Recently I've been thinking a lot about death, particularly my parents' as I've realised I have a paralysing fear about them passing away and not being around physically anymore. I'm working through it in therapy and it's insane how much we can realise about our parents and our relationships with them. I've always had a tricky one with mum and I'm grateful she's still around as we heal through. But this gives a huge and different perspective on how life's experiences can happen for us, instead of to us.
This one bit reached me deeply: "Our mothers bear us into the world. In many cases, their deaths release us, orphaned from our most powerful human connection, to become who we must be in the world."
Thank you for this post, Julia! Insightful and touching. ♥️
Michelle, Andy's mother's death devastated her. AND. In retrospect she has been able to embrace what for her was a genuinely awful loss, as she was joined at the hip with her mother, to realize that ultimately, things worked out. It has taken her years to reach that point. She wasn't being glib and neither was I. When mothers die it's one of the most profound shifts in any life. That said, Andy was brave enough to understand that her mother's passage gave her passage. To me that's brave work. That was the message of this piece: the way Andy was able to move through the biggest loss of her life through her love of dogs, and the courage to accept her mother's death. There is nothing in this that should be inferred as saying it's great when Mom dies. Not at all.
What a lovely story. I am an older mother and very close to my daughter, who has anxiety and needs my support. But I am aware that my daughter is in the wrong place for her (London). She needs a slower life and a community, so we are moving to Scotland. I don't want her to find freedom only after I die.
.. such a charming tale of Mother’s Day ! Despite lack of one myself - am a spy & adept at finding great ones.. as a young orphan farm lad we had a mutual admiration society.. farm mothers & elders slay ! But of course i regale in finding the great tales as well !
Absolutely 100% my FAVORITE thing I've read today. I can relate to SO much of it in a very different way. My dog save me during my grief over the loss of my son...you already know this. I savored every single word of this Julia. I am so happy for your friend Andy. What a blessing in so many ways! Thank you!
Wonderful post. Another wonder that found me today, on a Mothers Day when I really needed it, was Liz Gilbert's latest Letters From Love post in which the guidance she received suggested she stop thinking of her mother as Mother but rather another human being who shared part of her time in Earth School with her. Right away, that demolishes so much of the impossible expectations we have for mothers. Sigh.
Powerful reframe ❤️
Thanks so much Paolo.
Yikes, this is soooo powerful...
Recently I've been thinking a lot about death, particularly my parents' as I've realised I have a paralysing fear about them passing away and not being around physically anymore. I'm working through it in therapy and it's insane how much we can realise about our parents and our relationships with them. I've always had a tricky one with mum and I'm grateful she's still around as we heal through. But this gives a huge and different perspective on how life's experiences can happen for us, instead of to us.
This one bit reached me deeply: "Our mothers bear us into the world. In many cases, their deaths release us, orphaned from our most powerful human connection, to become who we must be in the world."
Thank you for this post, Julia! Insightful and touching. ♥️
Heartfelt thanks, Dr. Ross. For us instead of to us is a huge shift in perspective. Thanks for calling that out.
Walking dogs helped my heart heal, too, after decades of intense pain. Dog is Love.
It's helping me, too, in different ways. Dogs are amazing.
I really don't think my death is going to be a great thing for my kids.
Of course not! And same goes for me. I am certainly not rushing it.
Michelle, Andy's mother's death devastated her. AND. In retrospect she has been able to embrace what for her was a genuinely awful loss, as she was joined at the hip with her mother, to realize that ultimately, things worked out. It has taken her years to reach that point. She wasn't being glib and neither was I. When mothers die it's one of the most profound shifts in any life. That said, Andy was brave enough to understand that her mother's passage gave her passage. To me that's brave work. That was the message of this piece: the way Andy was able to move through the biggest loss of her life through her love of dogs, and the courage to accept her mother's death. There is nothing in this that should be inferred as saying it's great when Mom dies. Not at all.
What a lovely story. I am an older mother and very close to my daughter, who has anxiety and needs my support. But I am aware that my daughter is in the wrong place for her (London). She needs a slower life and a community, so we are moving to Scotland. I don't want her to find freedom only after I die.
Sometimes and in some ways, daughters only find freedom after mothers pass, but in the sense that you mean it here I totally get your point.
What a touching story filled with inspired love and hope! Beautifully written, Julia!
Thank you Louisa!
Julia- This is so beautiful! A lovely read on Mother’s Day, which can be a charged day for me in so many ways. Thank you. ❤️
I'm well aware of some of your history. It can be a difficult day for both mother and daughter for very different reasons. Blessings to you.
Beautiful Julia ❤️
thanks so much Dee.
.. such a charming tale of Mother’s Day ! Despite lack of one myself - am a spy & adept at finding great ones.. as a young orphan farm lad we had a mutual admiration society.. farm mothers & elders slay ! But of course i regale in finding the great tales as well !
Absolutely 100% my FAVORITE thing I've read today. I can relate to SO much of it in a very different way. My dog save me during my grief over the loss of my son...you already know this. I savored every single word of this Julia. I am so happy for your friend Andy. What a blessing in so many ways! Thank you!
PS: If she wants to hire a Canadian, I'll move 😁
Best job ever! thanks for the kind words!
Wonderful post. Another wonder that found me today, on a Mothers Day when I really needed it, was Liz Gilbert's latest Letters From Love post in which the guidance she received suggested she stop thinking of her mother as Mother but rather another human being who shared part of her time in Earth School with her. Right away, that demolishes so much of the impossible expectations we have for mothers. Sigh.
As someone somewhat stuck I appreciate this post
Wherever you are, you will be unstuck when you're ready. I know that's annoying but damn it, it tends to be true. Thank you for the kind words.