Thank you, Julia. I'm feeling intense shame and regret right now for a serious blunder I made -- failing to intervene in a situation that deeply hurt a loved one. I've forgotten just what a heavy hairshirt blanket shame can be. It's exhausting -- but I'm determined to keep stumbling along.
Jan, I understand all too well. And if I may: remorse might be a slightly different blanket to wear as opposed to shame. Remorse carries healing inside it; we recognize we screwed up, and we are deeply sorry. There is warmth in remorse for we own what we have done or failed to do; shame implies we are intrinsically bad. You and I are old enough to know the difference and wise enough to chose which to embody. One can inflict further damage to us, the other allows us to own a mistake and learn from it.
For what it's worth. We do stumble. It's inevitable. Wisdom, maybe, is knowing how and when we failed, and also that wearing shame for it isn't going to move us forward. I struggle with that, too.
Well said, Julia, and I deeply appreciate your perspective. Yes, what I'm really going through is remorse. It's no less painful than shame, but as you wisely point out, remorse contains healing. May it be.
I'll certainly hold that space. That's precisely what I feel when someone I care about calls me out about something stupid or selfish or thoughtless. It's also what I get to feel when I haven't stood up for myself when I needed to. It's healthy. No damned fun, but healthy, And there's that word, heal, in healthy.
Another wonderful, honest, in-depth and well-researched & thought provoking piece. Thanks Julia, none of us escapes from the feeling of shame but you’ve shone a light on how to work through it. Goddess work indeed.
Thank you, Julia. I'm feeling intense shame and regret right now for a serious blunder I made -- failing to intervene in a situation that deeply hurt a loved one. I've forgotten just what a heavy hairshirt blanket shame can be. It's exhausting -- but I'm determined to keep stumbling along.
Jan, I understand all too well. And if I may: remorse might be a slightly different blanket to wear as opposed to shame. Remorse carries healing inside it; we recognize we screwed up, and we are deeply sorry. There is warmth in remorse for we own what we have done or failed to do; shame implies we are intrinsically bad. You and I are old enough to know the difference and wise enough to chose which to embody. One can inflict further damage to us, the other allows us to own a mistake and learn from it.
For what it's worth. We do stumble. It's inevitable. Wisdom, maybe, is knowing how and when we failed, and also that wearing shame for it isn't going to move us forward. I struggle with that, too.
Well said, Julia, and I deeply appreciate your perspective. Yes, what I'm really going through is remorse. It's no less painful than shame, but as you wisely point out, remorse contains healing. May it be.
I'll certainly hold that space. That's precisely what I feel when someone I care about calls me out about something stupid or selfish or thoughtless. It's also what I get to feel when I haven't stood up for myself when I needed to. It's healthy. No damned fun, but healthy, And there's that word, heal, in healthy.
Another wonderful, honest, in-depth and well-researched & thought provoking piece. Thanks Julia, none of us escapes from the feeling of shame but you’ve shone a light on how to work through it. Goddess work indeed.
and another thoughtful comment from you, who is always full of kind acknowledgement. Thank you, Amy.