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Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society

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A compendium of stories about health and longevity

While on travel in Ecuador I started bookmarking some articles that I thought you might enjoy. Every so often I cobble a bunch together to save Dear Reader the trouble, so this is my latest.

For those not familiar,

Leo Notenboom

does this regularly, treating us all to his extensive reading. He selects key quotes and makes suggestions. Better than I am at doing this, so check him out.

In today’s selection I found all kinds of articles which addressed different aspects of better living, which to me means health and longevity. I won’t separate the two for obvious reasons; if we’re gonna live long let’s live GOOD, yah grammar, but you get it.

Here goes:

The first offering from Greater Good Magazine is all about embracing our best friend, discomfort.

Hey, I dunno about anyone else but I have been feeling VERY UNCOMFORTABLE especially since last week’s scene in the Oval Office.

I don’t care who you voted for, that scene was….okay, for my health I am not going there. That said, we are all now living with extreme discomfort no matter what side of the pond or aisle we’re on.

Those of us approaching the end of our runways didn’t exactly sign up for this kind of wobbly future with certain programs in jeopardy. Mine, too. That said, I didn’t sign up for easy.

Here’s what I liked from the article:

In each activity, researchers told some participants that their goal was to feel uncomfortable and (depending on the activity) awkward, nervous, anxious, or even upset. They were told to push past their comfort zone and know that feeling uncomfortable is a sign that the activity is working.

….Ultimately, the researchers found that people who aimed to be uncomfortable were more engaged in their activities, felt more motivated to keep doing them, and believed they made more progress toward their goals compared to those who weren’t seeking out this kind of vulnerability.

For example, improv students spent more time in the spotlight on stage and did wackier things. Journalers were more interested in writing another difficult, emotional diary entry in the future. And other people were more motivated to read challenging but informative articles—about COVID, about gun violence, or from a news source they wouldn’t usually read, whether the New York Times or Fox News.

I see a lot of people on Substack struggling to push the publish button. I see more struggling with approval, fear, you name it. The way I see it, and it is NOT for all of us, there is something to be said for feel the fear and do it anyway.

Lots of situations, people and life events cause me deep discomfort. Running from them never gave me greater strength. Walking right up to them and facing off does give me strength. There are a great many brave folks like

Beth L. Gainer

here on Substack facing disease, aging, loss of loved ones, all kinds of things. They embrace discomfort, the enemy of stale, the enemy of defeat and just-give- up.

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What about when you and I are just….done, as many may be right now? As opposed to fight or flight, which rears its head when we’re faced with what we perceive as immediate threat, what can we do when we are just exhausted?

This article from SELF offers some strategies for when you and I are feeling overwhelmed, which absolutely can and does arise from too much discomfort too fast and for too long. I’ve been there these last few years, and was very fortunate to have access to some of these resources: women friends.

The article delves into why women in particular are good at helping each other, and why my personal circle consists primarily of women but also men who are deeply connected with their feminine sides.

This is my favorite quote:

Lending a helping hand to a loved one also has a way of psychologically separating you from your stressors. “It’s very easy to get self-absorbed and caught up in your worries when you’re going through a hard time,” Usatynski says. “But helping others can get you out of your own head.” Not to mention, it puts you in a position of control, Dr. Daramus says. Successfully calming down someone else can remind you of your capability to do the same for yourself.

We can get so traumatized by our investment in our trauma that the cyclical nature of the process traps us. Good friends offer insight, perspective, love, understanding and every once in a while, a hearty SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU’RE WALLOWING.

Done with love, that can be the one thing we most need to hear. The article offers six clear steps that you and I can take either to be a good tender or when we need it ourselves.

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

As I have considered whether or not to move to a country like Ecuador, I have to sit with the pros and cons. There are plenty on each side of the ledger. One of the biggest cons for me is giving up Hump Days on the Central Oregon Coast, a place of wild and immense beauty.

Time near water heals. This article delves into how being by blue in all its forms helps. Even changing to ocean colors on all but my bedroom walls (which are juniper green) ended up adding a great deal of calm to my world.

Here’s one comment:

An extensive 2013 study on happiness in natural environments – to White’s mind, “one of the best ever” – prompted 20,000 smartphone users to record their sense of wellbeing and their immediate environment at random intervals. Marine and coastal margins were found by some distance to be the happiest locations, with responses approximately six points higher than in a continuous urban environment. The researchers equated it to “the difference between attending an exhibition and doing housework.”

and

“We find people who visit the coast, for example, at least twice weekly tend to experience better general and mental health,” says Dr Lewis Elliott, also of the University of Exeter and BlueHealth. “Some of our research suggests around two hours a week is probably beneficial, across many sectors of society.” Even sea views have been associated with better mental health.

