Oh, I think I want to frame this! And also Jody Day's piece, which I read the other day and wanted to comment on, and never did yesterday because I had to make myself look presentable (LOL!) to go to a wedding! I'm 62, and I do still wear a little makeup, because I like to see my eyes with a little mascara and my cheeks a little blustered. But when I see so many of these beautiful young girls doing goodness knows what to their faces and bodies when they all look amazing it makes me sad. But then I never thought I was particularly pretty when I was young, and now when I see my photos I wish I'd known...but then it doesn't matter, really, because I'm having far more fun now, feel far more confident with my cellulite and saggy bits than I did when everything was high and toned. I do wish I still had the same abilities to do things that I loved so much, but that doing them while being hypermobile eventually meant I had to stop. But I love doing other things, and am so lucky that I have the possibility to do them. Rambling a bit here, but yes to Judy Dench! Who looks a lot like my mama! xx
It's such an honour when a sister-substacker takes one of my pieces and uses it to inspire their own, bloody brilliant piece! So many gems here Julia, and absolutely, nobody's referring to Judy Dench, only ever to Helen Mirren...
Jody I loved your piece yesterday and meant to comment, now this amazing essay and I must chime in! I never wanted children and have no regrets there, but can relate to all the rest. I’m 67 and the years since my hormones quit crying for male attention have been PURE BLISS!! Thank you both for beautiful writing about this aging thing. ❤️❤️❤️
There are so many aspects of this essay that I resonate with. I laughed when you write about your mom telling you not to frown. My mom told me exactly the same! I remember telling her recently how my wrinkles and gray hair is hard earned and they convey wisdom. I always have trouble getting people to take me seriously because I look younger than my actual age. So I guard signs of aging vehemently!
You know, after my traumatic betrayal experience, and having communicated with a big group of betrayed women, I've come to realize how futile it is to chase after the male gaze. If a man cheats repeatedly, there's nothing one can do to ameliorate one's appearance that would get him to stop chasing other younger women. The problem is never us not being young or pretty enough. It's an issue of male entitlement, period. I feel so liberated now that I'm no longer concerned about the male gaze and pleasing men. When you live for yourself, aging no longer presents a problem in the context of how we look in others' eyes.
That’s an immensely hard-earned lesson, Louisa. We can never be enough when men feel they are entitled to any and all women they want. That sets us off into a never-ending cycle of trying to please. WE are the prize. Period.
Absolutely! Until we realize we are the prize and we don't have to bend ourselves into a pretzel or change our body to please men, we'd be trapped in the hampster wheel or fish bowl of male gaze.
Goddess days is such truth. Great article which women, of all ages, should read and think about. ♥️. Just remember, age is something we can’t do anything about. We CAN live it to the fullest though!
Oh, I think I want to frame this! And also Jody Day's piece, which I read the other day and wanted to comment on, and never did yesterday because I had to make myself look presentable (LOL!) to go to a wedding! I'm 62, and I do still wear a little makeup, because I like to see my eyes with a little mascara and my cheeks a little blustered. But when I see so many of these beautiful young girls doing goodness knows what to their faces and bodies when they all look amazing it makes me sad. But then I never thought I was particularly pretty when I was young, and now when I see my photos I wish I'd known...but then it doesn't matter, really, because I'm having far more fun now, feel far more confident with my cellulite and saggy bits than I did when everything was high and toned. I do wish I still had the same abilities to do things that I loved so much, but that doing them while being hypermobile eventually meant I had to stop. But I love doing other things, and am so lucky that I have the possibility to do them. Rambling a bit here, but yes to Judy Dench! Who looks a lot like my mama! xx
Thanks so much, Francesca. I love all the truth here.
It's such an honour when a sister-substacker takes one of my pieces and uses it to inspire their own, bloody brilliant piece! So many gems here Julia, and absolutely, nobody's referring to Judy Dench, only ever to Helen Mirren...
Jody I loved your piece yesterday and meant to comment, now this amazing essay and I must chime in! I never wanted children and have no regrets there, but can relate to all the rest. I’m 67 and the years since my hormones quit crying for male attention have been PURE BLISS!! Thank you both for beautiful writing about this aging thing. ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks Jody., We are all inspired by each other and when we lift each other we all rise.
And Dench DOES indeed get better and better! Did anyone see her recite Shakespeare off the cuff on Graham Norton? Absolutely masterful.
I love her. Anyone who can win an Oscar for just a few moments on screen (Shakespeare in Love) well....
There are so many aspects of this essay that I resonate with. I laughed when you write about your mom telling you not to frown. My mom told me exactly the same! I remember telling her recently how my wrinkles and gray hair is hard earned and they convey wisdom. I always have trouble getting people to take me seriously because I look younger than my actual age. So I guard signs of aging vehemently!
You know, after my traumatic betrayal experience, and having communicated with a big group of betrayed women, I've come to realize how futile it is to chase after the male gaze. If a man cheats repeatedly, there's nothing one can do to ameliorate one's appearance that would get him to stop chasing other younger women. The problem is never us not being young or pretty enough. It's an issue of male entitlement, period. I feel so liberated now that I'm no longer concerned about the male gaze and pleasing men. When you live for yourself, aging no longer presents a problem in the context of how we look in others' eyes.
That’s an immensely hard-earned lesson, Louisa. We can never be enough when men feel they are entitled to any and all women they want. That sets us off into a never-ending cycle of trying to please. WE are the prize. Period.
Absolutely! Until we realize we are the prize and we don't have to bend ourselves into a pretzel or change our body to please men, we'd be trapped in the hampster wheel or fish bowl of male gaze.
All too true. I’ve been there, and it’s thankless.
Gosh! It IS thankless!
P.S. I noticed a typo in my original comment ("betrayer" women). It should've been "betrayed" women. Big difference!!! Just corrected it ;-)
I saw that and wondered but I figured you'd clarify. Thanks!
This was the first time I made a typo with a one-letter difference that turned the meaning upside down! LOL!
Goddess days is such truth. Great article which women, of all ages, should read and think about. ♥️. Just remember, age is something we can’t do anything about. We CAN live it to the fullest though!
That’s so very true Bonnie, we can live to the fullest especially when we change what we care about. Thanks for the very kind words.
I’m 71. I get what you write!
I am too, Elizabeth. It's a fun age!