I've undergone two major downsizings that were so ruthless that the last time we moved I actually had to do some acquiring of things so our dwelling felt sufficiently homey. That said, I am very clear that, apart from a few items, the objects that surround me are for me to enjoy and for my survivors to cheerfully dispose of when the time comes. I've gone through dead & declining loved ones' stuff enough times that I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Just packe up the tagged items and call 1-800-JUNK to come get the rest, kids.
I've done that too, when I thought I was going to have to sell my house. I was wrong and ending up having to start all over again. Dumb and expensive but I couldn't have seen it coming.
I sold my 5,000 sq ft house 2 years ago and moved into less than 800 sq ft. I gave away lots of items to friends and family, had a huge garage sale & donated the rest. It was huge relief and I felt so much lighter and freed from the weight of all the STUFF.
Some days I still wonder where a certain beloved item ended up and sometimes I miss certain things. But honestly it’s been a lovely sort of surprise to see my previous possessions in their homes when I visit friends and family.
THIS: "Every time we downsize, we have the chance to upsize our life with love. The closer we move to our final moments, the more life invites us to judge what is worthy of our attention, what is worth protecting."
Downsizing, what to take and what to leave is forefront in my life right now. The idea of simplifying, of making things cozier, holds appeal. I don't want to take care of a big house anymore. I want to find something smaller that lends itself to the physical changes as well as the soul changes that one experiences in this phase of life. What is worthy of my attention? What is worthy of my protection? Such great questions to contemplate. And in the end, like you, I want my final thoughts to be of love and thanks, because there's nothing else that will cross over with us. Thanks for another beautiful piece. ~Stephanie
This was beautiful to read. I've never had to downsize myself because I'm a minimalist. I can comfortably fill a studio type space.
However, one thing I did have to "downsize" recently are all the boxes that used to be my son's life. I'd been storing them for 4 years, unable to let go of things as simple as a pencil he's touched lol. But with my recent move to a new home I finally did it. I opened every box and donated SO much stuff. Men's clothing, his work boots, sold his sound system equipment, repacked sentimental items more tidily. It took a long time to even want to let go but it felt really good knowing I was helping other men in need when I finally did.
Now...when my mother goes that will be a whole different event lol. She has SO MUCH stuff!!! And I'm an only child. I'm kinda dreading it and she knows that 😁
Two summers ago, I had the exterior of our home of 30+ years painted (it has aluminum siding that was weather beaten by the sun and other elements, looking rather shabby). The chimney for the furnace needed brick pointing. The concrete decking around the pool needed repairs and painting. I was recognizing physical issues with my spouse's health which suggested we needed to downsize in the future.
Last year, when my husband was diagnosed with multiple, medical issues (Parkinson's Disease, a 75% occlusion of his left carotid artery - surgery to fix that, NPH - aka water on the brain, which required brain surgery for the insertion of a shunt for drainage), I began the decluttering of our house. MANY books were donated. Unused things in the garage in particular were given away to friends and strangers (thanks to Craigslist). Business clothing was also culled by both of us; there's a great organization here in Philadelphia called The Wardrobe helps ppl in transition (newly released prisoners; patients out of rehab; folks living on the financial edge) to dress for interviews. Volunteers help them to find the right clothes and shoes for the employment setting....
My spouse's two expensive tubas left our home (one was donated to a music teacher/professor; one was sold) and literally 5 file drawers of sheet music for brass quintets, sextets, and other musical ensembles to four different ppl/organizations. He stopped playing professionally about 5 years ago and stopped practicing about 3 years ago. He realized that it was time to give up the equipment and music for the next generation of tuba players. I had to coax him into this decision. I reminded him that someone else, of lesser means - especially up and coming students, would be delighted to be able to use one of his tubas at Temple University. He agreed, thankfully. It also gave him an opportunity for old friends and musicians to stop by the house to pick up the many boxes of sheet music that he painstakingly sorted through and labeled for different musical ensembles. It gave him a sense of purpose for a time. It was a tough transition for him, after identifying as a tubist for 70 years (he's 80 now).
I realized, but he still does not accept it, that we need to let go of the house. He's not ready. This 2500 square foot home is just too much for me to take care of. I at least have a respite from taking care of the inground pool that was closed up by a crew in mid-September. Opening and closing of said pool (it has a safety cover) is about $1.1K. Paying this company $4K a season for weekly maintenance for 4 months, just seems excessive to me. Yes, we wouldn't need to purchase pool chemicals...we have two dogs now and one of them has the wanderlust if gates are kept open. The crew for this company just shows up for repairs (we needed a new pool pump and other repairs this year) whenever. Like the landscaping crew.
Spouse's memory issues are becoming more and more pronounced. This house and our great neighbors are an "anchor" for him. Moving to a smaller place might just accelerate his cognitive issues...so, I am conflicted. I will not give up on the idea of moving, however.
