You and I Are Too Old To Travel With Somebody Stupid

You're Too Old to Spend the Rest of Your Life on the Couch: Let's Adventure!

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

Sometimes it’s good to separate yourself from others in your group

Experienced fellow traveler

Judith Kitzes

wrote me a couple of comments that I am going to share, with her blessings, to make some points about travel, travellers and how we show up not only to those stuck on the same trip but most especially to the guides who are stuck with us.

Of course if the “somebody stupid” happens to be ourselves, and that has on occasion happened, it’s even better to separate from yourself. When I figure out how to leave my “stupid” back at the hotel, I’ll be the first to let you know.

I’ll start with this:

In 2000, I created a safari with the help of a very talented guide, Michael, a young Afrikaans man in South Africa. He would take me, the object of my affection at the time, another Mike, and another American, Steve, on a multi-week adventure. Steve was largely unknown to me. Michael had a partner; they would provide the food, the vehicles and the expertise. Mike, Steve and I would pay our way and hope to be blown away.

The two Mikes and I were in one Range Rover. Steve and Michael’s partner were in the other. I will never know what transpired in that vehicle. All I saw was what they did. Michael’s partner was a trained safari guide who should have known better.

After two weeks of wandering around Botswana and seeing little more than various antelopes, the guys in the other Ranger Rover were apparently getting itchy. At one point, they curved around a rock out cropping and slammed to a halt. We nearly rear-ended them.

Just to our left was an entire pride of lions, some thirteen of them, resting in the sun after gorging themselves on their kill. The ribcage of the adult gemsbok was the only thing left, standing upright like a red shipwreck.

For a while, we sat in stunned silence. In our car, we dropped the windows just enough to take photos and videos.

You are never EVER to leave the vehicle, open the windows fully. Never EVER to break the plane of your Rover, or else be part of the smorgasbord. Even if the window is open just a few inches, a big predator can hook and drag you out of that window so fast you don’t have time to say oh shit.

Our boys were itchy, though, and were bored watching the lions laze, lying on their backs with their distended bellies baking in the sun. Cubs were swatting their mothers’ tails.

Who gets to see such a thing in the wild?

Yet in their hurry to go dune-buggying, Steve and Michael’s partner promptly buried themselves up to the hubcaps in the soft sand. The more they spun, the deeper they dug in the soft sand.

Then, to our horror, they got out of the vehicle, not ten feet from the nearest young males, and ran around the outside of their car to drop the tire pressure and lock the hubs.

Ten feet from thirteen lions.

Several of the young males swiftly faded into the tall straw-colored grasses. We had no idea where they might be, or whether in seconds we’d be watching members of our party being shredded.

As luck would have it, the boys did safely get out of the sand. And yes, they did head off to hit the dunes. Steve cared more about doing that, which he could do in many places in the USA, rather than learn about where he was.

After that incident, we parted company permanently. Michael and his partner dissolved their business. Michael didn’t want to be affiliated with someone who was that irresponsible, and neither did my BF and I.

This was the one and only time I saw an African guide do anything so foolhardy.

You and I are Way Too Old to be on an expensive, epic trip with irresponsible people.

Not only can such people ruin a trip, they can expose you to terrible danger or worse, get you killed.

To be fair, I have done my fair share of dumb things. Never twice. I also learned to listen to, emulate and attend to the guides if I wanted a safe, fun and amazing trip.

Of course if the someone stupid is your spouse, partner, bestie or boss, that does throw a few wrenches in the works. Those I leave for you to sort out; this is for when the options are a bit more clear-cut.

Judith’s stories are different, in that like me, she has had excellent experiences with guides. Also like me, she has been stuck with people who absolutely do not realize where they are. Her stories speak for themselves.

Photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash

…Like the day a young bull in musth charged me in the front seat. My guide said be very still, very quiet, it is a mock charge. In the back, the others were chatting about what they drank the night before, their hangovers, and what they would drink that night. The elephant stopped so close, I could have touched his trunk. Instead, he sniffed me, my face, my hat, then walked away. The guide was grinning ear to ear. I was awestruck. No photos, the others were too busy thinking about drinking.-

Judith Kitzes

(author bolded)

These guides, those who live among these creatures, have extensive educations and have all the skills necessary out in the bush to keep you safe They also know how to deliver an extraordinary experience.

