That’s a harrowing story. The entire thing is based on selfish and self-centered doctors who don’t even see other people as human beings.
I went with my mother to see a knee specialist almost a decade ago. I went because the guy kept putting off her surgery, and I wanted to know why.
I almost had to carry mom in. She couldn’t push her walker the pain was so bad.
We get in there and the condescending jerk basically told her there was no point doing the surgery because she was old and didn’t need it for very long.
I don’t remember what exactly I said, but I spoke for about 5 minutes straight in a calm but angry voice until the guy was almost in tears and felt like the guilty little shit that he was.
She got her surgery the next month. Without that knee, mom would have stopped walking and that would have been it for her. She’s now 87 and really slowing down again. This time a knee won’t fix problems but at least she had a few more years to hang out with us.
Kids. Go advocate for your parents. Don’t let asshole doctors push them around.
Thank you for the mention. I remember Gary's response, and it's poignant, and it's clear he is an excellent advocate for his wife.
It was through self-advocacy, that I saved my life twice. The first was when I pointed out to a doctor that I found something on my regular monthly breast self-exam that a mammogram and another doctor missed. It was cancer. The second time I saved my life was getting a preventive double mastectomy with reconstruction because I had a habit of slipping through the medical cracks. I fired doctors who were not on board, and I hired a great medical team, one by one. Finally, my surgery took place, and biopsy results showed many precancerous cells in my supposedly non-cancer breast. I saved my life twice; no one else did that.
Our medical system is in a sad state. That people need to advocate for themselves so strongly is bad enough. The real quandary is that they have to become near medical professionals themselves in order to do so. I'm fortunate to be married to a former nurse, but that makes our situation the exception rather than the rule.
I will point out that there are advocates you can enlist. There are both not-for-profit (and hence overworked), and for profit (and hence pricey) resources. We engaged one for a friend of ours whose situation is beyond our ability to participate at the level needed. It's been an absolute godsend, and our friend is in a much better place for it. Ours is the for profit route, but I have a strong recommendation for anyone in the Seattle area. Absolutely love these people.
I have heard many different excuses from Drs over the last 20 years . Now that I have cancer , which was found after my cardio Dr had said I would need Aortic heart valve replaced again very soon was replaced first time in 2016 , Both drs are arguing n what should be taken care of first .I finally got them both in the same room and just said you to oncologist start your new treatment , to cardio you be ready to do surgery fast on heart . That was almost a year ago .Finally a month ago started treatment for cancer , The new treatment hasn't gone well and have been very sick from it , I haven't heard a word from cardio dr .All of this might of been avoided had my Gi dr who took over for a great GI dr would of done tests . My file stated needs upper gi once every 4 years lower once every two to three . that was before covid hit the states . Had one upper gi and no lower ones .To say i was way behind would be understatement . I know chances are I will die within a year but my advice to all on this . From many cardio patients I would hear in waiting room people saying don't think he is doing enough , than I would say get second opinion all would say he is to nice he might take it wrong . Get second opinions if you need it , if someone is willing to Advocate for you listen to them decide if they would be right for you . They need to be caring yet strong to Drs that aren't good or don't follow what other Drs have said they should do on your files . I have talked to a couple so far but they aren't right for me . Advocates can be hard to find which for me so far is true , Yet once you find one you can trust and believe in . They can help you more than you yourself can . Like others at cardio caring about your Drs doesn't help you , If they keep putting things off that are needed . An advocate wouldn't care about hurting drs feelings and would worry about your health and you . Please all be safe and careful . Hugs and good health to all . Great post Julia
So difficult to read, Mitch, and I am sorry your path has been so hard. Thank you for sharing this and for helping people understand why we need to plan for an advocate now. Not after we need one
Wow, TWO doctors who were lost to their own arrogance -- that's awful. In my experience, what you say is scary-true: even when you have your wishes clearly stated, when you're truly down and out, medically speaking, you need someone to fight like hell on your behalf. It's a tough thing to ask of your loved ones, but we all have to find the person with the spine to do the hard things and make the hard decisions when the time comes.
Thanks, Julia, for sharing my account of being my wife’s advocate. Today, regarding end of life planning, my primary physician asks once a year if I have completed my Five Wishes, checks a box, then changes to another unrelated topic. No suggestion to consider a health advocate. No reminders of the value of second opinions. Perhaps good advice doesn’t fit neatly into a proper billing code. Thanks for all you do, Julia.
That’s a harrowing story. The entire thing is based on selfish and self-centered doctors who don’t even see other people as human beings.
I went with my mother to see a knee specialist almost a decade ago. I went because the guy kept putting off her surgery, and I wanted to know why.