I thought of it as “human molting” when I had to clear out my home of 29 years which had at least 50!years of my “stuff.” I got through it by giving things to friends and acquaintances who needed it! Here’s the piece, originally in Huffington Post. https://melindablau.com/2021/04/15/how-to-get-rid-of-your-stuff/
La Casa (The House) by Paco Roca is about this but after the death of their father. A beautiful graphic novel I highly recommend. It was nostalgic, vivid illustrations and talks about the relationships of those left behind.
This really struck a chord. My husband & I both lost our jobs and took early retirement, about 10 years ago. About a year later, he told me he wanted to sell the house and buy a condo, in a different suburb, closer to where his brother and our nephews live. We'd talked about a condo "someday," but I'd assumed it would be somewhere closer to where we'd already been living for 26 years, and a few more years down the road. I was perfectly happy with my house and the community where we were living, and I was NOT HAPPY. He wore me down, and we actually found a very nice condo in a new-ish low-rise building (2 bedrooms, 875 square feet plus storage locker). We had to downsize our belongings and spruce up our house (1400 square feet) for sale very quickly, though, and it's not something I'd care to repeat any time soon...! On balance, though, it's been a good move for us. And honestly? -- I do not really miss any of the things we got rid of. Except maybe a couple of the books, and I've been able to find cheap e-copies of many of them (takes up less space)!
Now my sister & I need to convince our parents (in their 80s) to move from the overstuffed SPLIT LEVEL house where they've lived for 40 years!! (We've told them they don't have to move to a care home, but something smaller, on one level and with a smaller yard to keep up, would be so much better for them at this stage of their lives -- and to do it NOW, while they have some choices, versus being forced into it because of an emergency.) I think my dad would happily move, but my mom is digging in her heels. Sigh...
We do it ourselves, Lori. At some point I get to make that decision for myself. Had I been able I’d not have chosen a split level for all the obvious reasons. But I think that builders are finally seeing that this is a necessity. Then we have to convince ourselves that it’s the right thing to do!
Julia, this is a wonderfully insightful post. These lines struck me: "Above all, as things are let go, relationships remain. That is the only true treasure: the love we’ve invested in, the people we care about, those we allow to be witness to our endings, our transitions, our new beginnings." Beautifully written. It's true that items are things and what really matters is our relationships with those we love.
I've undergone two major downsizings that were so ruthless that the last time we moved I actually had to do some acquiring of things so our dwelling felt sufficiently homey. That said, I am very clear that, apart from a few items, the objects that surround me are for me to enjoy and for my survivors to cheerfully dispose of when the time comes. I've gone through dead & declining loved ones' stuff enough times that I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Just packe up the tagged items and call 1-800-JUNK to come get the rest, kids.
I've done that too, when I thought I was going to have to sell my house. I was wrong and ending up having to start all over again. Dumb and expensive but I couldn't have seen it coming.
Oh, I've done plenty of dumb and expensive things because I didn't see what was coming. It's part of humaning.
I sold my 5,000 sq ft house 2 years ago and moved into less than 800 sq ft. I gave away lots of items to friends and family, had a huge garage sale & donated the rest. It was huge relief and I felt so much lighter and freed from the weight of all the STUFF.
Some days I still wonder where a certain beloved item ended up and sometimes I miss certain things. But honestly it’s been a lovely sort of surprise to see my previous possessions in their homes when I visit friends and family.
I do the same thing. I just have to let that go
THIS: "Every time we downsize, we have the chance to upsize our life with love. The closer we move to our final moments, the more life invites us to judge what is worthy of our attention, what is worth protecting."
Downsizing, what to take and what to leave is forefront in my life right now. The idea of simplifying, of making things cozier, holds appeal. I don't want to take care of a big house anymore. I want to find something smaller that lends itself to the physical changes as well as the soul changes that one experiences in this phase of life. What is worthy of my attention? What is worthy of my protection? Such great questions to contemplate. And in the end, like you, I want my final thoughts to be of love and thanks, because there's nothing else that will cross over with us. Thanks for another beautiful piece. ~Stephanie
This was beautiful to read. I've never had to downsize myself because I'm a minimalist. I can comfortably fill a studio type space.
However, one thing I did have to "downsize" recently are all the boxes that used to be my son's life. I'd been storing them for 4 years, unable to let go of things as simple as a pencil he's touched lol. But with my recent move to a new home I finally did it. I opened every box and donated SO much stuff. Men's clothing, his work boots, sold his sound system equipment, repacked sentimental items more tidily. It took a long time to even want to let go but it felt really good knowing I was helping other men in need when I finally did.
Now...when my mother goes that will be a whole different event lol. She has SO MUCH stuff!!! And I'm an only child. I'm kinda dreading it and she knows that 😁
Mark the stuff you want now and make a mental note….the rest gets donated. My god, the good things I find at Goodwill.