Judith got what nobody else had the wherewithal to even witness.

Photo by Travel Explore Protect on Unsplash South African gemsbok

A few years ago, I went out with a guide very early one morning on a reserve north of Kenya. Just the two of us; the rest of my party was asleep. It was before five am. He was delighted I was willing to skip coffee to see what the earliest light would reveal.

I will never forget his comment:

“Old white men who spend thousands of dollars to come here are more concerned with having their omelet than they are being able to see the animals they came to see,” he told me. “By the time they’re finally ready to head out to the bush, the animals have headed back into it and are nearly impossible to spot. Then they complain that they didn’t see what they paid for.”

If you’re on safari, you’ve already paid a fortune to be there. Is your omelet truly more important than watching the drama unfold when a herd of wildebeest comes to the river, where crocodiles hunt them?

If so, I don’t want you in my Range Rover. I’m sure you don’t want me in yours, either.

When I asked Judith to tell me where she was, her response merited inclusion in this piece:

…I was staying at a lodge called Little Chem Chem, which is located within the Burunge Wildlife Management Area (WMA) in northern Tanzania. Chem Chem Association has two tented camps and one lodge, and their location helps to protect the Kwakuchinja corridor — an important ancient migratory route connecting the Tarangire and Lake Manyara national parks.

Their mission is based on the concept that without interaction with the local communities, conservation and wildlife protection are impossible. While I was there, we saw three different breeding herds of elephants - ranging from babies through to big tuskers. In the three nights and four days I was in this concession, I participated in a sundown walking safari where we came across an older bull with a young one, and the guide said the older bull was mentoring the younger one, to teach him how to be a bull. They saw us, but we were down wind at a safe distance, so they lost interest.

I also met with the principal of a local school, and one of the teachers. The principal talked about the lack of funding for books, how the government didn't think their particular school was important enough to fully staff. He split his time between teaching math and science and being the principal. The teacher said she only worked mornings - again, under-funding. Her daughter, completely mute, was there. She was about six, and while she was theoretically a student, she didn't stay in class. The class was made up of close to 40 students, ranging in age from six to fifteen. They learned English and history in that class; in the afternoon it would be math and science class with the principal.

The daughter decided she liked me, and took me by the hand to lead me around the grounds of the school. Eventually, she brought me back to the principal's office. These children, all Maasai, were eager to learn. Many intended to go on to wildlife and conservation schools with the intent to work as guides in tourism.

They want to teach us. They want to protect and respect their culture, their wildlife, their land. They would prefer we pay attention instead of worrying about what was being served at sundowners.-

Judith Kitzes

African nations, among many, are dog-tired of having colonialists march in and tell them what’s wrong with them, that they have no culture, are ignorant, I could go on. I have learned so very much just hoisting a little girl on my back and walking around a busy village to see how life is lived, and how ingenious people are. It’s very humbling.

In the USA, outfitters such as Tse Kooh and others in Monument Valley, for example, offer experiences for people who are genuinely interested in Indigenous culture and experiences. Those aren’t party trips. They are a deep dive into nations within our nation, peoples who were colonized, but who are still willing to share their culture with us.

These explorations are as amazing and intense as anything we might take on in the Amazon or Asia.

The world is incredibly rich.

Too many of us are missing it entirely even as we are right there in front of some of its greatest wonders.

I can’t speak for you, but I would rather be drunk on wonder than wake up too late with a hangover and miss what we came to see.

Photo from Tse Kooh Outfitters

I love Judith’s last line. We are there to learn. To pay attention. You can get drunk at home.

Be that traveler who wants to learn, to be immersed in that world, who wants to be transformed. You’ll never be the same, in all the best ways. Your guides will love you for it, and they will open their worlds to you.

Let’s play.

Photo by redcharlie on Unsplash

If you enjoyed this journey and the invitation to create an adventure of your own on your terms, please consider

If you know someone who is thinking about taking off (and I sincerely hope they do) please also consider

Either way, travel safely, be respectful, and expand your world.