Ah. We are mortals with soft animal bodies designed to intentionally fail. We have an expiration date. What are we going to do with our one precious life?
I’m 61 next week and my spine, according to my orthopedist, is 80. My mom lived yo 95… as did her mom and I’m terrified less of aging per se but more of the pain I have very day that’s getting worse. I go to PT, I try other things like traction, I’m trying to avoid spine fusion in so many places.
This hit home for me. I want a plan forward for my entire body and soul. Where is that sold?
I want to answer your question. Where is what sold? The book? If so, on Amazon, but I’m not sure that’s going to help with your spine. I’m no doctor but everything I’ve read says that spinal surgery doesn’t work- and that’s a lot of pain for no relief. But please, do your due diligence!
I want a plan forward. Who can sell me a custom plan that doesn’t involve running marathons because that’s not a thing.
Whenever I go to Pilates class, they don’t know what to do with me because my back is so messed up.
Whenever I go to a gym, nobody wants to touch me because my back is so messed up.
I’m going to a spine specialized gym and it’s getting worse.
And every time I go back to my orthopedic guy he says oh but look at the giant space you have in your canal and everything is fine, blah blah blah blah, so explain to me why exactly it hurts dude because this is not sustainable…
I had to give up riding.. my I love this… my sanity… because my back can no longer tolerate it.
I can’t find any substitute because I can’t ride a bike. Because my back.
I’m sorry I’m incredibly frustrated and I have zero answers. I read the book “Crooked” and it’s horrifying. But all the alternatives cause me more pain.
Beautifully stated! I’m 76 years old and although on some days I wonder how this happened most of the time I’m grateful to be alive and kicking! (Maybe not so much kicking these days!) Both of my parents died young and I’ve outlasted many close friends and family members. So I have to admit I’ve nothing to complain about considering the grand scheme of life! Here’s to many more years for all of us!
Elayne, I just finished that book, too. And while I always have a moment when an author, especially a doctor, finishes his book with a slew of products and people and stuff he recommends....we'll see.. the rest of his book tracks completely. I've got work to do.
Such an important topic! Thank you for writing about it. May I also recommend Debra Benfield's "Aging with Body Liberation" - https://www.debrabenfield.com/home
I’ve been reading “The Body Keeps the Score “ in small doses, interspersed with a lot of fiction, which is how I read most nonfiction. Read into that what you will. 😉. I don’t think I’ve ever considered that my body betrayed me. I’ve always been interested in health and physiology and have dealt with chronic gut and back pain since my late 20’s. My go-to message always is “I’m breathing and above ground, my dogs are with me and life is good.” I’m not quite that much sunshine, but pain is a good reason for a recliner, a heating pad and a good book.
I love the reminder that we have been given the gift of aging. I hope that soon I’ll be able to age upright once again, and? I’m grateful to still be around.
While I get that people are annoyed about toxic gratitude, by the time life has body slammed you hard enough, you get why gratitude is so important. Thanks Teyani.
As an addict in recovery who has had more than her fair share of bad decisions and bullets barely dodged, I’m very aware that at 67, this is all gravy. The gall bladder attack & surgery, neuropathy, Osteonecrosis, floaters, beginning of hearing loss and the list goes on. If life was fair I’d have died over 40 years ago. Nothing but gratitude for the opportunity to get old and curmudgeonly.
Thank you! I accept my "mommy tummy" . Giving birth to a child is a gift! It's a gift I didn't think I'd have many would love to see what I call mommy tummy and a c section scar. I do feel like my body betrayed me with osteoarthrosis of the knees. I had an active life until I didn't. For myself there was little warning, I think that's what stings the most. I thought I'd be running again in a few days, but it never happened. Never again. I know others have it worse. If I were 20 years older I'd except it. Not at 54 living a healthy lifestyle
I could say why me, or why not me? I had to make life changes including cutting back on my pet sitting business and doing more administrative work. I've discovered writing again
I do feel betrayed when being on my feet an hour (or less) my knees swell. That sucks. It's grief and somedays I still haven't accepted it
I get the pain, Jane. When my feet wouldn't work at all I wondered, as we all do at such times, what was even available any more.