Two summers ago, I had the exterior of our home of 30+ years painted (it has aluminum siding that was weather beaten by the sun and other elements, looking rather shabby). The chimney for the furnace needed brick pointing. The concrete decking around the pool needed repairs and painting. I was recognizing physical issues with my spouse's health which suggested we needed to downsize in the future.
Last year, when my husband was diagnosed with multiple, medical issues (Parkinson's Disease, a 75% occlusion of his left carotid artery - surgery to fix that, NPH - aka water on the brain, which required brain surgery for the insertion of a shunt for drainage), I began the decluttering of our house. MANY books were donated. Unused things in the garage in particular were given away to friends and strangers (thanks to Craigslist). Business clothing was also culled by both of us; there's a great organization here in Philadelphia called The Wardrobe helps ppl in transition (newly released prisoners; patients out of rehab; folks living on the financial edge) to dress for interviews. Volunteers help them to find the right clothes and shoes for the employment setting....
My spouse's two expensive tubas left our home (one was donated to a music teacher/professor; one was sold) and literally 5 file drawers of sheet music for brass quintets, sextets, and other musical ensembles to four different ppl/organizations. He stopped playing professionally about 5 years ago and stopped practicing about 3 years ago. He realized that it was time to give up the equipment and music for the next generation of tuba players. I had to coax him into this decision. I reminded him that someone else, of lesser means - especially up and coming students, would be delighted to be able to use one of his tubas at Temple University. He agreed, thankfully. It also gave him an opportunity for old friends and musicians to stop by the house to pick up the many boxes of sheet music that he painstakingly sorted through and labeled for different musical ensembles. It gave him a sense of purpose for a time. It was a tough transition for him, after identifying as a tubist for 70 years (he's 80 now).
I realized, but he still does not accept it, that we need to let go of the house. He's not ready. This 2500 square foot home is just too much for me to take care of. I at least have a respite from taking care of the inground pool that was closed up by a crew in mid-September. Opening and closing of said pool (it has a safety cover) is about $1.1K. Paying this company $4K a season for weekly maintenance for 4 months, just seems excessive to me. Yes, we wouldn't need to purchase pool chemicals...we have two dogs now and one of them has the wanderlust if gates are kept open. The crew for this company just shows up for repairs (we needed a new pool pump and other repairs this year) whenever. Like the landscaping crew.
Spouse's memory issues are becoming more and more pronounced. This house and our great neighbors are an "anchor" for him. Moving to a smaller place might just accelerate his cognitive issues...so, I am conflicted. I will not give up on the idea of moving, however.
Linda
I thought of it as “human molting” when I had to clear out my home of 29 years which had at least 50!years of my “stuff.” I got through it by giving things to friends and acquaintances who needed it! Here’s the piece, originally in Huffington Post. https://melindablau.com/2021/04/15/how-to-get-rid-of-your-stuff/
Thanks Melinda. I love that term!
La Casa (The House) by Paco Roca is about this but after the death of their father. A beautiful graphic novel I highly recommend. It was nostalgic, vivid illustrations and talks about the relationships of those left behind.
Sounds wonderful, Sheila, and thank you.
Let me know if you read it I’d like to know what you thought ☺️
This really struck a chord. My husband & I both lost our jobs and took early retirement, about 10 years ago. About a year later, he told me he wanted to sell the house and buy a condo, in a different suburb, closer to where his brother and our nephews live. We'd talked about a condo "someday," but I'd assumed it would be somewhere closer to where we'd already been living for 26 years, and a few more years down the road. I was perfectly happy with my house and the community where we were living, and I was NOT HAPPY. He wore me down, and we actually found a very nice condo in a new-ish low-rise building (2 bedrooms, 875 square feet plus storage locker). We had to downsize our belongings and spruce up our house (1400 square feet) for sale very quickly, though, and it's not something I'd care to repeat any time soon...! On balance, though, it's been a good move for us. And honestly? -- I do not really miss any of the things we got rid of. Except maybe a couple of the books, and I've been able to find cheap e-copies of many of them (takes up less space)!
Now my sister & I need to convince our parents (in their 80s) to move from the overstuffed SPLIT LEVEL house where they've lived for 40 years!! (We've told them they don't have to move to a care home, but something smaller, on one level and with a smaller yard to keep up, would be so much better for them at this stage of their lives -- and to do it NOW, while they have some choices, versus being forced into it because of an emergency.) I think my dad would happily move, but my mom is digging in her heels. Sigh...
We do it ourselves, Lori. At some point I get to make that decision for myself. Had I been able I’d not have chosen a split level for all the obvious reasons. But I think that builders are finally seeing that this is a necessity. Then we have to convince ourselves that it’s the right thing to do!
Julia, this is a wonderfully insightful post. These lines struck me: "Above all, as things are let go, relationships remain. That is the only true treasure: the love we’ve invested in, the people we care about, those we allow to be witness to our endings, our transitions, our new beginnings." Beautifully written. It's true that items are things and what really matters is our relationships with those we love.
Thanks Beth. Sometimes I wonder where those words come from.....