long life but, well. Our joy in life, our sense of humor, our ability to forgive ourselves for not being perfect all go towards a long, long, HAPPY life. I love that you hike with your mother. I'd have loved that...
My dad died at 60, having abused alcohol and drugs his whole adult life. And his parents died in their 80s. I can only hope that I have all mom genes lol.
I need to start going easier on myself emotionally or I'll be dead by next year 😂
The youth-obssessed American culture really puts people "over a certain age" at a disadvantage, and yes, if we internalize the message, it can be toxic and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately this culture is spread to other parts of the world through the marketing of consumer products especially cosmetics such as anti-wrinkle creams, etc. Adding another layer of that "assault" is the strive of Asians to have fair skin by way of whitening lotion. So not only were we Asian women subject to the yardstick of youthfulness but also that of the beauty standard of white women. (Men seem to be free from this kind of judgment, at least to a larger degree.) I lament the loss of respect for elders here in the West. I see it as a byproduct of a capitalist society where human beings are looked upon as tools of productivity. As soon as we are no longer of "use" in the industrial machine, we turn into "junk" (borrowing the word you used in the article). We must reject and resist this kind of debasing concept.
Well, for over a dozen years I was actively practicing ballet as a "mature adult" and in the adult ballet world, I've seen lots of people in their 40s, 50, all the way to the 80s who have taken up this hobby and it has improved their health and well-being. Professional dancers also set great examples of staying active and some even dance into their 90s.
Now, I'm curious what you have to say about ageism in the American workplace. It's a serious issue. Many people who got laid off during the pandemic and were in their 50s and 60s found it close to impossible to find another job.
That's a huge issue, and one that would take a series of articles to address. Since I've spent a good bit of time in SE Asia from Myanmar to Vietnam to Cambodia, Laos and also through Indonesia, I see precisely the same things. I've written about it for years; the same people who make suntan cream also make whitening cream. The same doctors who create the crease in Asian eyelids are quite happy to put butt implants into those who want that big curve. I could go on forever. After a while, Louisa, you realize the cost, and if we're wise, we just walk away.
I appreciate your observations from SE Asia. I didnt know about the butt graft on eyelids. Yikes! My experience has been in Hong Kong and the broader Chinese diaspora community. The pressure to look a certain way, to be fair-skinned and to have your age appear "frozen" is ubiquitous. My own mom, turning 80 in a month, has spent thousands on laser surgeries to remove her age spots. Now her face looks like a baby face, and she often gets compliments for her youthful look. She then insists that I put on whitening lotion and stop gardening to avoid the sun. She would launch an attack on my appearance if she sees my age spots darken. It's infuriating. Ever since I was a girl she would suggest me to do the eyelid surgery, get braces, comment on my weight and my poor sense of fashion, etc. Well, guess what? I haven't given most of her suggestions a dam* (my autocorrect doesn't allow me to type this word in full). She has internalized the beauty industry's message and the male gaze, and wanted to force it on me. I see it all over the place in my community. It's so toxic to the children's self esteem. The antidote is self acceptance. I remember when I lived in Hong Kong in my 20s, a sales lady approached me in a drug store pointing at my acne and oily face and told me I needed the cream she was selling. My reply, "I can accept that." She was speechless and left me alone.
Sorry! Clarification: the butt grafts are completely separate from eyelid surgery to make someone look more Western. They are two completely separate procedures.
Thanks for this link. I think this is the modern version of what was popular in my youth, a surgical technique that started in the 60s in Japan. Some of my classmates had it done and the result was rather unnatural. It disgusted me so much that I refused to let my mom talk me into it. I noticed the advertising copy: "It can boost one’s confidence and self-esteem." What a load of horse***t, as if our confidence and self-esteem will come from that particular eye shape.
Yes, that tracks with what I saw. I find it idiotic that we honestly believe that making some kind of change will transform us. While in some cases that might be true (like a surgery which allows us to walk again, or the like), the promises that are made are ridiculous.
You make great points about how we talk about others. It’s totally ridiculous and it’s baked into a modern western culture that doesn’t value elders. Just guessing but your guides probably would not have described you as some old lady.
I’m 52 and I just started college. Making friends and study partners is an interesting trip. Some kids don’t even seem to notice the gap. Some can barely talk to me. If I tell them I’m a musician, that often breaks the ice, especially in a group.
I have no doubt that your writing, your mom and your dog all provide critically important ways to both express yourself honestly but also to claw back the relative sanity that we all need to move forward. You just inspired an article.
which? The butt lift or the eye crease surgery? You can likely Google both of them and see the before and after results. Surgeons will put their results up to get more customers.
When I think about age I just look toward my family to know that it truly is just a number. My Nana lived til 94, by herself in her own apartment. My mom just turned 76 and we still go hiking together all the time. I don't look outward when considering age, I look toward my inner circle and give thanks for good genes.