I'm three years away from 74 and completely committed to a healthy and active lifestyle. It has zero to do with age, everything to do with agency and attitude, but that's my take, and it doesn't make me right.
What I suggest is to ask a different question. I am not likely- at this point- to distance run again. What else can I do? Lots and lots and lots. Many runners have injuries which sideline them forever, and something else takes its place. It's never easy especially if we're good at what we love. I've had to shift to different sports, rafting, which don't require perfect feet. I am loving it. And I can still ride horses, which is my first love. I cannot, however, ride the spiciest animal in the stable any more. None of this may be relevant to you, perhaps something is.
I am not trying to be Pollyanna here. I do get the grief. I shouldered my share for the last six years and am just starting to come back in full, but with provisos. There are so many other ways to be active, and I believe that part of the journey is to keep asking good questions about what's possible. For what it's worth.
Oh and shoulder tendonitis and that takes away upper body exercises, like that handstands I was doing and certain yoga. With my shoulder know rowing or rafting either. Going to try to fight for knee replacement. Yes I'm complaining because it sucks! I lost half of my income due to restructuring my pet sitting business due to injuries. My husband has an autoimmune disease and in constant pain. So no silver lining here. The more I type the more it sucks. It sucks now and I'm going to sit with it. I keep hitting walls
While it sounds trite, I do understand. I've been through three shoulder surgeries, two foot reconstructions, my entire business tanked and I lost my income, then four hand surgeries and I lost dexterity and much of the use of my right thumb, I could go on. I really do understand. I have a stack of PT exercises the size of a dictionary and it just never ends. If I did all of them as directed I'd have no life. I live in constant pain with my feet, and last year I broke my hip because I couldn't feel my feet. I really do get it. Sometimes it does suck, sometimes it's awful. And at those times I have to redirect what I'm looking at and how I'm looking at it. It IS hard.
It's so hard when you see your own business crumble especially when you were on top and felt invincible and it was your baby. My business is still here. I have help. A part of me dies when I have to pass on jobs to more able younger pet sitter that I am thankful to have on my team. Working 24/7 wasn't the answer. It gave me worth. It was exhilaration at first. It's not sustainable. I'm watching from the sidelines and I work on instead of in the businesses. In it is where my heart is
I am doing pt exercises, daily. I am more toned that I have been in years. I'd love to swim. We have 4 seasons here and I can afford the only indoor pool in town
Most people don't bother to see others' struggles, Jane, and that's one of our challenges. We know what we're carrying. Someone slammed the phone down on me the other day because I was a bit short tempered; I'd been up all night with a sick dog and plenty more, and she didn't give a damn. Most people don't. We're not allowed to express our pain because that's more burden for others to carry. For the most part folks don't want to know. That makes it at times a lonely road.
Thanks Julia. I really appreciate your perspective. The good news is we die, but I am with you that we can stay involved and active until the time arrives. For the what it is worth department, I often have conversations with my body parts that might be struggling..."how are you doing?" .."tell me what is going on with this pain"..."do you need me to do anything?" I think we underestimate the specificity of consciousness.
Julia, wow. Thank you so much for sharing my story. I so appreciate your kind words. There are some things I can no longer do, but I focus on what I can do. And there is a lot I can do. Thanks again, and I'm so glad you and I are in the game!
These are excellent points Julia. It is so important to love our bodies no matter what is being thrown at them, they are our human transport mechanism that deserve our utmost respect. As a chiropractor for the past thirty years I am often saddened by folks to seems to live just outside of their bodies (although I know there are many reasons for this and some simply cannot live inside their body due to their history). I appreciate you pointing out the way Beth pivoted after facing a very difficult situation vs your old chiro who could not do that. This was a great way to make your point.
