It’s nice that through this you’re challenging people…I think it’s not that much about rewriting your life, it’s about writing the next chapter…and it’s not that much about starting over, it’s more about continuing on a different path…life goes on and forward like you said…always forward means you advance you’re not going back in time to start again, you just decide to live a different life…and the act of deciding is the key and the hardest part, then the question is how badly do you want it?
I'm so honored to be the jumping off point for this very inspiring essay. There are so many great passages--like this one: "After forty years of eating disorders, I chose life. After fifteen years with a destructive relationship, I chose life." Choosing to live, over and over again, to grow and change and reach for what makes us feel alive--that is what makes a life worth living!
Warm thanks Anne. As Too Old is my newsletter name, your piece fit right in- I love elevating voices which bring other perspectives to how to age well and how to deal with the inevitable shifts of identity and opportunity which occur as we age. If we're wise, we start this in our forties, fifties- because emotional preparation for our changing roles is critical. When we waste precious time and energy worrying about staying young as opposed looking to keep our thinking youthful, we end up poor as we enter our Goddess years. So many bits of wisdom in your piece, Anne.
I have also read that post from Anne and although I agree with the premise that you are never too old to reinvent yourself or make changes, the reality is that it is not always that simple.
Yes, if you are single, or widowed, perhaps, but if you are in a relationship, deciding to reinvent yourself can be problematic.
I would love to be the other person I know is inside. That person embraces life through travel and goes beyond the comfort zone, explores more, walks more, perhaps eats better. But I can't. At least not full-time.
I have a partner who does not share the adventure.
Some would say, to hell with him. Yes, there are days, but the bottom line is, I have no valid reason to leave. Because I want to explore?
So for me, the solution is travel more and when I am away, I can become the me I cannot be at home.
Luckily, my partner is on board with that so the compromise works. For others, it may not.
This is an important point- not all partners support us, and if we want to stay partnered there are always tradeoffs. I'm not, as many of us silver sisters are single, but you make a very valid point. "To hell with him" sounds pretty selfish to me in this regard: we chose that partner, they chose us and with such partnering come tradeoffs. You make this point beautifully and thank you. This is why my friend JC says that we always come from our privilege, in other words our POV, which is the only one we have. I think as a single person and therefore. I love comments...they always add such value!
“Would more couples still be together”? Probably. My spouse is not a risk-taker and spent every last drop of his lifetime risking stores making the moves so we could be together. I’m not doing as much as I’d like to be doing, but I like my life. He has an autoimmune disease that makes him very fatigued. I’ve promised him I will be with him until the end to care for him. I have my small adventures where I can. I’m getting my kayak out, which I haven’t been out in for at least four years and I miss it tremendously. It truly fills my soul up to be out on the water.
There's that. The emphasis on BE YOURSELF also tends to carry the undercurrent (at the expense of everyone else). The individualist society does damage to more than community. It can also damage families and couples.
Thanks for your post on Notes. I wasn't aware how much political palaver has wormed its way onto that section. It may be one of the inevitable growth pains we've seen on other, older social media platforms, some of which have disintegrated badly.
"Yes, I deserve this." Still feels like a revolution when I tell myself that. Cheers, Julia -- and THAT PIC of your riding that gorgeous Arabian . . . wow.
Someday I'll put up the video of the first time I saw him, ears laid back, kicking in the air, nostrils flared. Scared the crap out of and then I rode him. Unbelievable.
As a rider, this: when I settled my weight on his back, he screamed a challenge. We spent fifteen minutes just walking around. He found out quickly that I love a feather touch and a light rein. He wasn’t used to it; the men who rode him were rough on his mouth. By the time we left the stable he was quite happy bc he knew I wasn’t going to abuse him. He gave me the ride of my life: two minutes at a dead run; my guide couldn’t keep up. I was holding on for dear life, one hand wrapped in his mane and the other on the pommel, his mane cutting my cheeks. We ran towards the mountains and home. Never never never never in my life has anything felt like that. I was Alex in Black Stallion. I did it. A dream realized at 63. That’s an article.
