I am finishing up Democracy Awakening by Heather Cox Richardson, and in the last section, she reminds the reader that grievances around new people, migration, and the place have a long history in Europe and were carried over to America with the colonists. Recently, in my rural community FB group with 600 members, a resident complained about the urban folks who "colonized" the area in the last 20 years, only to be forced to confess that he moved here from somewhere else, 25 years ago.
Complaining and bellyaching are choices that become habits. But I agree that grievance has become the cultural norm thanks to social media and political players.
We don't want to be seen as an "other." Interesting how many Venezuelans voted for Trump to keep (poorer, darker) Venezuelans from gaining access to American lives. Increasingly I have zero patience for this. If we ask who stands to gain when we are pushed to gripe about others, we can push back. But not if we are willingly manipulated to hate our neighbors for the crime of moving in next door. Holy crap. She's brilliant, BTW.
I liked it better when our town of Katy, Texas had miles and miles of rice fields and the geese and ducks came every year to feed on them. All those rice fields are gone now, the beautiful open areas are now filled with homes. Do I miss the rice fields? Yes. Am I furious at those people who moved to this area and needed homes. No, of course not. How can I be? I'm a damned Yankee myself. That's a Yankee who moved down here from up north and had the temerity to stay! I laugh about it but 40 years ago when we moved from Illinois down here to go to college, there were plenty of "native" Texans who were outraged by us coming.
Like you, I have many memories of lovely little towns across the country that are gone now. They have grown into larger towns with Walmart's and bad traffic. You can't drag them back to the way you liked them better and would you really want to if you could? I doubt it.
I had to stop making myself crazy with anger about the election and the fact that that crazy-ass lunatic will be president. I can't stew in the anger and resentment when we will all need our wits about us to react and respond to what may or may not be coming. Many of our friends and family will need protection. In the meantime, I need to laugh and enjoy and be giddy and happy and most of all grateful for what I have and for what has made me strong for having to face.
Hugs to Mika and please have a wonderful Christmas.
That is it in a nutshell, so typical of you Penny. As always, thanks. I know Katy, I drove through there once and was struck by so much new housing. To your point. We truly are ridiculous with our arrogances and our feelings of ownership and superiority. Mika says thank you, BTW.
This article hits home for me. I recently moved from NY to FL and have not felt welcome at all. Local Facebook pages are full of comments telling me to go back where I came from, etc. I’m stubborn Irish and I’m staying just to piss them off.😂
Sharon, as native born Floridian, I know that feeling of both being in a state that gets "invaded" and doing the "invading" myself. The fact that we even use such terms speaks to our assholery. Piss 'em off. I'm part Irish meself.
Best article, Julia! I am frustrated too with the “poor me” rants on social media. Whether it’s Substack or Blue Sky, it’s not necessary to whine about everyone else. That is Trumpism. I won’t be able to pay for your stack, but I love and appreciate your philosophy because I feel likewise!
You have asked a lot of thought-provoking questions in this piece. I hope that many of your readers will let those questions percolate, so to speak, into their souls.
What you are addressing with these questions, is a spiritual crisis in our nation, without calling it that...maybe that spiritual crisis has been with us for some time (decades?) when our dominance on the world stage, post WWII became a part of our nation's consciousness. I like to call it a form of arrogance. Arrogance can be a defense mechanism; a mechanism that shields the person (and nation) from looking deep within and examining the demons (negative emotions) that lurk there.
RE: "Is this who we have become now, the richest nation on Earth, full of whiners and complainers? What’s so great about all that? I am directing that to all of us, irrespective of yard sign."
I'm putting on my former psychology faculty hat now, in answering the question with a resounding "yes." It's a "yes" because of what the late Dr. Albert Bandura dubbed modelling (not the Paris runway type) or "observational learning." Another way of putting it is what children like to say: "monkey see monkey do."
Observational learning is how we learn norms, language, what to say when, what NOT to say so that another's feelings aren't hurt (example: grandma, this soup tastes terrible), what to wear in different contexts, etc.
