Thanks for the Applause: How I Rocked the Whole House in the Eighties
Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society
Nobody was ready for this show, especially me
Before AT&T, there was Qwest, and before Qwest, there was Mountain Bell.
Not long after I moved to Colorado in 1979, I started working in training and development. By the early Eighties I had snagged a contract with Ma Bell’s instructional design team. They were based in a large complex in the western Denver suburb of Lakewood.
Thousands of folks worked there. There was an expansive cafe. To take advantage of the gorgeous spring weather, plenty of balconies looked out over the central patio where people would lean into the sun and chat.
At lunchtime, that patio was always full of people taking a much-needed break from the frenetic pace of work.
Our work was frenetic, too. Our team was under a tight deadline. We put in twelve-hour days, with barely a break for lunch.
I was celebrating having lost quite a bit of weight. I’d just bought myself a soft jersey miniskirt which showed off my newly-slim legs and bottom, of which I was inordinately proud.
Back then, women still wore panty hose. I loved the feel of the material on my skin. It would be years before hose slowly went out of style.
Every day I took great pleasure in swaggering my much-reduced stuff through the Ma Bell lobby where people lined up for coffee.
My hair was long and bountiful, I was in my twenties, not bad-looking, and I finally had a butt I could strut.
Lunchtimes gave me even more, decidedly brief, opportunities to garner male attention. After years of being heavy, this was heaven.
One very busy Thursday, I desperately needed a few minutes of fresh air. At noon, I excused myself and swept down the hallway to the restroom. I did my business in a rush, fluffed out my hair.
I was in the mood for some male attention (I was, after all, unattached) so I decided to show off my cute little jersey mini-skirt -and my butt- to my admirers.
That day, however, there must have been something special. My makeup, my hair, my perfume. No clue. I got stares and whistles as I passed.
Glowing with the adulation and haughty with my control of the male gaze, I slowed down as I walked to the center of the patio, where all the people crowded on the balconies could admire the New and Improved Me.
Hundreds of eyes on me. On ME. At last, there I was, the center of attention.
I was sipping my can of Diet Coke, soaking up the sun and the sunlight of pure admiration, letting the crowd enjoy the view.
There was a gentle jerk on my blouse.
“Excuse me.”
Another jerk, more urgent.
“EXCUSE ME.”
Annoyed, I looked down. One of the tiny women who worked behind the lunch counter, an ancient in her eighties, was tugging on my sleeve.
WTF do you want, I thought.
She gestured, so I put my ear to her mouth.
“You tucked your skirt into your panty hose.”
Look.
At that point, your options are pretty limited.
I’d flashed the entire lunchtime crowd, many of whom had gone back to their offices to drag their coworkers out to enjoy the view. There they hung on the balcony railings, grinning at me.
In a rare moment of self-control, I turned to my adoring crowd, scanned the lot of them, jerked the jersey skirt out of my buttcheeks and bowed.
It was my first standing ovation.
Not the last, but for the sake of accuracy, this was the first and only time I had to bare my ass to get applauded.
And yes, I did go back to work the next day. And no, I never wore the skirt again.
Panty hose, either.
This story was inspired by a funny tale shared with me yesterday and shared here with permission from fellow Stacker
:I was once in a crowded cafeteria when my wrap skirt decided it had had enough and simply dropped to the floor. !!!! Thank the heavens and earth I at least had leggings on underneath (because I'm always cold), but still.............
Let’s play.
We all do stuff like this, and sharing these stories evens the playing field. I hope you got a good chuckle and thanks to Jen for the inspiration to share this story. If you got a laugh please consider
If you know someone else who still blushes when they think of a similar situation, consider
It’s all good. It’s all us. It’s all about being human. And it’s all funny.
Hilarious. I once deftly carried two coffee cups for myself and a friend to the table she snagged at a busy bakery. I was 19. As I weaved my way through packed tables and patrons I eyed my friend in the distance laughing yet trying to mouth something to me. The folks I passed were chuckling and glancing in the direction of my chest. Alas I arrived at our table. My friend pointed to my blouse. The strategic third button had opened exposing my maroon lacy bra. Full frontal bra. I’m sure my cheeks turned raspberry red. I smiled at the crowd and enjoyed my coffee.
I loved this story! I never tucked my skirt into my pantyhose but once I bought a really cheap suit for a job interview. I got a lot of compliment - it had a pretty pattern, but it wasn't well made, I knew that when I bought it, thought I'd only wear it once or twice. Well, I had my head fairly turned by all the compliments so wore it again..then again. On the fourth wear, I was walking down the hall and the skirt just opened up at the seams and fell off. Just plopped to the floor, not a sexy slither. Thank goodness I was right outside my own office so I leaped in, then had to call my assistant. to come in and save me. She brought me her workout gear, changed into that, drove home, got a new outfit, drove back to work, returned her workout gear. That was the end of fast fashion for me.