You and I Are Too Old to Be This Reckless, Yet Here We Are
You're Too Old to Spend the Rest of Your Life on the Couch: Let's Adventure!
Looking for love, and some of the places don’t bode well
Usually, especially when it comes to travel, I am lighthearted and love to make fun especially of myself. Every so often I write about something far more serious. This is one of those times.
Older White/Western women are targeting young African (and other nationalities) for love, while those men are targeting us for our bank accounts.
Yesterday I got the below rather desperate request from a reader on an other platform. For context, please read the linked story in the first sentence. This is a widespread issue, not just touching American women but women from many Western countries.
The woman wrote me in the hopes of getting her friend out of the scam. At this point it is highly unlikely. By the time her friend realizes that she’s been duped, she might well be broke as well as broken-hearted or worse.
I share this with all of you in case you plan to travel. The world is a very different place from when
and I threw ourselves into multiple countries to explore. I left in 1984; she headed out twenty years later.Yet people over fifty/sixty read Elizabeth’s book or watch the movie, then head out to go shopping, as if the book/movie promised us Javier Bardem just for showing up.
Not only is that hugely racist and colonialist, it’s dangerous. It’s also as predatory as any male looking for sex, which we decry. This makes us as evil as they are. How is ANY of this all right?
If you are White and female, you can be a target. White and over fifty, you are a blaring neon sign of a target if you flirt. You can also be any Western woman, with the Western being the point. The widespread belief is that White-rich, and anyone hailing from a Western country must also be rich.
PLEASE read both my story and that of this woman who is desperately trying to pry her friend out of trouble. Tagging
and anyone else out there writing about travel for those of us of a Certain Age.Please note, the linked article for WalkaboutSaga.com was written just after I’d returned from Africa in 2022 and had seen much of this up front and personal. And yes, I was irritated about it.
This is no joke. Please take this seriously.
Hello Julia,
I just finished reading your piece in Walkabout Saga: The Complete and Utter Lie of "Eat, Pray, Love": It's Actually "Cheat, Prey, and Lose." I have been doing research since yesterday on the subject matter. I have (a) friend and coworker who just got back from Zanzibar. She went on a 3 week adventure to Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania (Zanzibar). From the pictures and daily descriptions, it appeared to have been a fabulous trip, but now I have some serious concerns. My friend is around 63. She has been in a horrible marriage for about 13 years and working on a plan to get out of the marriage. Based on the stories she shares with me, it appears they have been more like housemates than a married couple. Before the trip and during the trip, all she could talk about was her determination to see an attorney upon return and get out. Now, it seems that drive and determination has lost a bit of the wind in its sail, because of her new Maasai man, who must be 30 plus years her junior.
At first, I saw nothing wrong with her flirting with him. He boosted her ego, made her feel desired. Her husband is awful. He is barely holding on to his job, because (from what she shares) he is an alcoholic slob who drinks round the clock and can't figure out how to tie his shoelaces anymore. So, I thought nothing of a little Maasai ego massaging. Well, it's going too far now. Now, she is talking "in love" and a future. She is sending him money. He is asking for money or he shares his tragedies and she falls for it. She coaches him on how he needs to get a job driving a taxi or possibly at one of the resorts. "He really does care about me. He understands love and relationships in a deep, philosophical way, but I have to work on his words." I responded, "it's ok let him boost your ego and make you feel beautiful again, but leave it at that. Why do you care about him getting a job or his future profession? Why are you even discussing money?"
I even sent her a small documentary on how a young German woman married a Maasai man and lives in a Maasai village. I thought that would wake her. Nope. She wrote back, "see, she fell in love and said she couldn't control who she fell in love because love can't be controlled like that." Now, I regret sending the video. This is a woman who declined attending our department's awards and recognition ceremony in May because it was going to be held at a park on a hot summer day. This is a woman who drinks daily and describes cocktails like sexy, erotic dancers.
Do you have any advice and how I can wake her up to the reality of what is happening on Zanzibar beaches? I just don't know what to do. When he didn't call for a few days, she got really sad and resentful (I think she sent him money to get his father to the doctor). She's ready to save her money up again and fly back out to Zanzibar. Are their other articles? I can give her what you wrote, but are their other articles written on the subject? Government warnings? I don't want to give her Reddit gossip.
Thank you for reading this message and thank you for elucidating the world on the reality of love in Zanzibar and other places.
****
I simply cannot emphasize enough the danger of walking out the door with your girl parts on fire, thinking like a teenager in lust. Do your research.
Here is a sampling of what I found:
https://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyle/older-white-women-join-kenyas-sex-tourists-idUSN26389797/
There’s plenty more.
Call me a naysayer. Call me a prude. But I have been to many of these countries, I’ve spoken to locals and safari operators, I’ve listened to the stories of the damage done.
Please. This is a dangerous game. It’s not about love. This scares me deeply, just as the woman’s outreach above scared me.
In this regard, please, let’s don’t play.
This was a hard article to write. It hurts my heart that anyone would show up this way and call it appropriate. Please travel safely, and please also travel wisely. Kindly consider
If you know someone already caught up in a scam like this, kindly share this, knowing that it may well be meaningless.