I love your point that we don't get to be experienced, wise, and wonderful without having unwise experiences and doing things that were definitely not wonderful along the way. My beloved husband (we married at age 50) has often said he found the middle of the road by bouncing between the gutters. And he has more integrity than anyone I've ever known.
This was fabulous, Julia. Every. Single. Word. You had me laughing and quaking in my shoes, because I got divorced this year at 63 after 33 years of marriage to the same man and the idea of online dating is terrifying. I can see why you gave up on it--but I suppose I will give it a whirl just so I can have my own experience of it. And yes, yes, yes to the authenticity about being who we are and acknowledging what we've done, the good, the bad and the ugly, and a hard no to the bullshit of some guy feigning perfection. A man with unblemished history sounds boring to me. Deep breath. Am I ready for this later-in-life dating? When I am, can I come back and cry on your shoulder, or will you at least make me laugh? I'm pretty certain you will.
Guaranteed. I will invite you to compare notes on how many pounds of "athletic and toned" are hanging over someone's belt buckle. I will also invite you to share (this is also true) how many times guys of a Certain Age decide to regale you with tales of their colonoscopy during dinner.
No. Really.
Riveting, mind you, if you happen to be a gastroenterologist.
But if you are, rather, interested in gastronomy, you might pass.
For my part I will pass gas, leave 'em gasping and when they come up for air I will be gone.
ALWAYS KNOW WHERE THE EMERGENCY EXITS ARE. ALWAYS PARK CLOSE TO ONE.
And take notes. For many years some of my finest comedy material came out of online dating.
If the topic didn't lend itself to such hilarity....honestly, my problem is that I have had a terrible time finding anyone who is willing to take themselves less seriously. I mean really. My teeth come out at night. I scare the shit out of myself every single morning. I can't begin to imagine what some poor sod who expected perfection would do. However if I find someone who is equally dentally-challenged, the bigger issue is making sure that I don't grab the wrong denture cup in the morning and try to cram in his pearly whites. Now that would make for one hell of a breakfast conversation.
Oh my God, Julia! This is probably my most favorite thing you've ever written!!! I laughed and laughed but also realized that you are SO utterly correct that as we age, we are ALL damaged goods. By default! Because we have lived enough years to have seen some real shit! And NO....nobody can have my "number." Let's just say I've lived a good life lol.
As a woman sliding sideways swiftly like a 2nd baseman into 50, THIS IS F***ING GREAT! This is hilarious as hell + absolutely TRUE! This is my FAV of all!
I love your point that we don't get to be experienced, wise, and wonderful without having unwise experiences and doing things that were definitely not wonderful along the way. My beloved husband (we married at age 50) has often said he found the middle of the road by bouncing between the gutters. And he has more integrity than anyone I've ever known.
That is perfectly said, Jan. So very true, and thank you.
Thank YOU, for articulating what needed expressing.
This was fabulous, Julia. Every. Single. Word. You had me laughing and quaking in my shoes, because I got divorced this year at 63 after 33 years of marriage to the same man and the idea of online dating is terrifying. I can see why you gave up on it--but I suppose I will give it a whirl just so I can have my own experience of it. And yes, yes, yes to the authenticity about being who we are and acknowledging what we've done, the good, the bad and the ugly, and a hard no to the bullshit of some guy feigning perfection. A man with unblemished history sounds boring to me. Deep breath. Am I ready for this later-in-life dating? When I am, can I come back and cry on your shoulder, or will you at least make me laugh? I'm pretty certain you will.
Guaranteed. I will invite you to compare notes on how many pounds of "athletic and toned" are hanging over someone's belt buckle. I will also invite you to share (this is also true) how many times guys of a Certain Age decide to regale you with tales of their colonoscopy during dinner.
No. Really.
Riveting, mind you, if you happen to be a gastroenterologist.
But if you are, rather, interested in gastronomy, you might pass.
For my part I will pass gas, leave 'em gasping and when they come up for air I will be gone.
ALWAYS KNOW WHERE THE EMERGENCY EXITS ARE. ALWAYS PARK CLOSE TO ONE.
And take notes. For many years some of my finest comedy material came out of online dating.
Oh there you go again! I'm laughing so hard. I've heard similar horror stories from my older dating women friends. Can't say you didn't warn me.!
If the topic didn't lend itself to such hilarity....honestly, my problem is that I have had a terrible time finding anyone who is willing to take themselves less seriously. I mean really. My teeth come out at night. I scare the shit out of myself every single morning. I can't begin to imagine what some poor sod who expected perfection would do. However if I find someone who is equally dentally-challenged, the bigger issue is making sure that I don't grab the wrong denture cup in the morning and try to cram in his pearly whites. Now that would make for one hell of a breakfast conversation.
Ah, this is pure "dental" gold!
Oh my God, Julia! This is probably my most favorite thing you've ever written!!! I laughed and laughed but also realized that you are SO utterly correct that as we age, we are ALL damaged goods. By default! Because we have lived enough years to have seen some real shit! And NO....nobody can have my "number." Let's just say I've lived a good life lol.
Best thing I've read all day!
As a woman sliding sideways swiftly like a 2nd baseman into 50, THIS IS F***ING GREAT! This is hilarious as hell + absolutely TRUE! This is my FAV of all!