Several pieces to this, Kristi. Much of aging research points to how if we want to live long, first pick long-lived parents. That said, that still only goes so far. My dad had long-lived relatives but he smoked filterless Marlboros and drank heavily his whole life dying of cancer at 84. Still a long life but, well. Our joy in life, our sense of humor, our ability to forgive ourselves for not being perfect all go towards a long, long, HAPPY life. I love that you hike with your mother. I'd have loved that...
My dad died at 60, having abused alcohol and drugs his whole adult life. And his parents died in their 80s. I can only hope that I have all mom genes lol.
I need to start going easier on myself emotionally or I'll be dead by next year 😂
The youth-obssessed American culture really puts people "over a certain age" at a disadvantage, and yes, if we internalize the message, it can be toxic and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately this culture is spread to other parts of the world through the marketing of consumer products especially cosmetics such as anti-wrinkle creams, etc. Adding another layer of that "assault" is the strive of Asians to have fair skin by way of whitening lotion. So not only were we Asian women subject to the yardstick of youthfulness but also that of the beauty standard of white women. (Men seem to be free from this kind of judgment, at least to a larger degree.) I lament the loss of respect for elders here in the West. I see it as a byproduct of a capitalist society where human beings are looked upon as tools of productivity. As soon as we are no longer of "use" in the industrial machine, we turn into "junk" (borrowing the word you used in the article). We must reject and resist this kind of debasing concept.
Well, for over a dozen years I was actively practicing ballet as a "mature adult" and in the adult ballet world, I've seen lots of people in their 40s, 50, all the way to the 80s who have taken up this hobby and it has improved their health and well-being. Professional dancers also set great examples of staying active and some even dance into their 90s.
Now, I'm curious what you have to say about ageism in the American workplace. It's a serious issue. Many people who got laid off during the pandemic and were in their 50s and 60s found it close to impossible to find another job.
That's a huge issue, and one that would take a series of articles to address. Since I've spent a good bit of time in SE Asia from Myanmar to Vietnam to Cambodia, Laos and also through Indonesia, I see precisely the same things. I've written about it for years; the same people who make suntan cream also make whitening cream. The same doctors who create the crease in Asian eyelids are quite happy to put butt implants into those who want that big curve. I could go on forever. After a while, Louisa, you realize the cost, and if we're wise, we just walk away.
I appreciate your observations from SE Asia. I didnt know about the butt graft on eyelids. Yikes! My experience has been in Hong Kong and the broader Chinese diaspora community. The pressure to look a certain way, to be fair-skinned and to have your age appear "frozen" is ubiquitous. My own mom, turning 80 in a month, has spent thousands on laser surgeries to remove her age spots. Now her face looks like a baby face, and she often gets compliments for her youthful look. She then insists that I put on whitening lotion and stop gardening to avoid the sun. She would launch an attack on my appearance if she sees my age spots darken. It's infuriating. Ever since I was a girl she would suggest me to do the eyelid surgery, get braces, comment on my weight and my poor sense of fashion, etc. Well, guess what? I haven't given most of her suggestions a dam* (my autocorrect doesn't allow me to type this word in full). She has internalized the beauty industry's message and the male gaze, and wanted to force it on me. I see it all over the place in my community. It's so toxic to the children's self esteem. The antidote is self acceptance. I remember when I lived in Hong Kong in my 20s, a sales lady approached me in a drug store pointing at my acne and oily face and told me I needed the cream she was selling. My reply, "I can accept that." She was speechless and left me alone.
Sorry! Clarification: the butt grafts are completely separate from eyelid surgery to make someone look more Western. They are two completely separate procedures.
Oh I see. Out of curiosity, I would like to see an example of that.
https://www.aesthetichouston.com/face/blepharoplasty/asian-eye-surgery/
Thanks for this link. I think this is the modern version of what was popular in my youth, a surgical technique that started in the 60s in Japan. Some of my classmates had it done and the result was rather unnatural. It disgusted me so much that I refused to let my mom talk me into it. I noticed the advertising copy: "It can boost one’s confidence and self-esteem." What a load of horse***t, as if our confidence and self-esteem will come from that particular eye shape.
Yes, that tracks with what I saw. I find it idiotic that we honestly believe that making some kind of change will transform us. While in some cases that might be true (like a surgery which allows us to walk again, or the like), the promises that are made are ridiculous.
Agreed!
You make great points about how we talk about others. It’s totally ridiculous and it’s baked into a modern western culture that doesn’t value elders. Just guessing but your guides probably would not have described you as some old lady.
I’m 52 and I just started college. Making friends and study partners is an interesting trip. Some kids don’t even seem to notice the gap. Some can barely talk to me. If I tell them I’m a musician, that often breaks the ice, especially in a group.
Oh, lots of stories. They did see me as an old lady until we got going. That's a whole lot of funny stories. The musician thing will do it, my guess!
I have no doubt that your writing, your mom and your dog all provide critically important ways to both express yourself honestly but also to claw back the relative sanity that we all need to move forward. You just inspired an article.
which? The butt lift or the eye crease surgery? You can likely Google both of them and see the before and after results. Surgeons will put their results up to get more customers.