Hi Donna, this is Beth. I so appreciate your words. I admit it isn't easy to forge a life after a devastating disease and its aftermath. But life has, indeed, been a gift to me, and I don't take it for granted.
No, when I saw it I thought, well other than the stretch marks her skin still looks really good. But I notice people's skin more the older I get (male and female) because mine is a mess from spending summers as a beach bum when I was young. I see a 74 year old acupuncturist (originally a Chinese MD), his skin is PRISTINE. Probably never spent more than 5 minutes outside... the bum!
This was wonderful. I thank G-d every day for waking up. What’s sad is the number of young people having health issues including my 27 year old daughter. There are many articles about this subject. Doctors are in shock by the number of 30 year olds with cancer. To me, it’s toxins in the environment, commercial farming, processed foods… My 87 year old mother has never had the issues that young people face today.
I am sadly aware of the toxins/microplastics issue, CK, but to take that on is a whole other massive article. Duly noted. I am at times very disheartened about the factors we can't control, like wildfire smoke.
I spent the majority of my life with the body of the Pillsbury Doughboy. By the time I reached my 50s the crippling allergies I'd had since 18 months of age were taking a toll, and my joints were beginning to constantly remind me that I was becoming an old man. Like many, I tried to find the magic supplement, the elixir that would solve all my issues. It wasn't until retirement that I had the time to do some serious research, as well as experimenting. That led me to discover that virtually all the damage done to my body was originating in the grocery store. It wasn't just the sugar-laden food (Pepsi generation my @ss!), but the seed oils that are found in nearly everything, including bottles labeled "heart healthy". Yes, the wrinkles are aplenty, the stretch marks reminders of 60 pounds lost, and thinning hair that is increasingly plentiful in my ears and nose. I've learned that the only supplements are found in food, and I never buy anything until I've noted all the ingredients. My body has forgiven me for a multitude of sins, and at 76 I feel the best I've ever felt. Birthdays have transitioned from grim reminders to achievements. In the video game of life I'm always looking to level up!
I love this Jim. As always so well said. When we take the time to question what we're ingesting, our bodies so appreciate the gift of better nutrition.
Julia, I continue to love what you have to say. And I want to add a point: at 78, I’ve had four vertebral fractures in the last four months. I’m finally beginning to do strength building again, but that’s a lot of setbacks! And now I’m in a body I’ve never had before. All I can say is aging can also feel terribly bewildering. I watched this with my dad as he aged, and now I’m experiencing it myself: whose body is this? It’s not the one I’m used to?… I don’t think of the bewilderment as betrayal, but it’s not hard to see how people get there.
I love "bewildering." As I get my painful feet to do more, I can relate. They used to do X, now what on earth? I get it. However, it's the new normal, like it or not.
I have "The Body Keeps the Score" on my go-to book shelf — it's one of those books that, once you read it, you can't lapse back into ignorance of its lessons. Ultimately, the feeling of being betrayed by your body comes from over-identification with your physical form and the insane desire to have it attain some standard and then NEVER change. That ain't life.
Ah. We are mortals with soft animal bodies designed to intentionally fail. We have an expiration date. What are we going to do with our one precious life?
I’m 61 next week and my spine, according to my orthopedist, is 80. My mom lived yo 95… as did her mom and I’m terrified less of aging per se but more of the pain I have very day that’s getting worse. I go to PT, I try other things like traction, I’m trying to avoid spine fusion in so many places.
This hit home for me. I want a plan forward for my entire body and soul. Where is that sold?
I want to answer your question. Where is what sold? The book? If so, on Amazon, but I’m not sure that’s going to help with your spine. I’m no doctor but everything I’ve read says that spinal surgery doesn’t work- and that’s a lot of pain for no relief. But please, do your due diligence!
