Part V: We're Too Old Not to Recognize These Feelings: Here's How to Deal With Them
Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society JULIA HUBBEL
All things end; with endings comes the promise of new beginnings.
Dear Reader, This piece addresses what comes, finally, eventually, and often without much fanfare: The New Beginning. This is the last of this series, but certainly not the last of the process for us all. But this one ends with the promise of hope, for there is always that, no matter what else is happening around us.
We are all in the middle of a huge ending: America.
Like it or not, we’ve been on a track towards this for a long time.
There is nothing normal about today’s America, and there is no “normal” to which we can return. The Covid pandemic caused so much permanent damage to trust, to science, politics and relationships that what’s been left for us to sort out is, in many ways, perhaps impossible.
In the largest sense all of us are in The Neutral Zone, just as we individually are due to personal losses, large and small.
Within all this, though, are also millions of New Beginnings. Individually and collectively they offer hope, healing and much happiness, which is why we need to learn how to notice them.
We are always being renewed internally. Because there are clear signs of renewed vigor everywhere, let’s please focus on the hope that is forever in front of us. Let’s notice what’s right about our world.
Here again is the Bridges model:
Here’s what Bridges says about Phase III, New Beginnings:
Beginnings are marked by a release of energy in a new direction – they are an expression of a fresh identity.
Yet sometimes new beginnings are incredibly subtle. So much so that we may miss them.
Bridges says,
“Much as we long for external signs that point the way to the future, we must settle for inner signals that alert us to the proximity of new beginnings… a faint intimation of something different, a new theme in the music, a strange fragrance on the breeze.”
When we’re overly distracted by what’s on our phones, the constant flow of dings and dongs and bad news competing for eyeballs, we can miss real life entirely. Life is constantly renewing itself.
Let’s start with you. You are newly-made all the time, all day every day your entire life, whether or not you either realize or appreciate it. Let’s talk about that.
Here’s what happens when you sleep.
When you’re asleep, your body builds muscle, produces hormones, fights inflammation, and repairs damaged cells. Your brain stores and processes information, consolidates memories, and regenerates itself.
A good night’s sleep can boost your memory, learning abilities, and creative skills. It also supports immune function and keeps your stress levels in check. Plus, it energizes your mind and body, preparing you for the day ahead.
In other words, if you get enough good quality sleep, you wake up a brand new you in lots of ways. Sadly, we take shuteye for granted and fail to be grateful for all the damned hard work that our bodies and brains do as we slumber.
There’s a reason we often wake up feeling refreshed. Our bodies hit the refresh button as we sleep, and indeed we are.
But that’s hardly all.
Cells are dying in their millions. That dust you keep cleaning off the furniture is, in fact, probably your dead epidermis.
Your skin sheds up to 40,000 dead cells every day. Your skin’s outer layer, the epidermis, constantly makes new skin cells to replace them.
Your body’s blood is in constant rotation.
The average body makes about 2 to 3 million red blood cells every second, or about 173 to 259 billion red blood cells per day.
In fact, the reason your poo is brown is because of dead red blood cells.
In other words, at the micro level, you are a new you every day, all day. We don’t notice it unless we have an injury or, in my case, a recent surgery.
This happens our entire lives. As long as you live, you are renewed. I can’t speak for you, but as I can feel my foot healing swiftly, this is a new beginning I can celebrate.
Damn the news. I woke up a new person.
I will wake up a new person the rest of my life. My god, what a gift our amazing bodies are, and how little we appreciate them. No matter how aged we are, we are still new every day.
Okay, the obvious: our seasons. Down in Bariloche, Argentina, the mountains are likely getting their first dustings. The poplars are yellow, and the mornings are colder.
They’re moving into the year’s ending just as the cherry trees in my yard exploded overnight, announcing spring.
Nature is exuberant in her glory. Here are a few samples from my yard.
Last spring, long before the plans to open up both feet and take out the staples became the next step in this very long transition to whatever-the-hell-I-get-to-be-next, I found 32 tiny Japanese maples.
They had sprouted with all the enthusiasm of all young things at birth, reaching into the sun, wanting to be trees. In reality they’d be trampled by deer, turkeys and people. Instead, I potted every last one of them.
Most survived the brutal summer. Then cold, the ice, heavy rains. Of course I expected most to give up the ghost a year later, especially given the aggressive squirrels who burrowed into the potting soil.
