You and I Are Way Too Old to Buy the Bullsh*t About Aging

Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society

Photo by Clément Falize on Unsplash

I scrape the Internet for a slew of stories about… AGING!

There are a number of us writing about aging, whether at midlife- when we REALLY begin to notice- or towards the end, where the shore is visible and our life has a stopping point. I see lots of shared trends.

To that, given that I’m 71 and I pound the drum about health and nutrition, a positive attitude and all those important things which allow us to age well, I like to scour the Internet for articles which might please or inspire or inform - or all three- Dear Reader.

I like to look outside Substack every so often because there is much worth reading in addition to our vibrant community.

Our themes are different but interwoven; we all address some aspect of what we’re losing, some address what we gain. Many of us address the internal politicking that informs our brains as we negotiate- especially as women- our changing role in society as we forfeit our butts to gravity, our faces to life’s emotions, our value to the world seemingly diminished by our lack of fertility and smooth thighs.

Some of us mourn, some of us moan, some of us dance on the carcasses of our previous selves and do our best to leap into the next iteration.

Most of it’s pretty messy, but that’s life, dammit. It’s supposed to be messy. If all of it were easy we’d never ever discover who we could really become.

Last Saturday, Ray Glier of GeezerJock published a story about me. I am in excellent company; he writes eloquently about late-in-life high achievers and how they do what they do. Ray is dealing with ALS and to my mind, that courage makes him a standout in his own right.

We are all living with a death sentence, like it or not.

The real question is how we live in the meantime, and how much permission we give to others and our society to shame us for the one path we must all walk if we are lucky: aging.

Ray asked me why I thought older people avoided adversity. I challenge the question. We all do. All of us. It’s exceedingly uncomfortable. But through adversity we find out who we are. And as we age, we can either shrink from it or embrace it. One choice leads out, the other leads to life on the couch, exercising our remote.

This morning

Return To Self

by Jen Traxel addressed The Tower in the Tarot Deck. For those not familiar, The Tower effectively means all hell breaks loose, and a big change is coming. That IS life. Whether that’s a divorce or dementia (please see

Amy Brown

) leading to Destiny, or a time when we tread water for too damned long to figure out next steps, that IS life.

Above all, the best work I see is that which calls bulls*t on how awful aging is. Below, I’ve collected some articles from the Internet, each of which offers a few perspectives, largely from women writers, about the aging process. Most of it is damned good news.

Kiwi writer Amanda Barush writes:

Internalised ageism is that nasty voice in your head that hisses, “You’re too old to do that.” or “For god’s sake, act your age!” It’s the thought that makes us pinch the excess flab on our stomachs as if to punish our flesh for growing old.

Susan Krauss Whitbourne’s article in Psychology Today addresses multiple ways to combat the internal voice. Here’s just one reason why we must:

“Ageist cues, beliefs, and interpersonal interactions may serve as stereotype threats, primes for stereotype embodiment, and models of normative expectations for older adults, all of which have been associated with poor health outcomes.”

In another Psychology Today article, Regina Koepp PsyD, ABPP writes about five pernicious messages that we perpetuate.

Here’s my favorite quote, as someone who wrote a book on the power of words:

Language shapes our perceptions, and the words we use to discuss aging are no exception. By consciously choosing our words, we foster a societal shift toward a more inclusive and respectful view of aging.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash

In this yet another Psychology Today article by Julie Erickson Ph.D., she makes the argument that yes, Virginia, you and I can change as we age:

All of the knowledge and experience older adults possess can thus be called upon in learning new skills—and to their benefit. A retired school teacher can use all her prior experience as an organizer, communicator, and administrator to finally set up that small business she’s always wanted.

And there’s more good news: Older adults tend to do a better job at setting goals and staying committed to reaching them. Research suggests that older adults are more likely than younger adults to set goals around their intrinsic values (e.g., well-being) as opposed to extrinsic ones (e.g., money), which is associated with more sustained behaviour change. Older adults also demonstrate a higher level of commitment to reaching their goals relative to young adults.

You will forgive me for pointing out the obvious. If you check these articles the Psychology Today writers are anything but old. So while the material is useful, they are not writing from lived experience, whereas those of us older writers here on Substack and elsewhere, ARE.

You and I are WAY Too Old to listen to the young about how to live well as an aging person.

Research is great. Lived experience is real application. From the stories of lives lived we get to parce out what works for us individually, and conduct our own research, which is our only truth.

It makes a lot of sense to read not only the research, but also read the voices of life, men and women well past sixty who are working through their realities and living life as best they can.

Substack is chock-full of that wisdom.

Finally, one of my fave topics, dementia. This is a lively debate, and one that strikes fear into the hearts of us all, just ask

Amy Brown

what it’s like to live with it in her immediate household.

This Medical News Today piece by Robby Berman is one of many which addresses the basics.

This quote stood out for me, and for any of us devoted to living well:

“Research has shown,” said Dr. Dhana, “that cognitive activities are important for brain health, particularly when accompanied by a high-quality diet and regular exercise. Individuals should consult their doctor about preventive measures, tailoring each lifestyle factor to their individual needs.”

I don’t have any advice here other than read, research and decide what works for you. Listen to your body and brain, they are in constant conversation with you.

Stop doing what hurts, continue doing what builds strength and courage, and do NOT let society dictate your value. That comes from within.

With that, you will excuse me as I am off to run the sand dunes on the windy, cold, Central Oregon coast. I have work to do. A life to live. Healthy food to eat. Friends to visit. A new business that needs my full attention. A body to train into top health.

So do you.

Those things are my lived experience, as they are with many of you who walk, run, hike, bike, travel, explore, question, agitate, energize, motivate, push, pull, cajole, educate and elucidate….

Let’s keep sharing what works, what gives us joy, what is worth celebrating. Heartfelt thanks and kudos to all the Substack writers who specialize on aging.

The author, 69, in the elephant mud in Thailand. Yep. AGED, ANCIENT, AND HAVING NO FUN AT ALL.

Thank you for spending time with me today. If this was valuable, kindly consider supporting. This is my work, and with luck it might eventually pay the bills. Up to you but if you like my stuff, here you go

If you know someone who needs a reminder that our quality of life is up to us, please also consider

Thank you again, we don’t get this time back. I hope it fed your soul.