Thanks for the nudge Julia. One of the reasons I keep physically and mentally fit, even becoming a non-drinker is to be the role model for my children and adult grandchildren. And now you have nudged me to clean up my online habits as well.
It's been an interesting exercise. I see a behaviour I don't like in my family and I have to challenge myself to model a better version. Hubby and I became non-drinkers (celebrations only). Now my daughter (who was living the London exec life) has totally given up, exec son has nearly given up and young adult grandchildren have never drunk much. We also bounce off each other but I draw the line at trying to keep up with them doing 75 Hard!
I never drank, Robyn/ Booze and ciggies did in my dad, and booze and drugs and ciggies did in my brother. I smoked as a kid and quit. I am so glad when I hear people quit- I know there are powerful attractions and in my family I could only see the costs.
It's sad when addictions take over and ruin lives. One can go either way with that model. Glad you made the right choices and we get to read your work now.
Thanks for this insight, Julia. I remember the first time I saw smartphones - I was at a coffee shop with two friends and they were both staring at their phones. Our oldest kids were in primary school then; they are in university now. I cleared my throat and they both jumped and put their phones in their purses. Something about it bothered me.... within a couple of years I had one, too....
Hi Julia, thank you for this insightful piece. For me the breakthrough was realising I have control over this instead of blaming my surroundings. Changing my mindset from a victim to an owner.
I hope more people wake up to realise they are not in need of their smartphone all the time.
Start living again. Because we only have 1 life and a lot are wasting it behind a phone.
NPR had an interview with the writer of the book about anxious kids just this morning. Apparently a very timely topic, with the attempts to ban TikTok. To my mind making China the boogeyman ignores what all the Big Tech is doing, and obscures the fox in the henhouse already.
Let's be honest, it's not our phones...it's the internet. We just happen to be able to access it on our phones. When my son was 10 he didn't have a phone but he sure as hell picked the lock on my bedroom door to access my computer when I was at work.
The problem with the internet it we all use it. It's almost necessity to learn anything now.
You're right, albeit the point still stands that parents can most assuredly do a better job (while I"m not sure about lockp-picking kids, that's over my pay grade). The genie is out of the bottle For this piece though, while it focuses on the articles about kids, my real point is that we really can't allow scrolling to suck our lives out especially as we age. I know you get that- but so many people just can't see how costly that is.
Love this piece, Julia, thanks. I will send to my adults kids on behalf of their kids. I'm happy to be a non-addict, do not take the phone with me everywhere, sometimes simply forget, other times, it's a conscious decision. I rely more on computer than phone and that's not on all day every day. Do not have or allow a phone in the bedroom. Definitely "old-school" although confess to having thought of a phone upgrade recently mostly due to camera improvement. I received a lengthy email from a friend yesterday with mega details and links to articles on Apple and the DOJ lawsuit, the Apple vs Google race for the phone market - the new Android vs iPhone, security, and his "fear" of big brother watching everything. I think I'm even beyond that...way too old for this shit, yes, yes, yes. For anyone interested in the details and the lengthy list of links and articles, send me your email and I will forward to you for research purposes. No monetary
This is great, Gary. I am still finding ways to put the phone down or at least read a book on it instead of scroll. You can send those details to me at jhubbel@wordfood.com
There are hundreds if not thousands of details and you can sort through and look at te ones that seem most relevant to you. I will ship the lengthy report off to you later today.
Julia, thank you for writing this piece. I 100% agree with you that cell phone usage affects adults' brains--and lives--as much as it does kids. Just as nutritional guidelines and regulations are often designed to highlight the vulnerability of babies and children--yes, they are more vulnerable to all sorts of environmental toxins than adults, but it doesn't mean adults shouldn't pay attention to those toxins or that they are impervious (as many mainland Chinese folks would like to believe, as a way to survive through denial because toxic chemicals infiltrate the soil and air to such a huge extent.)
