When I am Empress, I will see to it that everyone takes a comprehensive course in Setting Healthy Boundaries — before they're allowed to have children. Wait, back up: before they're even allowed to date. How about starting in kindergarten? And making their parents attend?
Julia, I appreciate how you explained the guilty element in boundary setting and how it works with trauma and empaths. This makes sense to me. There's much to reflect on in this piece and I look forward to reading the article you recommended,
So very honest and truthful for two abuse survivors . Being one and as a male i deeply understand all you said . All of it id right on point . wishing you and Melissa the very best . Hugs to both
So much critically important insight here, Julia. As always, thank you for sharing my work with your subscribers. It was a gift being able to meet with you in person this week. As I shared during our discussion, there is 'meaningless' versus 'meaningful' suffering. Self-care and establishing appropriate boundaries may result in suffering, but there is meaning attached to it that can lead us to progression in our healing and personal development. Recovery at times requires us to "rough it out" - It is a blessing when we have friends we can turn to for support when the ride turns bumpy, scary, or painful. You are such a friend.
Thanks so much Rebecca. It is so very important to surround ourselves with people fearless enough to work with what wants to strangle our lives. It can be b,mpy, scary and painful if we're solo but not so much when we have friends.
I resonate with this so much, so often it feels like the “reward” for setting boundaries is loneliness. Ultimately, the head knows I have done the right thing, but the heart second-guesses.
Yes - it can feel that way. I found I needed to remember - and also to trust - that I was building a 'new', boundaried self every time I set limits or asserted my wants / needs. "Build it and they will come." And overtime, new people who could honor and respect my boundaries arrived. Quantity may not be the same, but the quality of my connections / relationships is far better.
Julia, what an excellent article that truly speaks to me (I can't wait to read Rebecca's article!). I am so very sorry for the trauma you endured, and I'm glad you've got a great friend and are doing your best in terms of self-care and self-love.
I am also an empath who has had a history of problems setting boundaries. Or I set them and allow people to trample all over them. My nuclear family was great at abuse. Then, I was in a bad marriage for 16 years and until year 15, I wasn't going to leave the relationship. When we were married 15 years, I went through my cancer diagnosis and treatment. Things changed for me. After cancer, all I could think was, "I fought so hard to live, just to be stuck in this marriage. This is not living; it's just existing." We got divorced, and though divorce was depressing and sad, in time, I experienced happiness and contentment. I am so glad I left that toxic relationship.
Thank you for addressing boundaries. So many of us need to improve in this area, especially when it comes to toxic people and doctors. I've also had a doctor inflict horrific pain and suffering on me. And I said NO when he wanted me to come back.
So much truth and wisdom in these words. Also: some of the hardest lessons to learn. For me, feeling like I inevitably end up alone if I set boundaries is an indicator that I am still choosing charming or exciting men. Many thanks for sharing this struggle 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Boy can I relate. But when I change the question, which is whether or not I can happily live with myself if I keep making bad decisions, the answers get a lot easier.
When I am Empress, I will see to it that everyone takes a comprehensive course in Setting Healthy Boundaries — before they're allowed to have children. Wait, back up: before they're even allowed to date. How about starting in kindergarten? And making their parents attend?
Okay I peed. Well said, Emp.
I am honored.
Julia, I appreciate how you explained the guilty element in boundary setting and how it works with trauma and empaths. This makes sense to me. There's much to reflect on in this piece and I look forward to reading the article you recommended,
All credit to people like Rebecca who have done the research and named the issue, Sandra!
So very honest and truthful for two abuse survivors . Being one and as a male i deeply understand all you said . All of it id right on point . wishing you and Melissa the very best . Hugs to both
Thanks Mitch. We are all affected in some way. Our journeys are sacred, and may we all find courage on the way,
Yes we are Julie . It takes a while to break it off though sometimes .
So much critically important insight here, Julia. As always, thank you for sharing my work with your subscribers. It was a gift being able to meet with you in person this week. As I shared during our discussion, there is 'meaningless' versus 'meaningful' suffering. Self-care and establishing appropriate boundaries may result in suffering, but there is meaning attached to it that can lead us to progression in our healing and personal development. Recovery at times requires us to "rough it out" - It is a blessing when we have friends we can turn to for support when the ride turns bumpy, scary, or painful. You are such a friend.
Thanks so much Rebecca. It is so very important to surround ourselves with people fearless enough to work with what wants to strangle our lives. It can be b,mpy, scary and painful if we're solo but not so much when we have friends.
VERY true!!
I resonate with this so much, so often it feels like the “reward” for setting boundaries is loneliness. Ultimately, the head knows I have done the right thing, but the heart second-guesses.
Yes - it can feel that way. I found I needed to remember - and also to trust - that I was building a 'new', boundaried self every time I set limits or asserted my wants / needs. "Build it and they will come." And overtime, new people who could honor and respect my boundaries arrived. Quantity may not be the same, but the quality of my connections / relationships is far better.
Julia, what an excellent article that truly speaks to me (I can't wait to read Rebecca's article!). I am so very sorry for the trauma you endured, and I'm glad you've got a great friend and are doing your best in terms of self-care and self-love.
I am also an empath who has had a history of problems setting boundaries. Or I set them and allow people to trample all over them. My nuclear family was great at abuse. Then, I was in a bad marriage for 16 years and until year 15, I wasn't going to leave the relationship. When we were married 15 years, I went through my cancer diagnosis and treatment. Things changed for me. After cancer, all I could think was, "I fought so hard to live, just to be stuck in this marriage. This is not living; it's just existing." We got divorced, and though divorce was depressing and sad, in time, I experienced happiness and contentment. I am so glad I left that toxic relationship.
Thank you for addressing boundaries. So many of us need to improve in this area, especially when it comes to toxic people and doctors. I've also had a doctor inflict horrific pain and suffering on me. And I said NO when he wanted me to come back.
Good for us both. NO is a complete sentence. Let’s not sentence ourselves to suffering because we can’t say it out loud.
Beautifully said!
Julia, Melissa and Rebecca. You make a great team. 🖖
Thank you Caroline.
So much truth and wisdom in these words. Also: some of the hardest lessons to learn. For me, feeling like I inevitably end up alone if I set boundaries is an indicator that I am still choosing charming or exciting men. Many thanks for sharing this struggle 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Boy can I relate. But when I change the question, which is whether or not I can happily live with myself if I keep making bad decisions, the answers get a lot easier.
Yes and yes. I call it playing the movie till the end—being able to see how it will always work out if I make contact again—is enormously helpful.