What Bandura's research studies pointed out in the 1960's was the power of observational learning when a perceived authority figure engages in behavior that breaks norms. If an authority figure engages in inappropriate behavior (hitting, for example, by a teacher or a parent), that authority figure is providing IMPLICIT permission to do likewise...and the behavior is repeated with abandon. Bandura's Bobo Doll experiments with children is where it all started in his research laboratory.
So, now I ask this: Who has been the Whiner in Chief for the past 8 years?? Who has been especially mean with tweets in the last 8 years? Do I need to say his name? It's the Drumf Effect...observational learning writ large. He's given many people, especially men, permission to become an a-hat just like him. And "no," I am not whining about the man who should not have an opportunity to despoil the White House for the next 4 years. It's just a professional observation, as a psychologist who has been trained to see behaviors through a particular lens.
The point writ large, Linda. I've been blocking all manner of trolls who came out of the wordwork because of how the pumpkin empowered and modelled the worst in us all. I am indeed addressing the much larger point. Lots of layers in this, and so fascinating how people will pick a particular point and get into the weeds arguing about some aspect of these stories that has nothing at all to do with the overarching message. I have no control over that but it sure is a symptom of where we are. Thanks so much for a thoughtful answer .
You’re right, this feeling that we own a place and the newcomers are the interlopers. There are arguments in my little community about all the northern drivers coming here and causing accidents. I have yet to determine how you tell a southern car from a northern car!
As always, you've called us all out, to something that's way overdue to having the blankets flung away so we can all see. We've all been guilty of doing this in some way, I think.
On another note, I just went to upgrade to paid but something is wrong with the system and it's declining the credit card, both on phone app and here on computer. When I called the credit card company they had me try it while on the phone with them and it never showed up on their end, so something here, perhaps?
Thank you Nina and thanks for the support. I have no clue what's up with the system but you're not on the only one having issues. I so appreciate the effort.
This is very curious to me as I see myself in this, but in a different way.
I live on a tiny barrier island in Florida. A decent baseball player could hit a ball from water to water.
It’s completely unsustainable.
When I moved here seven years ago, it was still a quiet community. Not too many houses, we were humble people…living the last refuge of old time Florida beachy lifestyle.
Then the vacant lots started selling…..to people with zero sense of what made this tiny community fabulous. Huge brightly lit houses. Houses where they raised the land up several feet to accommodate flooding instead of building on stilts like the old timers did/do.
These are fellow Americans…not immigrants, but it feels the same.
It feels exactly the same as being invaded by a class & culture so different that it’s jarring: We like the streetlights off so we can see the stars at night. We like the quiet that the trees you’ve destroyed gave us. We like the turtles you’ve run over and the bald eagles you’ve displaced.
Nothing ever stays the same, but it was a beautiful five years of perfect ocean bliss while it lasted.
I’ve stayed two years too long.
I no longer want to live in this projected anger at something/someone I cannot stop. It’s not my island, not my place anymore. Let it be.
I just left a Christmas Card in the mailbox of the insulting realtor who with his 30-something gf moved into the raised land house across the street & is now causing horrendous flooding at my place when it even rains too much…like this fall.
Wished them both the best…bc if I’m real, that land won’t be there for their supposed children……
"Or we can choose to be grateful- for our challenges, our discomforts, the problems we have in front of us."
Or, . . . we can choose to make some small part of the world better by donating our time, or money to a charity that helps people make the world better. Most of us are better off than someone else who could use some help.
That is most assuredly part of it, Bruce. Many who have, can give- and those who give make a difference. Two charities get everything I have after I die, to that end. Right now I am struggling to make a living, so I get to parce out what I can give along the way. But time, above all, is the most important. Thanks.
I am finishing up Democracy Awakening by Heather Cox Richardson, and in the last section, she reminds the reader that grievances around new people, migration, and the place have a long history in Europe and were carried over to America with the colonists. Recently, in my rural community FB group with 600 members, a resident complained about the urban folks who "colonized" the area in the last 20 years, only to be forced to confess that he moved here from somewhere else, 25 years ago.
