Ahhh this one has so many layers for me! My mom is a very healthy 76 and she still wants to travel the world. But she wants me to come with her instead of finding a travel group of women her age. I fear that she'll die waiting for me 😂 I'm not in that space right now. Having said that, I am fortunate enough to be neighbors with her...we live on the same street (which is probably why I don't ALSO want to travel with her!) We see each other every day.
She's been single for at least 30 years and relies a lot on me for a social life. It's hard for me but at the same time, I try my best because I know she won't be a round forever. I just wish she'd forget about me for a minute and go find some companion people to travel with!
My mother was pretty damned good at making friends, but once her eyesight was gone, that became really difficult. That said, when she was moved into an assisted living facility, she had plenty of visitors. You could hear her laugh all the way down the hall. I have that laugh, and it has fooled many a family member since.
I would explore why you aren't in that space. I know you are. However...I will write about this another time but I had a long, long trip in Australia with my mother in a campervan. It was many things, sometimes maddening, sometimes hurtful, but I will treasure that time with her forever. If you wait for "that space," she may not be around to fill it with you, a fact that you most certainly know. You inspired another article.
#1 Finances. Covid, death costs, multiple job losses in the last 3 years. I need years to get out of this financial hole.
#2 We don't have the same travel interests. I want to roadtrip everywhere in North America with my dog now and she wants to go to Portugal, Italy, France, European river cruises, literally everywhere far away.
We're on two different pages. Plus she isn't in the financial hole that I am. I HAVE TO wait for that space, i have no choice. She's free as a bird.
Totally legit. Boy do I effin get that financial hole. If she wants to go anywhere, she gets to compromise OR she gets to look into Road Scholar. That would be perfect for her, if she has the funds, and perfect for you, because she will will make buddies. I dunno if it's available due to costs but maybe? It sure might help her with those buddy issues. Reminds me of marriages, when a partner wants you to be EVERYTHING.
It's exhausting, and by the end of the day there's no blood left in you.
I've been hired to do a Road Scholar trip this July and if you want I can give you the skinny on it, what I think, we'll be doing the Lower Salmon River. I'll bet you've suggested this, too. This bird needs to remember that she has wings and she doesn't need you to use them.
Yeah like I said, there are many layers. She has friends and she often talks about joining travel groups. I think she just thinks I'll magically say yes lol. I don't know where she thinks I get money from 😂😂
Plus, I did the math. I've seen my mother at least once a day, EVERY day for over 4 years now...ever since covid hit, including living with her for 2 months when she broke her ankle over Christmas holidays. And she's joined me on EVERY mini roadtrip I've taken to the mountains. It's been a lot.
I’m an “old” mum since I had my children at 35, 38 and 41. They are still small but one thing that i discovered with motherhood and aging (44 now) is that it didn’t change who I am one bit. I’m still loud, love to be goofy and can make a joke out of everything really. And the best bit is that I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. I’m also now seeing how my mother was “a mother and a wife” for the most of my life and now she is discovering all these other sides of herself at 70. It’s a marvel to see. Anyway, I really liked your post.
My mum was 42 when I was born so I can relate. It took me a while to start seeing my mother as something other than just a mother. Watching her fall in love in her eighties did it, Ana, and that allowed me to see far more of her emotional range than my limited understanding of her. What a gift that was!
Ahhh this one has so many layers for me! My mom is a very healthy 76 and she still wants to travel the world. But she wants me to come with her instead of finding a travel group of women her age. I fear that she'll die waiting for me 😂 I'm not in that space right now. Having said that, I am fortunate enough to be neighbors with her...we live on the same street (which is probably why I don't ALSO want to travel with her!) We see each other every day.
She's been single for at least 30 years and relies a lot on me for a social life. It's hard for me but at the same time, I try my best because I know she won't be a round forever. I just wish she'd forget about me for a minute and go find some companion people to travel with!
My mother was pretty damned good at making friends, but once her eyesight was gone, that became really difficult. That said, when she was moved into an assisted living facility, she had plenty of visitors. You could hear her laugh all the way down the hall. I have that laugh, and it has fooled many a family member since.
I would explore why you aren't in that space. I know you are. However...I will write about this another time but I had a long, long trip in Australia with my mother in a campervan. It was many things, sometimes maddening, sometimes hurtful, but I will treasure that time with her forever. If you wait for "that space," she may not be around to fill it with you, a fact that you most certainly know. You inspired another article.
Many reasons I'm not in that space.
#1 Finances. Covid, death costs, multiple job losses in the last 3 years. I need years to get out of this financial hole.
#2 We don't have the same travel interests. I want to roadtrip everywhere in North America with my dog now and she wants to go to Portugal, Italy, France, European river cruises, literally everywhere far away.
We're on two different pages. Plus she isn't in the financial hole that I am. I HAVE TO wait for that space, i have no choice. She's free as a bird.
Just stumbled on this, FWIW: https://www.thecut.com/2022/08/helping-my-mom-make-friends.html
I can't read the damned thing because PAY FUCKING WALL but it might be free to you. So I can't say if it's worthwhile, but the title showed promise.
Omg that article was priceless!!! I wish you could have read it. It was hilarious and very heart warming!
I'll try next month if I remember. Glad you liked it.
Totally legit. Boy do I effin get that financial hole. If she wants to go anywhere, she gets to compromise OR she gets to look into Road Scholar. That would be perfect for her, if she has the funds, and perfect for you, because she will will make buddies. I dunno if it's available due to costs but maybe? It sure might help her with those buddy issues. Reminds me of marriages, when a partner wants you to be EVERYTHING.
It's exhausting, and by the end of the day there's no blood left in you.
I've been hired to do a Road Scholar trip this July and if you want I can give you the skinny on it, what I think, we'll be doing the Lower Salmon River. I'll bet you've suggested this, too. This bird needs to remember that she has wings and she doesn't need you to use them.
Yeah like I said, there are many layers. She has friends and she often talks about joining travel groups. I think she just thinks I'll magically say yes lol. I don't know where she thinks I get money from 😂😂
Plus, I did the math. I've seen my mother at least once a day, EVERY day for over 4 years now...ever since covid hit, including living with her for 2 months when she broke her ankle over Christmas holidays. And she's joined me on EVERY mini roadtrip I've taken to the mountains. It's been a lot.
I’m an “old” mum since I had my children at 35, 38 and 41. They are still small but one thing that i discovered with motherhood and aging (44 now) is that it didn’t change who I am one bit. I’m still loud, love to be goofy and can make a joke out of everything really. And the best bit is that I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. I’m also now seeing how my mother was “a mother and a wife” for the most of my life and now she is discovering all these other sides of herself at 70. It’s a marvel to see. Anyway, I really liked your post.
My mum was 42 when I was born so I can relate. It took me a while to start seeing my mother as something other than just a mother. Watching her fall in love in her eighties did it, Ana, and that allowed me to see far more of her emotional range than my limited understanding of her. What a gift that was!