I want a plan forward. Who can sell me a custom plan that doesn’t involve running marathons because that’s not a thing.
Whenever I go to Pilates class, they don’t know what to do with me because my back is so messed up.
Whenever I go to a gym, nobody wants to touch me because my back is so messed up.
I’m going to a spine specialized gym and it’s getting worse.
And every time I go back to my orthopedic guy he says oh but look at the giant space you have in your canal and everything is fine, blah blah blah blah, so explain to me why exactly it hurts dude because this is not sustainable…
I had to give up riding.. my I love this… my sanity… because my back can no longer tolerate it.
I can’t find any substitute because I can’t ride a bike. Because my back.
I’m sorry I’m incredibly frustrated and I have zero answers. I read the book “Crooked” and it’s horrifying. But all the alternatives cause me more pain.
I’ll never do it. But I’m running out of other options.
Beautifully stated! I’m 76 years old and although on some days I wonder how this happened most of the time I’m grateful to be alive and kicking! (Maybe not so much kicking these days!) Both of my parents died young and I’ve outlasted many close friends and family members. So I have to admit I’ve nothing to complain about considering the grand scheme of life! Here’s to many more years for all of us!
Elayne, I just finished that book, too. And while I always have a moment when an author, especially a doctor, finishes his book with a slew of products and people and stuff he recommends....we'll see.. the rest of his book tracks completely. I've got work to do.
Such an important topic! Thank you for writing about it. May I also recommend Debra Benfield's "Aging with Body Liberation" - https://www.debrabenfield.com/home
Deb was recently interviewed by Virginia Sole-Smith here on Substack too. https://virginiasolesmith.substack.com/p/debra-benfield-pro-aging
Thanks Stella.
And here's an essay from my blog: https://stellafosse.com/4-ways-you-can-be-fit-old-and-fat/
I’ve been reading “The Body Keeps the Score “ in small doses, interspersed with a lot of fiction, which is how I read most nonfiction. Read into that what you will. 😉. I don’t think I’ve ever considered that my body betrayed me. I’ve always been interested in health and physiology and have dealt with chronic gut and back pain since my late 20’s. My go-to message always is “I’m breathing and above ground, my dogs are with me and life is good.” I’m not quite that much sunshine, but pain is a good reason for a recliner, a heating pad and a good book.
Well said, Paula. I so get how so many of us are dealing with something significant but also how differently we all deal with our travails.
I love the reminder that we have been given the gift of aging. I hope that soon I’ll be able to age upright once again, and? I’m grateful to still be around.
While I get that people are annoyed about toxic gratitude, by the time life has body slammed you hard enough, you get why gratitude is so important. Thanks Teyani.
As an addict in recovery who has had more than her fair share of bad decisions and bullets barely dodged, I’m very aware that at 67, this is all gravy. The gall bladder attack & surgery, neuropathy, Osteonecrosis, floaters, beginning of hearing loss and the list goes on. If life was fair I’d have died over 40 years ago. Nothing but gratitude for the opportunity to get old and curmudgeonly.
The damn floaters!?
Age conveys perspective like nothing else, Jodi. I've got a quote from you as well, haven't forgotten.
Exactly!
Thank you! I accept my "mommy tummy" . Giving birth to a child is a gift! It's a gift I didn't think I'd have many would love to see what I call mommy tummy and a c section scar. I do feel like my body betrayed me with osteoarthrosis of the knees. I had an active life until I didn't. For myself there was little warning, I think that's what stings the most. I thought I'd be running again in a few days, but it never happened. Never again. I know others have it worse. If I were 20 years older I'd except it. Not at 54 living a healthy lifestyle
I could say why me, or why not me? I had to make life changes including cutting back on my pet sitting business and doing more administrative work. I've discovered writing again
I do feel betrayed when being on my feet an hour (or less) my knees swell. That sucks. It's grief and somedays I still haven't accepted it
I get the pain, Jane. When my feet wouldn't work at all I wondered, as we all do at such times, what was even available any more.