Complaining and bellyaching are choices that become habits. But I agree that grievance has become the cultural norm thanks to social media and political players.
We don't want to be seen as an "other." Interesting how many Venezuelans voted for Trump to keep (poorer, darker) Venezuelans from gaining access to American lives. Increasingly I have zero patience for this. If we ask who stands to gain when we are pushed to gripe about others, we can push back. But not if we are willingly manipulated to hate our neighbors for the crime of moving in next door. Holy crap. She's brilliant, BTW.
I liked it better when our town of Katy, Texas had miles and miles of rice fields and the geese and ducks came every year to feed on them. All those rice fields are gone now, the beautiful open areas are now filled with homes. Do I miss the rice fields? Yes. Am I furious at those people who moved to this area and needed homes. No, of course not. How can I be? I'm a damned Yankee myself. That's a Yankee who moved down here from up north and had the temerity to stay! I laugh about it but 40 years ago when we moved from Illinois down here to go to college, there were plenty of "native" Texans who were outraged by us coming.
Like you, I have many memories of lovely little towns across the country that are gone now. They have grown into larger towns with Walmart's and bad traffic. You can't drag them back to the way you liked them better and would you really want to if you could? I doubt it.
I had to stop making myself crazy with anger about the election and the fact that that crazy-ass lunatic will be president. I can't stew in the anger and resentment when we will all need our wits about us to react and respond to what may or may not be coming. Many of our friends and family will need protection. In the meantime, I need to laugh and enjoy and be giddy and happy and most of all grateful for what I have and for what has made me strong for having to face.
Hugs to Mika and please have a wonderful Christmas.
That is it in a nutshell, so typical of you Penny. As always, thanks. I know Katy, I drove through there once and was struck by so much new housing. To your point. We truly are ridiculous with our arrogances and our feelings of ownership and superiority. Mika says thank you, BTW.
This article hits home for me. I recently moved from NY to FL and have not felt welcome at all. Local Facebook pages are full of comments telling me to go back where I came from, etc. I’m stubborn Irish and I’m staying just to piss them off.😂
Sharon, as native born Floridian, I know that feeling of both being in a state that gets "invaded" and doing the "invading" myself. The fact that we even use such terms speaks to our assholery. Piss 'em off. I'm part Irish meself.
Best article, Julia! I am frustrated too with the “poor me” rants on social media. Whether it’s Substack or Blue Sky, it’s not necessary to whine about everyone else. That is Trumpism. I won’t be able to pay for your stack, but I love and appreciate your philosophy because I feel likewise!
I totally get it,Diane. There are so many I can't pay for either. I just don't have the income right now, hope to eventually!
I always try to publicize writers like you in hopes my free subscribers will do paid subscriptions for quality!
It's very much appreciated, Diane.
Julia,
You have asked a lot of thought-provoking questions in this piece. I hope that many of your readers will let those questions percolate, so to speak, into their souls.
What you are addressing with these questions, is a spiritual crisis in our nation, without calling it that...maybe that spiritual crisis has been with us for some time (decades?) when our dominance on the world stage, post WWII became a part of our nation's consciousness. I like to call it a form of arrogance. Arrogance can be a defense mechanism; a mechanism that shields the person (and nation) from looking deep within and examining the demons (negative emotions) that lurk there.
RE: "Is this who we have become now, the richest nation on Earth, full of whiners and complainers? What’s so great about all that? I am directing that to all of us, irrespective of yard sign."
I'm putting on my former psychology faculty hat now, in answering the question with a resounding "yes." It's a "yes" because of what the late Dr. Albert Bandura dubbed modelling (not the Paris runway type) or "observational learning." Another way of putting it is what children like to say: "monkey see monkey do."
Observational learning is how we learn norms, language, what to say when, what NOT to say so that another's feelings aren't hurt (example: grandma, this soup tastes terrible), what to wear in different contexts, etc.
