My 84 year old mother is a role model for me. If I could, I would attach a picture of her piling her winter wood at 82 or tearing down the barn behind her house at 79. She has always been active. Other than aquacize 20 years ago, she’s never been to a gym. She just doesn’t sit for very long. Unfortunately, I have my father’s genetics, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to be like her.
And who doesn’t want to be Iris Apfel! She probably lived to 102 because she was Iris Apfel. True to herself.
72, and NO KIDDING! Yes, I’m so done with this Western society that appears to have no reverance, respect toward, or TRADITION of accessing it’s ‘elderly’ and the wisdom, and LIFE EXPERIENCE we have survived if we MAKE IT THIS FAR!!
And with that said, I still ride my bucket list motorcycle, and started taking long distance, SOLO, trips when I turned 50! The most fun was renting a motorcycle in Hawaii and riding the periphery of Ohua alone on my 58th birthday to celebrate!
Yes, body and mind starts to fall apart, but why does Western culture have to see we “survivors of long life” as if we’re invisible!??? That, and a burden to ‘deal with’ etc. So disappointing.
I only pray that I have a “say” when it’s time to pass. I have a very explicit POA written, with 3 women friends (my age) to back my kids up to make sure my wishes are followed if I can’t speak for myself. I already have a DNR, and no prominent life threatening illness. I’m just ok to be “done” if my heart stops. I do NOT believe in keeping people alive as long as possible BECAUSE it’s possible!! Why?? I’m in WI, and this is not a Death with Dignity state, and with no plans to move at this point.
I have Hospice lined up (I used to volunteer for them as well! FABULOUS org!) and I have already made contact with a Death Doula (Buddhist) to proactively “get to know” now before I would need her services. To me, Life is “birth” at onset, and it’s a “birth” when passing away. Both experiences are greatly supported by having a doula. Those of you not familiar with a doula, Google it ; )
It’s so IMPORTANT for we older spirits to be “seen” and honored, to have people be genuinely, appreciatatively curious to know who and what we are and where we’ve been, what we’ve done in our long lives!! H E L L O !!!!???
As an example, I am a survivor of both domestic violence, rape and sexual assault. With that, I chose a career to specialize counseling and advocacy for the Deaf, Deafblind community (multi-disabled) as well as providing training, and service coordination statewide for Deaf victims of DV/SA. I’ve written grants (it was a non-profit), curricula, trained trainers, hired, fired and supervised a Deaf staff. I taught sign language at a local college for over a decade at night, and interpreted the children’s show at the local civic center every Saturday for over a decade. After getting a Masters Degree in Counseling (with the Deaf) and interning at a Washington DC psychicatric hospital, I spent the decade of the 80’s living in Amsterdam married to a Dutchman and having 2 children. I got to know and worked with the Dutch Deaf, Deafblind community becoming FLUENT in Dutch Sign Language NGT (who can say they are fluently bi-lingual in sign language!! ; ), and I taught classes as well, along with teaching a communications course (along with Dutch sign language) to staff at a rehab center working with brain injured children! Not deaf.)
You can’t MAKE this up! ; )
Oh the stories I have!!
H E LLLLL OOOO ! ; )
This gives me an idea to maybe begin a group called: ELDERS SHARING OUR STORY!! Why? Because it’s just not to be fathomed how those of us that live THIS long, retire, and become a recluse by choice or not! I am an extrovert with what they call “Big Energy”… can you tell ; ) And, like putting a horse out to pasture, do they REALLY want to be left out there?? I’m learning to not have “weekends” anymore…. life has become a “weekend.” I came up with the analogy upon first retiring… it felt like you tap dance as fast as you can your entire life… then the ‘music’ stops.
My kids are grown and with their own families. One lives in LA, the other Zurich, Switzerland. Ok, thank goodness for the INTERNET and SCREEN! Though they too are busy busy living full, demanding lives (yes, I remember)… and here we “elders” sit… and sit…and sit. Maybe mow the lawn if lucky to have one (I do!), ride my motorcycle, continue my gym visits (which I don’t)… walk my dogs.
Last, once divorcing my husband 25 years ago I started studying Buddhism and have been a practicing Buddhist since. I don’t know what I would have done without it! ‘It’ reminds me to stay as present and mindful as possible in each moment I have. Not ruminate over the past, or what I’ve survived. I’m at peace to HAVE peace now in my life.. at last. However, we elders deserve to be “seen” by the younger generation; for there to be DESIRE to WANT to see ‘us.’ Be curious, want to know our journeys.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for Substack and all the communities and contacts I’ve made who are integral in my spirit/soul not feeling utterly alone. Otherwise, I stay virtually in touch with friends mostly (since COVID), and fortunate to have a handful of young friends who genuinely ARE interested in me ; )
You can’t just put a lifetime of experience on a shelf somewhere… but that’s what seems to be the drill. Back to my Buddhist Nature… be in THIS moment, and mindfully aware of “what is”… and THIS is what is.