Julia, again I am so inspired and see myself in your writing. I am coming out of the ashes of years of unworthiness and victimhood owning my part in it all and it is tremendous. I am liberated from it most days as I step into the pure creative being I am now owning the power of my true essence. I will be writing about this on my own Spicy Soul Mama. It’s an important exploration. “The end of chaos is an opportunity.” Sometimes we hang onto the chaos because we don’t know who we are without it. I’d love to get coffee sometime. 💗✨✨💗
I love the Spicy Soul Mama! So many of us thrive in chaos, but that's different from thriving ON chaos, which I think is detrimental. That's question I get to sit with as I think it's an important one. Thank you, as always.
Your writing absolutely hit me right where I needed this morning. Thank you so much for the inspiration and links to other fantastic writing. Very much appreciated. 💕🙏
Amy you are so very welcome. On days when my back hurts and other parts hurt so much that I can hardly breathe, and they do at times, I have to remember this: this too will pass, and I wake up to another magnificent day. We all do.
Yes Julia, starting over, whether it be physical change and or emotional / psychological change often requires challenging one’s own paradigms … a change of perception, the courage for that opens doors for opportunities and developing more self respect. Thank you 🙏
Starting over at any age works when one can visualize a goal and doesn’t overthink the process. Simply start moving and adjust course as the journey unfolds. No journey follows a straight line and every journey has bumps and surprises that require moving forward until one gets to the goal.
Precisely. Just start moving and you’ll figure things out as you move along. But, no headphones or other electronic distractions are allowed. Imagination and awareness require undistracted freedom to enjoy the journey and explore possibilities simultaneously.
It’s nice that through this you’re challenging people…I think it’s not that much about rewriting your life, it’s about writing the next chapter…and it’s not that much about starting over, it’s more about continuing on a different path…life goes on and forward like you said…always forward means you advance you’re not going back in time to start again, you just decide to live a different life…and the act of deciding is the key and the hardest part, then the question is how badly do you want it?
I like that version! Thanks for your perspective.
I'm so honored to be the jumping off point for this very inspiring essay. There are so many great passages--like this one: "After forty years of eating disorders, I chose life. After fifteen years with a destructive relationship, I chose life." Choosing to live, over and over again, to grow and change and reach for what makes us feel alive--that is what makes a life worth living!
Warm thanks Anne. As Too Old is my newsletter name, your piece fit right in- I love elevating voices which bring other perspectives to how to age well and how to deal with the inevitable shifts of identity and opportunity which occur as we age. If we're wise, we start this in our forties, fifties- because emotional preparation for our changing roles is critical. When we waste precious time and energy worrying about staying young as opposed looking to keep our thinking youthful, we end up poor as we enter our Goddess years. So many bits of wisdom in your piece, Anne.
So well put, Julia!!
Thanks for this.
I have also read that post from Anne and although I agree with the premise that you are never too old to reinvent yourself or make changes, the reality is that it is not always that simple.
Yes, if you are single, or widowed, perhaps, but if you are in a relationship, deciding to reinvent yourself can be problematic.
I would love to be the other person I know is inside. That person embraces life through travel and goes beyond the comfort zone, explores more, walks more, perhaps eats better. But I can't. At least not full-time.
I have a partner who does not share the adventure.
Some would say, to hell with him. Yes, there are days, but the bottom line is, I have no valid reason to leave. Because I want to explore?
So for me, the solution is travel more and when I am away, I can become the me I cannot be at home.
Luckily, my partner is on board with that so the compromise works. For others, it may not.
This is an important point- not all partners support us, and if we want to stay partnered there are always tradeoffs. I'm not, as many of us silver sisters are single, but you make a very valid point. "To hell with him" sounds pretty selfish to me in this regard: we chose that partner, they chose us and with such partnering come tradeoffs. You make this point beautifully and thank you. This is why my friend JC says that we always come from our privilege, in other words our POV, which is the only one we have. I think as a single person and therefore. I love comments...they always add such value!