So, when it comes to the phone, of course, I have to say I'm addicted too, but in recent years I have scaled down 90% of my social media activity and put my focus on more meaningful activities. What is tragic, is how the smart phone has played an instrumental role in the demise of my most recent relationship. Not only is my ex-partner addicted to the dopamine hits from TikTok and IG reels, he was also engulfted and brainwashed by the U.S.-bashing videos and other videos that confirmed his own desire to move overseas--a desire that proved to be so strong that it broke our partnership. In addition, the smartphone made it possible for him to contact women overseas, leading up to his sexual betrayal during the pandemic, the effects of which I am still suffering. And then there was an article that talks about how the cell phone kills sexual desire between couples. I found that to be true! Of course, it might seem unfair to blame a device for all these vices and tragedies, and that without it, things like betrayals can still happen. True. But the ease with which one can deceive and even make elaborate schemes overseas!!! I don't think one can achieve that so easily WITHOUT a smartphone. I'm still seething with anger about this!
Thanks Louisa. If I wrote an article which included ALL the side effects of this invasive vermin in our lives it would be War and Peace. We can soften that connection, and we can indeed take more of our lives back. I resent that so much of society centers around it. But we can fight back. With that, I am off to hike the coastal dunes today!
Reading this reminded me of the night (I still remember it) in 2010 when I was having dinner during a trip to NYC with a very close, longtime friend. I was actually mid-sentence when she picked up her phone (which was on the table; mine was not because I thought that would be rude lol) and started messing with it, basically ignoring me. Eventually I stopped trying to have a conversation and we sat in silence while she looked at her phone. Again, this was (and is) a very close friend that I don’t get to see often. The saddest part is that although it took years, eventually I not only accepted that everyone does this, but I started keeping my phone out on the table too. 🙃 but I have hope for myself at least! Recently I’ve made a point to keep it in the bag for the whole meal. It’s a start at least…
This was painful to read, Rayna, for it brings up memories of someone who did the same. We get ghosted while we're right in front of people we care about. Worse, they aren't even cognizant of this behavior. Wow.
Thanks for the nudge Julia. One of the reasons I keep physically and mentally fit, even becoming a non-drinker is to be the role model for my children and adult grandchildren. And now you have nudged me to clean up my online habits as well.
We will never be perfect. But boy when we set an example and live it, and people see and want to be like that, what a gift,right?
It's been an interesting exercise. I see a behaviour I don't like in my family and I have to challenge myself to model a better version. Hubby and I became non-drinkers (celebrations only). Now my daughter (who was living the London exec life) has totally given up, exec son has nearly given up and young adult grandchildren have never drunk much. We also bounce off each other but I draw the line at trying to keep up with them doing 75 Hard!
I never drank, Robyn/ Booze and ciggies did in my dad, and booze and drugs and ciggies did in my brother. I smoked as a kid and quit. I am so glad when I hear people quit- I know there are powerful attractions and in my family I could only see the costs.
It's sad when addictions take over and ruin lives. One can go either way with that model. Glad you made the right choices and we get to read your work now.
Thanks Robin. I have never had a substance addiction unless you include donuts. Now THAT's a substance addiction....
Thanks for this insight, Julia. I remember the first time I saw smartphones - I was at a coffee shop with two friends and they were both staring at their phones. Our oldest kids were in primary school then; they are in university now. I cleared my throat and they both jumped and put their phones in their purses. Something about it bothered me.... within a couple of years I had one, too....
We all got swept up, Janine. And I find myself mindlessy on it, and realize it owns me, blush, curse, and do it again. It's a constant battle.
It is indeed!
Hi Julia, thank you for this insightful piece. For me the breakthrough was realising I have control over this instead of blaming my surroundings. Changing my mindset from a victim to an owner.
I hope more people wake up to realise they are not in need of their smartphone all the time.
Start living again. Because we only have 1 life and a lot are wasting it behind a phone.
I love that:: changing my mindset fro a victim to an owner.
BTW, I just subscribed! Curious for more pieces! (I've found this one thanks to Louisa Wah recommending it!
Heartfelt thanks Marie. I hope I live up to the hype!
Another great reality check on what is truly important, thanks Julia.
NPR had an interview with the writer of the book about anxious kids just this morning. Apparently a very timely topic, with the attempts to ban TikTok. To my mind making China the boogeyman ignores what all the Big Tech is doing, and obscures the fox in the henhouse already.
The saying 'can't see the forest for the trees' comes to mind...
Too true Donna!
Let's be honest, it's not our phones...it's the internet. We just happen to be able to access it on our phones. When my son was 10 he didn't have a phone but he sure as hell picked the lock on my bedroom door to access my computer when I was at work.
The problem with the internet it we all use it. It's almost necessity to learn anything now.