I’d love to see other elders share their stories here! At least we should be a voice to each other!! With that said, for those of you who have kept reading (smile) Banyan is a forum that offers numerous sangha (group) meetings with various topics to consider, brief meditations, and then small ‘pod’ sharing with "Sacred Listening” which means, no cross talk, just listen with respect… and at the end, cross talk, if time, is possible… then back to the main group for comments and closure. One of the groups I attend is “Gifts of Aging” and everyone that attends are near my age, or older… and we all “get it” and share! Check it out 👍🙏 ~ “V”
Julia, I'm so glad to have found you and your eloquent, insightful writing. I read the whole article, but I'm going to re-read it for sure. It's amazing how society, and often our individual selves, punish us psychologically for doing what the body does naturally -- aging.
I think your adventurous spirit and embracing of yourself are inspiring. Self-acceptance and self-love are so important.
I am a breast cancer survivor, who despite being a gym rat, got the disease in my 30s. The chemotherapy caused premature menopause, and radiation caused damage to my lungs, which has manifested itself as asthma. But my oncologist, who is a stellar person, and luck gave me the gift of life and the chance to age. I have reminded myself time and time again that aging has been a gift.
Now I also add arthritis to my spine. I am aging, but I still work out at the gym and attest to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Whether cancer stays away is really out of my control, but if I try to be healthy, it's good for my body and psyche. Menopause makes weight gain a thing for me, so I'm struggling to maintain a healthier weight. The key is never to give up.
Since cancer, I have become an artist. I oil paint and discuss self-care in my blog. Art is a high form of self-care for me, as is exercise. I am working on an art series of tasteful nudes called Breast Cancer, Female and Young. Although I am no longer young, I want to speak to the breast cancer experience from young women's perspectives. Meanwhile each day is a gift to me because I am one of the lucky ones that gets to age thus far.
Loved it! I do struggle with aging and need to reorient my points of view. Menopause is such a rute of passage you get Thorén over another rhershold ready or not and then you have to reinvent yourself puck up the pierca snd hopefully make kintsugi of it.
Oh my gosh. I love every single bit of this. I’m 71 this year also, and had 4 years of severe health issues, chronic pain that has forced me to lay flat on my back. And three years prior to that with health crises that darned near killed me.
I continue to work towards health improvement, and with various surgeries and procedures have been gaining on it a bit. I’m still 30 pounds over my happy spot, but I’m determined to love myself as I am. It helps me wake up happier every single day.
I’ve begun practicing standing on one foot while I brush my teeth.
AFter five years of twelve surgeries and constant pain, I can relate all too well. I had to start with a very different body, and it's been quite the journey. We CAN do this. it will take all we've got but we're worth it.
Wow, look at you on that Bosu! That’s amazing. I do admire you, Julia. And just so you know, I love the creepy skin on my arms, I find it interesting! And I like my sunspots, and wrinkles and heck I don’t even hate my cellulite anymore. I’ve got much better things to do than worry about saggy bits. Also, I didn’t find this piece king at all. I simply found it inspiring and empowering. Merci 😊
Fabulous post Julia. Very inspiring and timely for me. I have just been contemplating the need to do more strength-building as I move through midlife and notice the posture starting to sag!
And thanks so much for the shout out to my post, much appreciated 🙏
That part you wrote about your mother made me sad. Reminded me of my grandmother who drank Slimfast shakes in her 80s because she was self-conscious of her figure. If ANYONE had earned a right to look however she pleased, it was her. She raised 6 kids on her own.
The way society has twisted us it's awful. I still feel like...gotta lose that last ten....WHY????? The messaging is just so powerful. As if being thinner will get me something.
You're such an inspiration! Thank you for this. It makes me realize how lucky I was that my mother modeled healthy, active, beautiful and confident aging. We're all lucky who have those examples of vibrant, happy older women in our lives because you sure don't see us in most film or media. I appreciated this reminder today.
What a gorgeous essay! Thank you, from someone about to turn 68! 💖🙏🏽
One of the best things I’ve read about aging in forever. Thank you!
Oh Julia! I read this article twice.
My 84 year old mother is a role model for me. If I could, I would attach a picture of her piling her winter wood at 82 or tearing down the barn behind her house at 79. She has always been active. Other than aquacize 20 years ago, she’s never been to a gym. She just doesn’t sit for very long. Unfortunately, I have my father’s genetics, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to be like her.
And who doesn’t want to be Iris Apfel! She probably lived to 102 because she was Iris Apfel. True to herself.
