Such a powerful, and accessible piece of writing. I think the stand out quote for me was:
"We will fail at jobs, relationships, school, tests, parenting, sex. If it’s in life, we have the potential to fuck it up royally. If we refuse to fail, we don’t grow."
I know this is true on my own life, and I am only just, thanks to the wisdom of people like yourself, not run from my fuck ups... or even from potential fuck ups.
We all do, Jen, as potential. We don't all use it, and as result we can shrink away from the hard bits. Those are what make us stronger. Thanks for the kind words.
Boy do I know that. I have to watch my intake as well, but the cook around here is LOUSY. I see every time I walk in the bathroom and reminder her that I deserve better.....
Damn, this was good! Raw, brutally honest, unflinching, yet in the end it is uplifting and inspiring. I've strived to have grit, to be good at suffering, but I see there are many more levels to unlock. Thanks for this one, Julia!!
Having lost my dad to cancer when I was age 3, too many times the eyes of pity fell sadly upon me. Then the never-good-enough feelings led me down a path of victimhood. As a retired court reporter, I wrote about the thousands eyes I met, eyes that were downcast, angry, filled with grievance. Luckily I had "angels" like you to help me develop a backbone. It took years of self-love and compassion before I could muster some grit. I love your essay. Such a good reminder that we all are enough but we have gritty work to do.
Here were some of my observations from my chair in the courtroom :
"During my 30 years as a court reporter, I witnessed many defendants, witnesses, and victims enter our grand courtroom wearing their own self-pity badges. The stories told in those venerable halls of justice were never joyful. The words that still sit in my bones were toxic and heinous. Unspeakable crimes were perpetrated against so many. How often I wished those wounded would take great care before wrapping themselves in those dark blankets of loneliness.
Owning a victim persona is a risky proposition. Soon accountability is out the window and blaming others winds its way tightly into the psyche. The payoff feels easier than taking charge of one’s own life. Welcoming the sad pity of strangers reinforces the urge to wallow in misery and justifies destructive negative thinking."
Oh, how I remember many of these sad, tired, beaten people. My wish for them was always to break free from the chains of victimhood, a prison in itself.
There's a lot of wisdom in this, Pam. What an unfortunate statement about our society, and how the legal system preys on victims and lionizes it for gain. Hardly a comment about how free we are when we are chained to our sad, sad sad stories.
Julia, I could go on and on about so many thoughts and feelings I've had about this topic. Seeing so many leave the courtroom and walk back into their lives without any kind of help or awareness was heartbreaking. How many remained static, chained to a belief they would always be diminished due to circumstances beyond their capacity or control. Thank you for shining a light on this. Sad sad sad indeed.
Pam, had I not gone down that road myself and damn near have it take my life, I'd have a lot more judgment. But I made different decisions. Some folks just can't- even if they do have help, counseling or a mentor. We have to be ready, willing, and able to make those hard choices. It's never easy but my god, the difference is a life of excuses or a life of experiences and adventures.
My parents, who loved off-colour jokes (I add the "u" just for you) used to say, let's be Frank and Earnest. You be Frank, and I'll be Earnest.
Oh DEAR GOD how endlessly boring. That said, the ability to make fun of the shit sandwiches that we ourselves make in the kitchens every day is a superpower. I will eventually get around to an article about taking ourselves less seriously, but seriously, I need my morning constitutional right about now. I find that getting the shit out of my system really helps me write with a lighter heart. Or something. At least I'm less full of it.
Ruth, I spent four years in Australia and New Zealand, fell permanently in love with tea and cream., learned to say boot and bonnet, and even lost much of my American accent. I also fell in love with the humour.
Gallows humour has allowed me to survive skydiving accidents in midair, scuba diving emergencies at 130 feet down and worse. I know no better skill, Ruth.
Such a powerful, and accessible piece of writing. I think the stand out quote for me was:
"We will fail at jobs, relationships, school, tests, parenting, sex. If it’s in life, we have the potential to fuck it up royally. If we refuse to fail, we don’t grow."