What Bandura's research studies pointed out in the 1960's was the power of observational learning when a perceived authority figure engages in behavior that breaks norms. If an authority figure engages in inappropriate behavior (hitting, for example, by a teacher or a parent), that authority figure is providing IMPLICIT permission to do likewise...and the behavior is repeated with abandon. Bandura's Bobo Doll experiments with children is where it all started in his research laboratory.
So, now I ask this: Who has been the Whiner in Chief for the past 8 years?? Who has been especially mean with tweets in the last 8 years? Do I need to say his name? It's the Drumf Effect...observational learning writ large. He's given many people, especially men, permission to become an a-hat just like him. And "no," I am not whining about the man who should not have an opportunity to despoil the White House for the next 4 years. It's just a professional observation, as a psychologist who has been trained to see behaviors through a particular lens.
The point writ large, Linda. I've been blocking all manner of trolls who came out of the wordwork because of how the pumpkin empowered and modelled the worst in us all. I am indeed addressing the much larger point. Lots of layers in this, and so fascinating how people will pick a particular point and get into the weeds arguing about some aspect of these stories that has nothing at all to do with the overarching message. I have no control over that but it sure is a symptom of where we are. Thanks so much for a thoughtful answer .
Hopefully, I will not receive "stuff" from trolls. If I do, the block button comes out with lightening speed. Life is way too short to suffer fools
You’re right, this feeling that we own a place and the newcomers are the interlopers. There are arguments in my little community about all the northern drivers coming here and causing accidents. I have yet to determine how you tell a southern car from a northern car!
We are ridiculous when you pull back and look at it, really.
Great article. You poured your heart out and it is admirable and encouraging. Thank you!
Thanks Elaine. I'm quite sure I'll get trolled sometime this week for it.
As always, you've called us all out, to something that's way overdue to having the blankets flung away so we can all see. We've all been guilty of doing this in some way, I think.
On another note, I just went to upgrade to paid but something is wrong with the system and it's declining the credit card, both on phone app and here on computer. When I called the credit card company they had me try it while on the phone with them and it never showed up on their end, so something here, perhaps?
Thank you Nina and thanks for the support. I have no clue what's up with the system but you're not on the only one having issues. I so appreciate the effort.
This is very curious to me as I see myself in this, but in a different way.
I live on a tiny barrier island in Florida. A decent baseball player could hit a ball from water to water.
It’s completely unsustainable.
When I moved here seven years ago, it was still a quiet community. Not too many houses, we were humble people…living the last refuge of old time Florida beachy lifestyle.
Then the vacant lots started selling…..to people with zero sense of what made this tiny community fabulous. Huge brightly lit houses. Houses where they raised the land up several feet to accommodate flooding instead of building on stilts like the old timers did/do.
These are fellow Americans…not immigrants, but it feels the same.
It feels exactly the same as being invaded by a class & culture so different that it’s jarring: We like the streetlights off so we can see the stars at night. We like the quiet that the trees you’ve destroyed gave us. We like the turtles you’ve run over and the bald eagles you’ve displaced.
Nothing ever stays the same, but it was a beautiful five years of perfect ocean bliss while it lasted.
I’ve stayed two years too long.
I no longer want to live in this projected anger at something/someone I cannot stop. It’s not my island, not my place anymore. Let it be.
I’m just renting space for awhile.
As someone who grew up in Florida, this is all too familiar. I hear every sentence of this, LP.
I just left a Christmas Card in the mailbox of the insulting realtor who with his 30-something gf moved into the raised land house across the street & is now causing horrendous flooding at my place when it even rains too much…like this fall.
Wished them both the best…bc if I’m real, that land won’t be there for their supposed children……
"Or we can choose to be grateful- for our challenges, our discomforts, the problems we have in front of us."
Or, . . . we can choose to make some small part of the world better by donating our time, or money to a charity that helps people make the world better. Most of us are better off than someone else who could use some help.
That is most assuredly part of it, Bruce. Many who have, can give- and those who give make a difference. Two charities get everything I have after I die, to that end. Right now I am struggling to make a living, so I get to parce out what I can give along the way. But time, above all, is the most important. Thanks.
💖