Try a Little Tenderness

It's the waning hours of Thanksgiving weekend and here is my parting shot

Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash

As the last of the cooking smells dissipate from my kitchen, this. Let’s really look at gratitude, not because it’s expected because of the holiday but because it heals.

I’m not even going where I could obviously go. I just want to hit this head-on. To that I scraped the internet and also stole from my buddy

Leo Notenboom

who regularly publishes snippets that I wish I could take credit for finding. I’m including his found piece first:

The Optimism in Gratefulness

I love this from that article:

Leaders who are intentional in their practice of expressing appreciation and gratefulness for others develop a more optimistic outlook. Their appreciation for others and the work they perform strengthens relationships, which can, in turn, boost optimism.

Then there’s this article, from The Greater Good Center. From that:

How gratitude alleviates loneliness

Why? If we’re gratitude-minded, we tend to be more tuned into the good things in our lives—so we’re more likely to notice when our partner makes us a cup of coffee in the morning, or a coworker goes out of their way to help us finish a report.

That’s important, because part of the hallmark of loneliness is a distorted way of thinking where we hone in on negative feedback from other people and worry that they are judging us. Rather than staying home and isolated, as the lonely sometimes do, gratitude may actually help us seek out the support we need.

Another explanation might be the way gratitude inspires us to action, starting with thanking the person who helped us—a gesture that can strengthen the relationship further. Or we might pay it forward and help someone else, which could bolster a completely different relationship.

For those naysayers, you’re out there and I’ve been there too, The New Yorker posted an interesting piece about why it’s so difficult.

Of course it’s hard. That’s why not many folks are grateful for the crappy times, the pain, the lost loves. We celebrate the wins and castigate ourselves for the failures. In doing so we too often leave zero room for grace and even less room for compassion for others’ pain, loss or failure.

The moment we choose to be thankful for everything, we see more to be thankful for. When we are brave enough to be thankful for the shitshows, that way lies magic. That way lies healing, redemption, resilience, peace.

It is hard-won, that peace.

Fellow football lovers will appreciate this parting shot: the receiver who catches the winning pass and goes to his knees in the end zone, pointing to heaven. Thanks for the win, God.

Disagree. You give thanks for every flubbed catch, every dropped ball, every tip for an interception that lost your team the game. That’s what you give thanks for, because every single failure pushed you to do better.

That’s what led to the winning catch. Not a series of winning catches, but endless flubs, flops and failures. The willingness to keep going no matter what.

One of my favorite quotes, a snippet from the Nobel Laureate:

Let me feel the grasp of your hand in my failure- Rabindranath Tagore

I recently felt terrible despair. I sat with it. Felt horrible. Didn’t kill me. Came out the other side stronger for allowing it. I’m grateful for the despair. I’m no stranger to it, but each time I allow the depths of it, I walk through it with greater faith for the next time it weighs heavily on me.

It will again, guaranteed. For all of us, in one way or another. It’s part of life. That we are alive to feel such things, I am grateful.

Let’s be grateful for all the things. Even for the most terrible of things, for in them, ultimately, we find ourselves.

Photo by Courtney Hill on Unsplash

I wish all of you a safe way home from wherever you spent this holiday. For those of you who don’t celebrate, however this season feels to you, be well, be safe, find ways to love what you are, what you have, and who you are becoming. No. Matter. What.

Thank you.