I've never watched the show. The premise of it sounds like the same Hollywood BS regarding romance, just that they raised the age limit. Everything you wrote here rings true. And might I add to this quote "you probably have to give up a lot in order for it to stick", that in some cases/for certain people who tend to lose themeslves in relationships--like me, you gotta learn what NOT to give up in order for the relationship to be healthy and sustainable.
Is the work of boundaries and guard rails ever over? Boy howdy. I never saw it either but I read up on it, listened to thoughtful commentary from people I trusted, and came away singularly irritated with our culture. Well said, Louisa.
Oh no! The work is never over! And the more storiesI hear, the angrier I become.
I'm grateful that you call out the hypocracy and immaturity of such masquerades as the Golden Bachelor show. Isn't it time for all men and women (and anyone in between) to wake up to the fantasy of love, learn from what doesn't work and put in the hard work of true love?
Well, as for me, having been scarred so many times, I feel like I need to retire from relationships once and for all.
I would suggest, because I've been there too, Louisa, is that we retire not from relationships, but the habits that we bring into those couplings which don't serve us. For my part it's not the relationship itself, but the unhealthy expectations or lack of boundaries that are the issue. I can only speak for me, but each time I try I get to watch those issues come to the fore again, and ask hard questions about where in me am I not trusting or loving myself enough to set healthy boundaries? That's hard, but it's worth it. For now, I want a DOG.
Yes, I appreciate the suggestion, and believe me, I totally get it. Perhaps because my injury is still raw and fresh, I am still in a depleted state and want to give up. I do believe that I can find happiness not necessarily in a relationship, but certainly with myself, friends and hopefully some day, a cat :-)
Healing after betrayal trauma is big work. I've had it too, and sometimes I wonder if that wound ever heals. I think it does, and I also think that understanding that the other person probably had been betrayed as well might help, although that doesn't heal us. Just adds perspective. Time works, and time within helps. What's hard to heal is the message that we weren't worth the commitment. That's what bites.
Thanks for the glimmer of hope. I know that he had been betrayed before. But it just felt unfair to me that he acted out unconsciously and transferred the pain to me. I look forward to the day I'm healed. It might take a long time.
I've never watched the show. The premise of it sounds like the same Hollywood BS regarding romance, just that they raised the age limit. Everything you wrote here rings true. And might I add to this quote "you probably have to give up a lot in order for it to stick", that in some cases/for certain people who tend to lose themeslves in relationships--like me, you gotta learn what NOT to give up in order for the relationship to be healthy and sustainable.
Is the work of boundaries and guard rails ever over? Boy howdy. I never saw it either but I read up on it, listened to thoughtful commentary from people I trusted, and came away singularly irritated with our culture. Well said, Louisa.
Oh no! The work is never over! And the more storiesI hear, the angrier I become.
I'm grateful that you call out the hypocracy and immaturity of such masquerades as the Golden Bachelor show. Isn't it time for all men and women (and anyone in between) to wake up to the fantasy of love, learn from what doesn't work and put in the hard work of true love?
Well, as for me, having been scarred so many times, I feel like I need to retire from relationships once and for all.
I would suggest, because I've been there too, Louisa, is that we retire not from relationships, but the habits that we bring into those couplings which don't serve us. For my part it's not the relationship itself, but the unhealthy expectations or lack of boundaries that are the issue. I can only speak for me, but each time I try I get to watch those issues come to the fore again, and ask hard questions about where in me am I not trusting or loving myself enough to set healthy boundaries? That's hard, but it's worth it. For now, I want a DOG.
Yes, I appreciate the suggestion, and believe me, I totally get it. Perhaps because my injury is still raw and fresh, I am still in a depleted state and want to give up. I do believe that I can find happiness not necessarily in a relationship, but certainly with myself, friends and hopefully some day, a cat :-)
Healing after betrayal trauma is big work. I've had it too, and sometimes I wonder if that wound ever heals. I think it does, and I also think that understanding that the other person probably had been betrayed as well might help, although that doesn't heal us. Just adds perspective. Time works, and time within helps. What's hard to heal is the message that we weren't worth the commitment. That's what bites.
Thanks for the glimmer of hope. I know that he had been betrayed before. But it just felt unfair to me that he acted out unconsciously and transferred the pain to me. I look forward to the day I'm healed. It might take a long time.