Be the Light. Be the Way. Be the Example. Here's What That Looks Like

Too Old for This Sh*t: How to Take Your Life Back from an Ageist Society

Photo by Marcus Dall Col on Unsplash

A Substack writer offers a perfect example of what being the example looks like

A goodly portion of the country is in trouble right now, and many are pretty angry about it. Me too. Don’t blame you one bit. AND. Hurling invectives and complaining about it incessantly in public such as in Notes here on Substack does not move us forward. I wrote about this once and someone hammered me for it.

Really now.

I gave that person the courtesy of reading their material. We voted precisely the same way. Is this really how we’re going to move forward, attacking each other when someone invites us to rise above the pettiness?

I am not a political writer, I focus on aging vibrantly and adventure travel. That said, a huge part of aging vibrantly is personal responsibility with a massive dose of emotional maturity. I wrote a triple prize-winning book about the power of our words, so please. I absolutely respect how powerful words are and why we need to watch what we are throwing around in public.

I am also a stumbling, bumbling student of Buddhism. As such I draw wisdom from writers like the late, great Thích Nhất Hạnh. His book The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching has pride of place in the throne room. Every day I read something from it.

The below quote applies to anyone who writes here, anywhere, anyone who just HAS to spew their anger in public and in places where many of us are trying to working quietly to right what has gone so wrong.

Hạnh writes:

Writing is a deep practice. Even before we begin writing, during whatever we are doing-gardening or sweeping the floor- our book or essay is being written deep in our consciousness. To write a book, we must write with our whole life, not just during the moments we are sitting at our desk. When writing a book or an article, we know that our words will affect many other people. We do not have the right just to express our own suffering if it brings suffering to others. Many books, poems and songs take away our faith in life…..

As you read your words, you can visualize the other person receiving your (article or) letter and decide if what you have written is skillful and appropriate. Your (words) have to water the seeds of transformation in the other person and stir something in his heart if it is to be called Right Speech. If any phrase can be misunderstood or upsetting, rewrite it. Right Mindfulness tells you whether you are expressing the truth in the most skillful way. Once you have mailed your letter (or published) you cannot get it back. (author bolded)

PLEASE, fellow Stackers. Read what

Erin Miller

writes below. This is what leadership looks like. This is what “do what others don’t do” looks like.

Last week, I did a thing. 

After spending just two weeks in the parent FB group at my kid’s school, I’d had enough. I was horrified by the way these parents were talking about each other, specific staff members, and the school community as a whole. High on my horse, I carefully crafted 500 words on all the ways these adults could improve as parents and members of this community. 

I was one keystroke away from abandoning myself, lowering my own bar, and joining them—and then I deleted it.

Instead, I posted 200 words of gratitude. I expressed my regret for not publicly appreciating more often all the ways this school excels at educating and keeping my kid safe. I even shouted out two staff members, sharing examples of ways I’d witnessed them going above and beyond in the past week.

And magic happened: people came out of the woodwork to join me. This approach created space for others who’d been feeling defeated or disenfranchised to join the conversation. Since Friday, 60+ parents have liked or loved my post. Eighteen positive comments have been shared to the thread, three additional positive posts have been added, and the feed is free of car-line complaints and adults calling each other POSs.

If you’re feeling discouraged, angry, or frustrated today, consider trying something different—something that brings us closer together. Be brave and make space for those who’ve been quiet. They may just be the ones who turn this whole circus around. (author bolded)

YES YES YES AND YES. And thank you.

Those of us who write for a living are regularly challenged to consider the impact of our words. I have made this mistake, that causes me real shame. It also means that I am redoubling my efforts to do better. OF COURSE I have terrible feelings about what happened and where we are.

But I do not have the right to slap my sewage onto Dear Reader. Notes is full of that right now and it’s not just exhausting, it’s defeating. So I’ve been out and I am largely staying out for a while because frankly, all of us who care so much need to recuperate, recover, rest and get ready for the rest of our lives.

Erin’s post is the reason I read Notes. There aren’t enough of us being this brave right now. This is what courage looks like. Do what others don’t.

Shining light when others throw sewage. Be the light. Be the example.

Here’s what I’m doing: After last week’s election I am dusting off my Tackling the Titans book which teaches people how to pitch themselves for jobs and opportunities. I’m going to focus on academia, specifically minority groups in academia, get those young men and women into jobs which will mature into leadership when we shift to a majority Black/Brown etc. country about mid-century. I won’t be alive to see it, but I sure as hell can contribute in my way to the success of that generation. I’ve already started reaching out to old contacts and revving up that engine. It likely means I will have to give up some of my beloved adventure travel. If I want a better country, I have to invest in it. As long as I have the skills and energy, by god that’s what I will do. I will still write about aging well, still write my funny stories about adventure travel. But I am ready to leap back in and make a contribution. Right now.

Don’t be that writer who paints the world with complaints. Be bigger than that. Be brave. Do good in the world. Watch what happens in your heart and soul when you do, and when you share it, watch what others do when they see an example they are hungry for.

Be like Erin. Shine the light.

With heartfelt thanks to all the Substack writers like Erin who choose to focus on what’s good in themselves and others, and who show the way.

You’re playing. Let’s all play.

Photo by Samantha Fortney on Unsplash

Thank you for reading. I hope Erin’s words did for you what they did for me. I love elevating good work. Let’s all do good work worth elevating. If this was valuable to you, please consider

Go be that light. You carry it within you and it deserves to shine. Thank you.