I'm three years away from 74 and completely committed to a healthy and active lifestyle. It has zero to do with age, everything to do with agency and attitude, but that's my take, and it doesn't make me right.
What I suggest is to ask a different question. I am not likely- at this point- to distance run again. What else can I do? Lots and lots and lots. Many runners have injuries which sideline them forever, and something else takes its place. It's never easy especially if we're good at what we love. I've had to shift to different sports, rafting, which don't require perfect feet. I am loving it. And I can still ride horses, which is my first love. I cannot, however, ride the spiciest animal in the stable any more. None of this may be relevant to you, perhaps something is.
I am not trying to be Pollyanna here. I do get the grief. I shouldered my share for the last six years and am just starting to come back in full, but with provisos. There are so many other ways to be active, and I believe that part of the journey is to keep asking good questions about what's possible. For what it's worth.
Oh and shoulder tendonitis and that takes away upper body exercises, like that handstands I was doing and certain yoga. With my shoulder know rowing or rafting either. Going to try to fight for knee replacement. Yes I'm complaining because it sucks! I lost half of my income due to restructuring my pet sitting business due to injuries. My husband has an autoimmune disease and in constant pain. So no silver lining here. The more I type the more it sucks. It sucks now and I'm going to sit with it. I keep hitting walls
While it sounds trite, I do understand. I've been through three shoulder surgeries, two foot reconstructions, my entire business tanked and I lost my income, then four hand surgeries and I lost dexterity and much of the use of my right thumb, I could go on. I really do understand. I have a stack of PT exercises the size of a dictionary and it just never ends. If I did all of them as directed I'd have no life. I live in constant pain with my feet, and last year I broke my hip because I couldn't feel my feet. I really do get it. Sometimes it does suck, sometimes it's awful. And at those times I have to redirect what I'm looking at and how I'm looking at it. It IS hard.
It's so hard when you see your own business crumble especially when you were on top and felt invincible and it was your baby. My business is still here. I have help. A part of me dies when I have to pass on jobs to more able younger pet sitter that I am thankful to have on my team. Working 24/7 wasn't the answer. It gave me worth. It was exhilaration at first. It's not sustainable. I'm watching from the sidelines and I work on instead of in the businesses. In it is where my heart is
I am doing pt exercises, daily. I am more toned that I have been in years. I'd love to swim. We have 4 seasons here and I can afford the only indoor pool in town
I have zero doubts about you Jane. I know you are juggling some big things, but I have zero doubts about what you can do.
I'm doing that. And I look very fit for 55. I look healthy but no one sees my struggles
Most people don't bother to see others' struggles, Jane, and that's one of our challenges. We know what we're carrying. Someone slammed the phone down on me the other day because I was a bit short tempered; I'd been up all night with a sick dog and plenty more, and she didn't give a damn. Most people don't. We're not allowed to express our pain because that's more burden for others to carry. For the most part folks don't want to know. That makes it at times a lonely road.
It does make it lonely. We are human and it doesn't make it easier. Hugs
Thanks Julia. I really appreciate your perspective. The good news is we die, but I am with you that we can stay involved and active until the time arrives. For the what it is worth department, I often have conversations with my body parts that might be struggling..."how are you doing?" .."tell me what is going on with this pain"..."do you need me to do anything?" I think we underestimate the specificity of consciousness.
This is really potent. When we ask what we fear what it needs to teach us, we get interesting answers!
Julia, wow. Thank you so much for sharing my story. I so appreciate your kind words. There are some things I can no longer do, but I focus on what I can do. And there is a lot I can do. Thanks again, and I'm so glad you and I are in the game!
It's a powerful statement Beth. I love sharing storise that move people's lives. And yes! In the game!