Lovely, Lisa, and it’s so true. I still stack wood and do as much of this kind of thing as possible. Basic physical work. It works!
72, and NO KIDDING! Yes, I’m so done with this Western society that appears to have no reverance, respect toward, or TRADITION of accessing it’s ‘elderly’ and the wisdom, and LIFE EXPERIENCE we have survived if we MAKE IT THIS FAR!!
And with that said, I still ride my bucket list motorcycle, and started taking long distance, SOLO, trips when I turned 50! The most fun was renting a motorcycle in Hawaii and riding the periphery of Ohua alone on my 58th birthday to celebrate!
Yes, body and mind starts to fall apart, but why does Western culture have to see we “survivors of long life” as if we’re invisible!??? That, and a burden to ‘deal with’ etc. So disappointing.
I only pray that I have a “say” when it’s time to pass. I have a very explicit POA written, with 3 women friends (my age) to back my kids up to make sure my wishes are followed if I can’t speak for myself. I already have a DNR, and no prominent life threatening illness. I’m just ok to be “done” if my heart stops. I do NOT believe in keeping people alive as long as possible BECAUSE it’s possible!! Why?? I’m in WI, and this is not a Death with Dignity state, and with no plans to move at this point.
I have Hospice lined up (I used to volunteer for them as well! FABULOUS org!) and I have already made contact with a Death Doula (Buddhist) to proactively “get to know” now before I would need her services. To me, Life is “birth” at onset, and it’s a “birth” when passing away. Both experiences are greatly supported by having a doula. Those of you not familiar with a doula, Google it ; )
It’s so IMPORTANT for we older spirits to be “seen” and honored, to have people be genuinely, appreciatatively curious to know who and what we are and where we’ve been, what we’ve done in our long lives!! H E L L O !!!!???
As an example, I am a survivor of both domestic violence, rape and sexual assault. With that, I chose a career to specialize counseling and advocacy for the Deaf, Deafblind community (multi-disabled) as well as providing training, and service coordination statewide for Deaf victims of DV/SA. I’ve written grants (it was a non-profit), curricula, trained trainers, hired, fired and supervised a Deaf staff. I taught sign language at a local college for over a decade at night, and interpreted the children’s show at the local civic center every Saturday for over a decade. After getting a Masters Degree in Counseling (with the Deaf) and interning at a Washington DC psychicatric hospital, I spent the decade of the 80’s living in Amsterdam married to a Dutchman and having 2 children. I got to know and worked with the Dutch Deaf, Deafblind community becoming FLUENT in Dutch Sign Language NGT (who can say they are fluently bi-lingual in sign language!! ; ), and I taught classes as well, along with teaching a communications course (along with Dutch sign language) to staff at a rehab center working with brain injured children! Not deaf.)
You can’t MAKE this up! ; )
Oh the stories I have!!
H E LLLLL OOOO ! ; )
This gives me an idea to maybe begin a group called: ELDERS SHARING OUR STORY!! Why? Because it’s just not to be fathomed how those of us that live THIS long, retire, and become a recluse by choice or not! I am an extrovert with what they call “Big Energy”… can you tell ; ) And, like putting a horse out to pasture, do they REALLY want to be left out there?? I’m learning to not have “weekends” anymore…. life has become a “weekend.” I came up with the analogy upon first retiring… it felt like you tap dance as fast as you can your entire life… then the ‘music’ stops.
My kids are grown and with their own families. One lives in LA, the other Zurich, Switzerland. Ok, thank goodness for the INTERNET and SCREEN! Though they too are busy busy living full, demanding lives (yes, I remember)… and here we “elders” sit… and sit…and sit. Maybe mow the lawn if lucky to have one (I do!), ride my motorcycle, continue my gym visits (which I don’t)… walk my dogs.
Last, once divorcing my husband 25 years ago I started studying Buddhism and have been a practicing Buddhist since. I don’t know what I would have done without it! ‘It’ reminds me to stay as present and mindful as possible in each moment I have. Not ruminate over the past, or what I’ve survived. I’m at peace to HAVE peace now in my life.. at last. However, we elders deserve to be “seen” by the younger generation; for there to be DESIRE to WANT to see ‘us.’ Be curious, want to know our journeys.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for Substack and all the communities and contacts I’ve made who are integral in my spirit/soul not feeling utterly alone. Otherwise, I stay virtually in touch with friends mostly (since COVID), and fortunate to have a handful of young friends who genuinely ARE interested in me ; )
You can’t just put a lifetime of experience on a shelf somewhere… but that’s what seems to be the drill. Back to my Buddhist Nature… be in THIS moment, and mindfully aware of “what is”… and THIS is what is.