Thank you.
I have often wondered, if we took more time seeking workable compromises, would more couples still be together?
“Would more couples still be together”? Probably. My spouse is not a risk-taker and spent every last drop of his lifetime risking stores making the moves so we could be together. I’m not doing as much as I’d like to be doing, but I like my life. He has an autoimmune disease that makes him very fatigued. I’ve promised him I will be with him until the end to care for him. I have my small adventures where I can. I’m getting my kayak out, which I haven’t been out in for at least four years and I miss it tremendously. It truly fills my soul up to be out on the water.
I love this, Paula, as long as we have some way to speak to the soul, so much can be managed.
There's that. The emphasis on BE YOURSELF also tends to carry the undercurrent (at the expense of everyone else). The individualist society does damage to more than community. It can also damage families and couples.
Thanks for your post on Notes. I wasn't aware how much political palaver has wormed its way onto that section. It may be one of the inevitable growth pains we've seen on other, older social media platforms, some of which have disintegrated badly.
"Yes, I deserve this." Still feels like a revolution when I tell myself that. Cheers, Julia -- and THAT PIC of your riding that gorgeous Arabian . . . wow.
Someday I'll put up the video of the first time I saw him, ears laid back, kicking in the air, nostrils flared. Scared the crap out of and then I rode him. Unbelievable.
Awesome. You must have earned his respect.
As a rider, this: when I settled my weight on his back, he screamed a challenge. We spent fifteen minutes just walking around. He found out quickly that I love a feather touch and a light rein. He wasn’t used to it; the men who rode him were rough on his mouth. By the time we left the stable he was quite happy bc he knew I wasn’t going to abuse him. He gave me the ride of my life: two minutes at a dead run; my guide couldn’t keep up. I was holding on for dear life, one hand wrapped in his mane and the other on the pommel, his mane cutting my cheeks. We ran towards the mountains and home. Never never never never in my life has anything felt like that. I was Alex in Black Stallion. I did it. A dream realized at 63. That’s an article.
Julia, again I am so inspired and see myself in your writing. I am coming out of the ashes of years of unworthiness and victimhood owning my part in it all and it is tremendous. I am liberated from it most days as I step into the pure creative being I am now owning the power of my true essence. I will be writing about this on my own Spicy Soul Mama. It’s an important exploration. “The end of chaos is an opportunity.” Sometimes we hang onto the chaos because we don’t know who we are without it. I’d love to get coffee sometime. 💗✨✨💗
Me too!
I love the Spicy Soul Mama! So many of us thrive in chaos, but that's different from thriving ON chaos, which I think is detrimental. That's question I get to sit with as I think it's an important one. Thank you, as always.
Your writing absolutely hit me right where I needed this morning. Thank you so much for the inspiration and links to other fantastic writing. Very much appreciated. 💕🙏
Amy you are so very welcome. On days when my back hurts and other parts hurt so much that I can hardly breathe, and they do at times, I have to remember this: this too will pass, and I wake up to another magnificent day. We all do.
Yes Julia, starting over, whether it be physical change and or emotional / psychological change often requires challenging one’s own paradigms … a change of perception, the courage for that opens doors for opportunities and developing more self respect. Thank you 🙏
And thank you as always, Simone.
Starting over at any age works when one can visualize a goal and doesn’t overthink the process. Simply start moving and adjust course as the journey unfolds. No journey follows a straight line and every journey has bumps and surprises that require moving forward until one gets to the goal.
And sometimes tjhe goal changes as we do. It is indeed a journey.
Precisely. Just start moving and you’ll figure things out as you move along. But, no headphones or other electronic distractions are allowed. Imagination and awareness require undistracted freedom to enjoy the journey and explore possibilities simultaneously.