These are excellent points Julia. It is so important to love our bodies no matter what is being thrown at them, they are our human transport mechanism that deserve our utmost respect. As a chiropractor for the past thirty years I am often saddened by folks to seems to live just outside of their bodies (although I know there are many reasons for this and some simply cannot live inside their body due to their history). I appreciate you pointing out the way Beth pivoted after facing a very difficult situation vs your old chiro who could not do that. This was a great way to make your point.
I knew you'd appreciate this Donna! So many of us do live "OUTSIDE" our bodies, so disconnected, yet still attached. What a great way to describe it.
Hi Donna, this is Beth. I so appreciate your words. I admit it isn't easy to forge a life after a devastating disease and its aftermath. But life has, indeed, been a gift to me, and I don't take it for granted.
"Did the above photo offend you? "
No, when I saw it I thought, well other than the stretch marks her skin still looks really good. But I notice people's skin more the older I get (male and female) because mine is a mess from spending summers as a beach bum when I was young. I see a 74 year old acupuncturist (originally a Chinese MD), his skin is PRISTINE. Probably never spent more than 5 minutes outside... the bum!
C'est la vie
I fried my skin as a youngster in Florida, and boy...the price. I have to get pre-cancerous cells removed every six months. Oy, our dumb selves!
Yup, similarly in Texas. Currently healing a 10 stitch scar on my left arm from carcinoma removal.
This was wonderful. I thank G-d every day for waking up. What’s sad is the number of young people having health issues including my 27 year old daughter. There are many articles about this subject. Doctors are in shock by the number of 30 year olds with cancer. To me, it’s toxins in the environment, commercial farming, processed foods… My 87 year old mother has never had the issues that young people face today.
I am sadly aware of the toxins/microplastics issue, CK, but to take that on is a whole other massive article. Duly noted. I am at times very disheartened about the factors we can't control, like wildfire smoke.
Ugh. That too.
I spent the majority of my life with the body of the Pillsbury Doughboy. By the time I reached my 50s the crippling allergies I'd had since 18 months of age were taking a toll, and my joints were beginning to constantly remind me that I was becoming an old man. Like many, I tried to find the magic supplement, the elixir that would solve all my issues. It wasn't until retirement that I had the time to do some serious research, as well as experimenting. That led me to discover that virtually all the damage done to my body was originating in the grocery store. It wasn't just the sugar-laden food (Pepsi generation my @ss!), but the seed oils that are found in nearly everything, including bottles labeled "heart healthy". Yes, the wrinkles are aplenty, the stretch marks reminders of 60 pounds lost, and thinning hair that is increasingly plentiful in my ears and nose. I've learned that the only supplements are found in food, and I never buy anything until I've noted all the ingredients. My body has forgiven me for a multitude of sins, and at 76 I feel the best I've ever felt. Birthdays have transitioned from grim reminders to achievements. In the video game of life I'm always looking to level up!
I love this Jim. As always so well said. When we take the time to question what we're ingesting, our bodies so appreciate the gift of better nutrition.
Julia, I continue to love what you have to say. And I want to add a point: at 78, I’ve had four vertebral fractures in the last four months. I’m finally beginning to do strength building again, but that’s a lot of setbacks! And now I’m in a body I’ve never had before. All I can say is aging can also feel terribly bewildering. I watched this with my dad as he aged, and now I’m experiencing it myself: whose body is this? It’s not the one I’m used to?… I don’t think of the bewilderment as betrayal, but it’s not hard to see how people get there.
I love "bewildering." As I get my painful feet to do more, I can relate. They used to do X, now what on earth? I get it. However, it's the new normal, like it or not.
I have "The Body Keeps the Score" on my go-to book shelf — it's one of those books that, once you read it, you can't lapse back into ignorance of its lessons. Ultimately, the feeling of being betrayed by your body comes from over-identification with your physical form and the insane desire to have it attain some standard and then NEVER change. That ain't life.
I've also read and own The Body Keeps the Score. Such an outstanding, eye-opening book.