You're right, albeit the point still stands that parents can most assuredly do a better job (while I"m not sure about lockp-picking kids, that's over my pay grade). The genie is out of the bottle For this piece though, while it focuses on the articles about kids, my real point is that we really can't allow scrolling to suck our lives out especially as we age. I know you get that- but so many people just can't see how costly that is.
Oh you're right about us adults for sure. We all fall victim to it, especially when we have jobs that require us to be online!
Honestly, l used to have laser focus. These days...I embarrass myself. I have to turn off all the notifications or I might as well be Pavlov's dog.
Love this piece, Julia, thanks. I will send to my adults kids on behalf of their kids. I'm happy to be a non-addict, do not take the phone with me everywhere, sometimes simply forget, other times, it's a conscious decision. I rely more on computer than phone and that's not on all day every day. Do not have or allow a phone in the bedroom. Definitely "old-school" although confess to having thought of a phone upgrade recently mostly due to camera improvement. I received a lengthy email from a friend yesterday with mega details and links to articles on Apple and the DOJ lawsuit, the Apple vs Google race for the phone market - the new Android vs iPhone, security, and his "fear" of big brother watching everything. I think I'm even beyond that...way too old for this shit, yes, yes, yes. For anyone interested in the details and the lengthy list of links and articles, send me your email and I will forward to you for research purposes. No monetary
This is great, Gary. I am still finding ways to put the phone down or at least read a book on it instead of scroll. You can send those details to me at jhubbel@wordfood.com
There are hundreds if not thousands of details and you can sort through and look at te ones that seem most relevant to you. I will ship the lengthy report off to you later today.
Thanks!
Julia, thank you for writing this piece. I 100% agree with you that cell phone usage affects adults' brains--and lives--as much as it does kids. Just as nutritional guidelines and regulations are often designed to highlight the vulnerability of babies and children--yes, they are more vulnerable to all sorts of environmental toxins than adults, but it doesn't mean adults shouldn't pay attention to those toxins or that they are impervious (as many mainland Chinese folks would like to believe, as a way to survive through denial because toxic chemicals infiltrate the soil and air to such a huge extent.)
So, when it comes to the phone, of course, I have to say I'm addicted too, but in recent years I have scaled down 90% of my social media activity and put my focus on more meaningful activities. What is tragic, is how the smart phone has played an instrumental role in the demise of my most recent relationship. Not only is my ex-partner addicted to the dopamine hits from TikTok and IG reels, he was also engulfted and brainwashed by the U.S.-bashing videos and other videos that confirmed his own desire to move overseas--a desire that proved to be so strong that it broke our partnership. In addition, the smartphone made it possible for him to contact women overseas, leading up to his sexual betrayal during the pandemic, the effects of which I am still suffering. And then there was an article that talks about how the cell phone kills sexual desire between couples. I found that to be true! Of course, it might seem unfair to blame a device for all these vices and tragedies, and that without it, things like betrayals can still happen. True. But the ease with which one can deceive and even make elaborate schemes overseas!!! I don't think one can achieve that so easily WITHOUT a smartphone. I'm still seething with anger about this!
Thanks Louisa. If I wrote an article which included ALL the side effects of this invasive vermin in our lives it would be War and Peace. We can soften that connection, and we can indeed take more of our lives back. I resent that so much of society centers around it. But we can fight back. With that, I am off to hike the coastal dunes today!
Thank you, Julia! I wouldn't mind reading a War and Peace treaties on the cell phone, LOL! Enjoy the dunes!
Thank you and I did indeed. Rainy and wonderful!
Reading this reminded me of the night (I still remember it) in 2010 when I was having dinner during a trip to NYC with a very close, longtime friend. I was actually mid-sentence when she picked up her phone (which was on the table; mine was not because I thought that would be rude lol) and started messing with it, basically ignoring me. Eventually I stopped trying to have a conversation and we sat in silence while she looked at her phone. Again, this was (and is) a very close friend that I don’t get to see often. The saddest part is that although it took years, eventually I not only accepted that everyone does this, but I started keeping my phone out on the table too. 🙃 but I have hope for myself at least! Recently I’ve made a point to keep it in the bag for the whole meal. It’s a start at least…
This was painful to read, Rayna, for it brings up memories of someone who did the same. We get ghosted while we're right in front of people we care about. Worse, they aren't even cognizant of this behavior. Wow.