I was wrong. The lineup just outside my kitchen window, which gets the most of the sun’s arc every day, is lively.
New Beginnings have their roots in the rot of what was old, had to die, and is now nurturing what needs to evolve.
That’s just one reason why gardens heal the soul. Many of my friends dip their hands into the dirt, not just for the flowers and veggies. Working in the soil exposes you to beneficial microbes, which can have positive effects on the immune system.
As Nature renews, so can we, if we just take time to rejoice in all the regeneration that is around us and inside us. We are a New Beginning surrounded by New Beginnings.
Yet much of what we’d like to see takes a lot more time. We’re an impatient lot, we Westerners, and we want our results now. Yesterday, in fact. Therein lies the problems we create for ourselves.
Part of the reason is that a part of us wants so much to believe that if we’re beginning something new, somehow we can leave pain and suffering behind.
Here’s an example from my yard.
Last year I planted five coastal sequoias. Last fall, a good-sized buck came through and rubbed his antlers on the young sequoia at the base of my hill.
He managed to rip off all the lower branches. I’m quite sure the sequoia didn’t much appreciate that damage. Those branches also don’t grow back. Ever.
So as this particular great tree grows, it will, as do all living things, bear the scars of that damage. Just as we do. Those of us who choose to heal slowly also learn to accommodate the discomfort that the endings brought.
That’s how Transitions build resilience.
What resilience does is allow us to learn to live with the pain when it returns, for it will, such as the loss of a child or a spouse.
This is why rushing to a New Beginning is the best way to torpedo our Transition process.
The strength you and I gain from being willing to work through the tough stuff, a partner’s terrifying illness, the loss of mobility, a job or career loss is what allows us to navigate the next big shift.
Aging, as one reader pointed out, has been the hardest of all life’s transitions.
Bridges writes:
“It is, after all, a new chapter of your life that is beginning, you haven’t become someone else… The person is really there again after a time of being somewhere else… Psychologically, the process of return brings us back to ourselves and involves a reintegration of our new identity with elements of our old one.”
The “you” that we think we’ve lost is most assuredly still there. During The Neutral Zone, an essential part of us, our core self, goes walkabout. If we’re willing to do the hard work during The Neutral Zone, we reappear transformed, sometimes in ways we don’t see until much later.
We can dip a spoon into that part of us if need be, a remembrance of a younger self. We’ve simply developed another part, a stronger, more resilient, more capable aspect of ourselves for having willingly subjected ourselves to the difficulties and trials of the Endings and the passages of The Neutral Zone.
Bridges writes:
Beginnings are marked by a release of energy in a new direction – they are an expression of a fresh identity.
When we feel the strength we’ve gained from moving through the tough things, the endings, the incredibly important movement through not-knowing, we can see a wholly new future for ourselves.
To best move through that new future, try these tips:
Slow down.
Give yourself credit for small wins.
Allow yourself to stumble, fail and falter a bit as you regroup.
Ask for help, and accept help.
Continue to keep your sense of play as you experiment in your New Beginning.
Give yourself permission to continue to mourn, feel confused, and have the past show up uninvited. It will. Love it and let it go.
Stay open, soft and curious about this new aspect of you and your life.
We can feel the excitement, a renewed sense of optimism and hope for what’s about to come. I can do this. I’m going to try this new thing. I AM going back to school. I AM going to rebuild my strength after that accident. I am renewed.
I can do this.
Even better, you can handle what’s next. That positive, hopeful attitude is what allows us to face into whatever winds are coming our way. Aging is among the toughest.
But you and I can do this.
You and I are living New Beginnings in a body that rejuvenates itself daily, living in a natural world that rejuvenates itself regularly.
What part of that isn’t hopeful?
Let’s play.
With heartfelt thanks to subscribers new and old, to those who have taken the time to read and comment on this series and to those of you who support my work. My god you rock. Please consider supporting if you don’t currently:
“Your skin sheds up to 40,000 dead cells every day. Your skin’s outer layer, the epidermis, constantly makes new skin cells to replace them.”
With my rare genetic mutation, my dermatologist told me I sheds 100x this amount. I am newer than new!
I'm finally getting caught up with your series, and thinking a lot about new beginnings as well. I hope your foot is healing well!