I’d love to see other elders share their stories here! At least we should be a voice to each other!! With that said, for those of you who have kept reading (smile) Banyan is a forum that offers numerous sangha (group) meetings with various topics to consider, brief meditations, and then small ‘pod’ sharing with "Sacred Listening” which means, no cross talk, just listen with respect… and at the end, cross talk, if time, is possible… then back to the main group for comments and closure. One of the groups I attend is “Gifts of Aging” and everyone that attends are near my age, or older… and we all “get it” and share! Check it out 👍🙏 ~ “V”
Permission to quote you. Let me know. This was wonderful.
Smiling, sure... as long as you credit me ; ) Glad you appreciated my share!! 👍🙏💖
Julia, I'm so glad to have found you and your eloquent, insightful writing. I read the whole article, but I'm going to re-read it for sure. It's amazing how society, and often our individual selves, punish us psychologically for doing what the body does naturally -- aging.
I think your adventurous spirit and embracing of yourself are inspiring. Self-acceptance and self-love are so important.
I am a breast cancer survivor, who despite being a gym rat, got the disease in my 30s. The chemotherapy caused premature menopause, and radiation caused damage to my lungs, which has manifested itself as asthma. But my oncologist, who is a stellar person, and luck gave me the gift of life and the chance to age. I have reminded myself time and time again that aging has been a gift.
Now I also add arthritis to my spine. I am aging, but I still work out at the gym and attest to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Whether cancer stays away is really out of my control, but if I try to be healthy, it's good for my body and psyche. Menopause makes weight gain a thing for me, so I'm struggling to maintain a healthier weight. The key is never to give up.
Since cancer, I have become an artist. I oil paint and discuss self-care in my blog. Art is a high form of self-care for me, as is exercise. I am working on an art series of tasteful nudes called Breast Cancer, Female and Young. Although I am no longer young, I want to speak to the breast cancer experience from young women's perspectives. Meanwhile each day is a gift to me because I am one of the lucky ones that gets to age thus far.
Id every grateful for permission to quote you. This is amazing. Thank you.
Of course. You can definitely quote me, no problem. Thank you for reading my story.
Loved it! I do struggle with aging and need to reorient my points of view. Menopause is such a rute of passage you get Thorén over another rhershold ready or not and then you have to reinvent yourself puck up the pierca snd hopefully make kintsugi of it.
Thank you, Julia!
You are most welcome!
Loved this article! So inspiring and fills me with motivation! Thank you from my heart! Dee
Absolutely brilliant. Love this piece. Thank you. Will share widely! xxx
Heartfelt thanks, Justine.
Thank you!
Oh my gosh. I love every single bit of this. I’m 71 this year also, and had 4 years of severe health issues, chronic pain that has forced me to lay flat on my back. And three years prior to that with health crises that darned near killed me.
I continue to work towards health improvement, and with various surgeries and procedures have been gaining on it a bit. I’m still 30 pounds over my happy spot, but I’m determined to love myself as I am. It helps me wake up happier every single day.
I’ve begun practicing standing on one foot while I brush my teeth.
I’m getting better at it!
AFter five years of twelve surgeries and constant pain, I can relate all too well. I had to start with a very different body, and it's been quite the journey. We CAN do this. it will take all we've got but we're worth it.
Thank you so much!
Wow, look at you on that Bosu! That’s amazing. I do admire you, Julia. And just so you know, I love the creepy skin on my arms, I find it interesting! And I like my sunspots, and wrinkles and heck I don’t even hate my cellulite anymore. I’ve got much better things to do than worry about saggy bits. Also, I didn’t find this piece king at all. I simply found it inspiring and empowering. Merci 😊
Thanks so much. I have a long way to go before I feel as though I am back, but getting there!
Fabulous post Julia. Very inspiring and timely for me. I have just been contemplating the need to do more strength-building as I move through midlife and notice the posture starting to sag!
And thanks so much for the shout out to my post, much appreciated 🙏
It was fabulous. Thank you for such good writing.
That part you wrote about your mother made me sad. Reminded me of my grandmother who drank Slimfast shakes in her 80s because she was self-conscious of her figure. If ANYONE had earned a right to look however she pleased, it was her. She raised 6 kids on her own.
The way society has twisted us it's awful. I still feel like...gotta lose that last ten....WHY????? The messaging is just so powerful. As if being thinner will get me something.
You're such an inspiration! Thank you for this. It makes me realize how lucky I was that my mother modeled healthy, active, beautiful and confident aging. We're all lucky who have those examples of vibrant, happy older women in our lives because you sure don't see us in most film or media. I appreciated this reminder today.
Brigid, while my own mother didn't provide that example, my mentor did. For that, I am endlessly grateful!