You and I Are Way Too Old Not to Enjoy a Dirty Joke...Here's Mine

Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society

The scene of the terrible crime, my early spring deck

I get pranked by one of

David W Runyan II

‘s faves

It was all fun and games until things got dirty.

Really dirty.

So as things warm up around here in the Pacific Northwest, those outdoor items like birdbaths which have lived outside have to be scrubbed clean. Well, you do it all year, it’s just that right about now, there are lots more birds and animals using the bath, and some of them poop in the water.

Manners.

You can see the moss growing on the cement bath, too, and that, along with twigs and leaves can make the water toxic. So I head out regularly with my bristle brush and cleaner, scrub dutifully and delight in watching all the birds enjoy the sparkling clean water.

One day, that all changed.

I’d just scrubbed the concrete clean of all the green, rinsed the water thoroughly, a process that takes some minutes, when I returned to the kitchen to get on with the rest of my endless chores.

Lo and behold, the water in the birdbath was black. Not grey, black.

Holy shit. I hadn’t been back in the house twenty seconds. How the hell did THAT happen?

I grabbed my brush, the refill bottle and tipped the filthy, grimy water over, and scrubbed the dirt away.

There. Done.

Sparkling clean, filled to brim, I once again gathered up my tools and returned to the kitchen.

Not thirty seconds or so later- maybe more- I look out the window, and lo and behold, the water is black AGAIN.

DAMN IT. WTF?

I grabbed my gear and once again, tipped the dirt and mud out and scrubbed the birdbath.

Believing sincerely I was done with it, I returned the tools to their cabinets and commenced with my day.

I couldn’t resist checking.

Well SHIT.

Birdbath black as fresh mud again. I wondered if my neighbor’s ten-year-old was pulling a fast one and giggling madly in the bushes just out of sight.

Grrrrr.

You and I are WAY Too Old to get pranked by the neighborhood kid.

Pissed and ready to thwack said neighborhood kid with my bristle brush, I bristled my way back to the birdbath and tipped the dirt out once more. The deck now soaked, (that’s all right, power washing the deck is part of spring cleaning, too) I marched back into the house.

This time I waited in the shadows to see if I could catch her in the act.

I’d scream

GOTCHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

in my best command voice. Watch her leap skyward, all spindly arms and skinny legs, scared half to death.

Seconds later, two robins landed, ducked into the water, and in mere seconds, rendered it black again.

DIRTY BIRDS.

Well, shit. Pranked by a modern-day pterodactyl.

Photo by mana5280 on Unsplash

Robins are worm-hunters and ground feeders. I have mating pairs which come back every to inhabit the same nest, now a Manhattan apartment complex, under the northeast corner of my deck.

The ground around my house is rich, dense, jet-black. These birds get their fair share of dirty in the process of raising the kids. Lots and LOTS of quick baths allow them to keep clean but not soak their feathers, which would make them easy prey to the local cats who also stalk my animal paths.

That said, while David writes:

here we have a robin on patrol in the forest . . . love these little soldiers i do . . . love to see them return because it means spring is close and love to have them as forest companions . . . they’re handsome, fearless birds, always alert, always diligent in their work, there is much to be admired about robins.

They’re effing prankster-gangsters.

And I sure am glad to see them back.

Photo by Jongsun Lee on Unsplash

I hope you got a good chuckle out of this today. Thank heaven for heavenly spring and the jokes Nature springs on us. If you had fun with this, please consider

If you feel like it, please also consider

Either way, get outside and celebrate the weather. If you’re below the equator, enjoy the fall!