I almost had to carry mom in. She couldn’t push her walker the pain was so bad.
We get in there and the condescending jerk basically told her there was no point doing the surgery because she was old and didn’t need it for very long.
I don’t remember what exactly I said, but I spoke for about 5 minutes straight in a calm but angry voice until the guy was almost in tears and felt like the guilty little shit that he was.
She got her surgery the next month. Without that knee, mom would have stopped walking and that would have been it for her. She’s now 87 and really slowing down again. This time a knee won’t fix problems but at least she had a few more years to hang out with us.
Kids. Go advocate for your parents. Don’t let asshole doctors push them around.
that's awful. And when we have no kids we have to find people who care enough. Hard work, Tim.
Truth. We need to advocate for our loved ones. Tim, you did the right thing. Bully medical professionals unfortunately exist in great abundance.
Hi Julia,
Thank you for the mention. I remember Gary's response, and it's poignant, and it's clear he is an excellent advocate for his wife.
It was through self-advocacy, that I saved my life twice. The first was when I pointed out to a doctor that I found something on my regular monthly breast self-exam that a mammogram and another doctor missed. It was cancer. The second time I saved my life was getting a preventive double mastectomy with reconstruction because I had a habit of slipping through the medical cracks. I fired doctors who were not on board, and I hired a great medical team, one by one. Finally, my surgery took place, and biopsy results showed many precancerous cells in my supposedly non-cancer breast. I saved my life twice; no one else did that.
Our medical system is in a sad state. That people need to advocate for themselves so strongly is bad enough. The real quandary is that they have to become near medical professionals themselves in order to do so. I'm fortunate to be married to a former nurse, but that makes our situation the exception rather than the rule.
I will point out that there are advocates you can enlist. There are both not-for-profit (and hence overworked), and for profit (and hence pricey) resources. We engaged one for a friend of ours whose situation is beyond our ability to participate at the level needed. It's been an absolute godsend, and our friend is in a much better place for it. Ours is the for profit route, but I have a strong recommendation for anyone in the Seattle area. Absolutely love these people.
But they shouldn't be necessary. Not at all.
I bet we have the same down here. Right now I have an advocate, I hope they don't move out of state! Thanks for this, Leo.
I have heard many different excuses from Drs over the last 20 years . Now that I have cancer , which was found after my cardio Dr had said I would need Aortic heart valve replaced again very soon was replaced first time in 2016 , Both drs are arguing n what should be taken care of first .I finally got them both in the same room and just said you to oncologist start your new treatment , to cardio you be ready to do surgery fast on heart . That was almost a year ago .Finally a month ago started treatment for cancer , The new treatment hasn't gone well and have been very sick from it , I haven't heard a word from cardio dr .All of this might of been avoided had my Gi dr who took over for a great GI dr would of done tests . My file stated needs upper gi once every 4 years lower once every two to three . that was before covid hit the states . Had one upper gi and no lower ones .To say i was way behind would be understatement . I know chances are I will die within a year but my advice to all on this . From many cardio patients I would hear in waiting room people saying don't think he is doing enough , than I would say get second opinion all would say he is to nice he might take it wrong . Get second opinions if you need it , if someone is willing to Advocate for you listen to them decide if they would be right for you . They need to be caring yet strong to Drs that aren't good or don't follow what other Drs have said they should do on your files . I have talked to a couple so far but they aren't right for me . Advocates can be hard to find which for me so far is true , Yet once you find one you can trust and believe in . They can help you more than you yourself can . Like others at cardio caring about your Drs doesn't help you , If they keep putting things off that are needed . An advocate wouldn't care about hurting drs feelings and would worry about your health and you . Please all be safe and careful . Hugs and good health to all . Great post Julia
So difficult to read, Mitch, and I am sorry your path has been so hard. Thank you for sharing this and for helping people understand why we need to plan for an advocate now. Not after we need one
Wow, TWO doctors who were lost to their own arrogance -- that's awful. In my experience, what you say is scary-true: even when you have your wishes clearly stated, when you're truly down and out, medically speaking, you need someone to fight like hell on your behalf. It's a tough thing to ask of your loved ones, but we all have to find the person with the spine to do the hard things and make the hard decisions when the time comes.
Thanks, Julia, for sharing my account of being my wife’s advocate. Today, regarding end of life planning, my primary physician asks once a year if I have completed my Five Wishes, checks a box, then changes to another unrelated topic. No suggestion to consider a health advocate. No reminders of the value of second opinions. Perhaps good advice doesn’t fit neatly into a proper billing code. Thanks for all you do, Julia.