After too many surgeries, way too much pain and some big life losses, I found that protecting that midweek trip to the Coast was essential to my sense of balance. Those weeks I didn’t go, I felt it.

I notice every day how much calmer I feel in a house with walls the colors of the ocean. I also have fountains and water features where I can in the house.

If I moved to Cuenca, for example, I lose proximity to the ocean. That’s a significant value consideration, a tradeoff I’m not convinced I’m willing to make at this point.

Photo by Anupam Mahapatra on Unsplash

I can’t produce an article about health and longevity without addressing exercise, so here goes.

First, please take all such articles with a boulder of salt because you are unique. This piece addresses the Holy Grail of exercise and fitness: that it is NOT, I repeat NOT, solely to make us thin, toned, desirable.

Please, already. Can we just let that lie, then lie down and DIE?

Love this quote:

Recently, however, there has been a growing cultural shift — backed by a growing body of scientific research — to recognize that exercise’s true power has nothing to do with physical appearance and everything to do with improving our mental and emotional well-being. It has the potential to be a tool of true self-care — one for self-determination and a strength that extends beyond our muscles.

There is nothing so important to the aging body than movement, combined with the right food for the body we have, not that fitness pro body that someone else has.
For those of you who didn’t make it to March with your gym discipline, this quote nails it for me:

Our motivations for exercising matter. When we work out mostly because we feel like we should, the guilt and pressure can interfere with the body’s reward system, blunting some of the positive effects, says Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., a psychologist at Stanford University and the author of The Joy of Movement. “It often creates an experience where you’re reinforcing shame or self-judgment or fear while you’re exercising.” For this reason, reframing our relationship with fitness can have an enormous impact on our overall well-being.

I think I hear a big YES from the peanut gallery. So spot on.

This article also has some solid strategies for reframing, reworking and recommitting to moving for YOU, not some incredible, impossible version of you that will always and forever be just out of reach. However you began the year, restart it for spring with joy.

Photo by Arek Adeoye on Unsplash

Next, this article from HuffPost addresses what kind of exercise and what benefits we can derive from it as we age. What you do and how you do it is up to you, but this quote might get your attention:

…a new review published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal found that older adults who follow the 150-minute aerobic activity guidelines each week lessen their all-cause mortality risk by 31% when compared to people who do not exercise.

Bottom line, it’s less about the size of your bottom than getting your bottom out the door and moving.

The more you move the better you feel, especially if you’re not layering yourself with guilt and shame.

Movement can be joy. For many of us who are dealing with injury or disability, we also deal with pain when we move. That said, movement is the body’s WD-40. The more I do it the less I hurt. True for many, not for all.

Above all, work with your medical team for what’s best for you.

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

Finally, I stumbled on an article which echoed a recent piece I did about meeting an elderly woman in the Cuenca airport as I was leaving for America. Moments of grace abound, but we get to learn to notice them, and in fact how to create more of them through expectation.

This read from BigThink addresses the possibility of “everyday enlightenment.” Right now, every one of us could do with that kind of peace, as the news pours in and we react react react.

This is the heart of it to me:

Enlightened activity might look like taking a moment to check in on a neighbor, volunteering for a cause you care about, or practicing patience in the face of frustration. In the workplace, it may mean that instead of waiting for the “perfect” moment of clarity, we listen attentively, share skills with colleagues, offer constructive feedback, and be patient with others.

These small actions ripple out and create a culture of kindness in our personal relationships and the broader communities. They remind us that we are all connected by creating a sense of shared humanity.

Shifting from judgment to enlightened activity can profoundly affect our emotional resilience. Waldinger explains: “Once we realize that everything is always changing, it helps us suffer less. It helps us be more compassionate to other people because we realize they are also dealing with the complexities of a self and a world that’s constantly changing.”

All the above articles address resilience in one way or another. We are at a time of profound change, and for many that’s a profound threat. I’ve got my fair share of concerns, some quite big, and so these reads were valuable for their thoughtful strategies and perspectives.

I hope this serves you as we spring towards spring. The cherry in my front yard is just about to burst open. So is my heart. So many potentials.

I choose to believe this year is going to be amazing.

Of course it’s not easy. That’s the whole point.

Let’s play.

(All bolded quotes are the author’s)

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