I know this is true on my own life, and I am only just, thanks to the wisdom of people like yourself, not run from my fuck ups... or even from potential fuck ups.
I love this! It feels like I read a mini-book on grit, as you shared so many powerful lessons.
I’m so grateful I was able to “inspire” something as wonderful as this, but it’s obvious you’ve had it in you all along 🤗
We all do, Jen, as potential. We don't all use it, and as result we can shrink away from the hard bits. Those are what make us stronger. Thanks for the kind words.
It’s true. I’m 71, and have serious grits in my gut. About 20 pounds worth. Well, ok, ok, about 30 pounds if we use my college weight as reference.
It’s all my wife’s fault. Literally everything she cooks is GREAT!
Boy do I know that. I have to watch my intake as well, but the cook around here is LOUSY. I see every time I walk in the bathroom and reminder her that I deserve better.....
Damn, this was good! Raw, brutally honest, unflinching, yet in the end it is uplifting and inspiring. I've strived to have grit, to be good at suffering, but I see there are many more levels to unlock. Thanks for this one, Julia!!
Great inspiring gritty post.
Many thanks, Mo.
Having lost my dad to cancer when I was age 3, too many times the eyes of pity fell sadly upon me. Then the never-good-enough feelings led me down a path of victimhood. As a retired court reporter, I wrote about the thousands eyes I met, eyes that were downcast, angry, filled with grievance. Luckily I had "angels" like you to help me develop a backbone. It took years of self-love and compassion before I could muster some grit. I love your essay. Such a good reminder that we all are enough but we have gritty work to do.
Here were some of my observations from my chair in the courtroom :
"During my 30 years as a court reporter, I witnessed many defendants, witnesses, and victims enter our grand courtroom wearing their own self-pity badges. The stories told in those venerable halls of justice were never joyful. The words that still sit in my bones were toxic and heinous. Unspeakable crimes were perpetrated against so many. How often I wished those wounded would take great care before wrapping themselves in those dark blankets of loneliness.
Owning a victim persona is a risky proposition. Soon accountability is out the window and blaming others winds its way tightly into the psyche. The payoff feels easier than taking charge of one’s own life. Welcoming the sad pity of strangers reinforces the urge to wallow in misery and justifies destructive negative thinking."
Oh, how I remember many of these sad, tired, beaten people. My wish for them was always to break free from the chains of victimhood, a prison in itself.
Thank you for this great essay.
There's a lot of wisdom in this, Pam. What an unfortunate statement about our society, and how the legal system preys on victims and lionizes it for gain. Hardly a comment about how free we are when we are chained to our sad, sad sad stories.
Julia, I could go on and on about so many thoughts and feelings I've had about this topic. Seeing so many leave the courtroom and walk back into their lives without any kind of help or awareness was heartbreaking. How many remained static, chained to a belief they would always be diminished due to circumstances beyond their capacity or control. Thank you for shining a light on this. Sad sad sad indeed.
Pam, had I not gone down that road myself and damn near have it take my life, I'd have a lot more judgment. But I made different decisions. Some folks just can't- even if they do have help, counseling or a mentor. We have to be ready, willing, and able to make those hard choices. It's never easy but my god, the difference is a life of excuses or a life of experiences and adventures.
Exactly! Proud of you, Julia, and thankful you shared your wisdom.
My parents, who loved off-colour jokes (I add the "u" just for you) used to say, let's be Frank and Earnest. You be Frank, and I'll be Earnest.
Oh DEAR GOD how endlessly boring. That said, the ability to make fun of the shit sandwiches that we ourselves make in the kitchens every day is a superpower. I will eventually get around to an article about taking ourselves less seriously, but seriously, I need my morning constitutional right about now. I find that getting the shit out of my system really helps me write with a lighter heart. Or something. At least I'm less full of it.
Ruth, I spent four years in Australia and New Zealand, fell permanently in love with tea and cream., learned to say boot and bonnet, and even lost much of my American accent. I also fell in love with the humour.
Gallows humour has allowed me to survive skydiving accidents in midair, scuba diving emergencies at 130 feet down and worse. I know no better skill, Ruth.