You and I Are Too Old to Be Fearful of Trying New Things
Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society
Overheard near my lunch table: a lesson in our fears
A while back I was having lunch at a small cafe in downtown
Tucson. The place was small enough so that the tables were very close. Inevitably you’re treated to the conversations of those nearby, especially if you’re alone and not in a conversation yourself.
“Sorry, she’s texting me constantly.” Pause.
“She’s shopping for blouses. Honestly.”
“No. No. No. NO. They’re all black,” she said to her lunch date.
Another pause.
“NO. More black. My goodness. Get some COLOR already.”
Her lunch partner chimed in. “What’s going on?”
“She’s almost seventy-five. She dyes her hair jet black and that’s all she wears. She can’t seem to bring any color into her life. If she had her colors done she’d be wearing fire engine red, turquoise, purple. She only wears black. It’s so boring. She can’t seem to get out of that rut.”
Another pause.
“OHMIGOD THAT THAT THAT!”
“What happened?”
“She’s looking at something bright red. Oh. My. God. It would look AMAZING on her. YES YOU GO!”
Long pause. Silverware clatters.
“Anything?”
“She’s back to black.”
After that, the conversation wandered off.
This past spring I finalized months of rebuild after two big water events at my house. When I realized it was a chance to change the colors of my walls, I initially chose a soft sage.
Safe, easy, unobtrusive.
Apparently I’ve spent way too damned much time in doctor’s offices because it’s the exact color that my podiatrist uses. It’s also a little too close to Army green, which I lived with for five long years.
Once I realized that, I started trying out other colors, beginning with non-threatening choices.
Then I began to experiment. The story of that willingness to expand was on my bedroom wall as I bought pot after pot of paint and slapped it up to inspect how it might feel.
The samples got brighter and brighter, braver and braver as I pushed myself to ask what it would be like to break out of institutional safety and just blast my home with color.
Ultimately, for my bedroom, I went with this:
The color is called Juniper. The first time I walked in and took in this color I must have had the same response as the blouse shopper must have had to the red blouse:
HOLY CRAP I CAN’T DO THAT
Nearly changed my mind, too. But I sat the feelings down and negotiated with my discomfort. By the time I added furniture and art, the bright walls wouldn’t overwhelm.
So I kept the color.
For the bathrooms, which are so often pastel colors or boring white, I began asking the same question: what about…?
The lower two are now in the bathrooms. The previous blah beige, wan yellow and organic browns are all gone, replaced by saturated hues.
Yesterday my real estate agent came by to pick up her lockbox, the final nail in the coffin of the idea of selling (at least for now). She’s a friend so I invited her in.
She was stunned. The home she sold me had been transformed with dense color and rich hues.
Before:
After painting:
When she walked into the bedroom, she sucked in her breath.
While the house is still undergoing painting and construction, these parts are done. Living in this saturated color is mind-blowing. To think I might have chosen to live with the colors that surround me every time I get my blood drawn or a shot, right?
You and I are WAY Too Old to keep choosing “safe” if we want an outsized and well-lived life.
We so often choose safe, even with such simple things as eyeglass frames, which many of us rightfully consider jewelry. The recently-deceased and utterly amazing Iris Apfel was famous for her accessories. There’s even a line of frames modeled and named after her.
While you may not wish to make that kind of a fashion statement, the conversation at that little cafe invited me to consider how often we choose safe over something so simple as changing a frame color. How fear of change locks us into habits and keeps us from testing new waters even with simple things.
While you can legitimately argue that once you find what works for you, it’s great to stick with it, truth also is that we often outgrow whatever that is without realizing that it’s become an anchor.
If we want something new, sometimes it’s best to start with something small and simple, especially if we’re timid. Timid isn’t my style for most things, but if going from all-black to lipstick red is too much (understandably), maybe trying a dove grey wouldn’t be so terrifying.
As with fashion, so in life. If you can handle a weekend away in the town nearby, step by step you might eventually wind up in Paris or Portugal.
The point is, doors swing open when we are willing to let go of habits of mind. We never know when it might result in a color-saturated life.
Let’s play.
Thanks as always for reading. This was a lighthearted piece for the holiday weekend as people invite summer into their lives, and I quietly thank my fellow servicemen for their sacrifice. Memorial Day is the beginning of much joy, and it’s also the acknowledgement of much pain. All things in balance. If this article was fun for you please consider
If you know someone who can’t stop wearing those black framed Army glasses please consider
Either way, please have fun, grow and have fun.
We could take a few lessons from the flowers and put a little more color in our living spaces.
You've done a great job that gives a feeling of calm and rest and isn't that what a home should be? A good lesson is risk/reward. Go for it!
Love your paint choices! A former partner painted our dining room a deep teal-at first I was shocked... then I loved it. Now you've reminded me to check out paint samples! Excellent!